


No one mourns the wicked

by kellsbells



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 69,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12314844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: Lena Luthor has just reluctantly returned to her role as Elphaba after a messy break up with her co-star. Her new co-star is a young, enthusiastic and incredibly talented performer who initially drives Lena crazy in the worst way. In time it becomes clear that they have a less-than-ideal history, along with a chemistry that neither can fight. Can they make it together despite the history between them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta, Splendonia, for looking over this for me.

* * *

Lena Luthor was exhausted. She’d just finished a three-year run on Broadway. She deserved a fucking break, didn’t she? But Winn had sounded so sad and desperate when he called that she’d given in and here she was, being painted green again and returning to the stage where she could play her part with her eyes closed. Opposite a new Glinda, a girl she’d never met who was up and coming, sure, but could she sing the part the way Jess had? Jess was Lena’s first love, the first woman to break Lena’s heart –  not to mention the first Asian Glinda – and she had left Lena with a broken heart. Her desire to continue playing Elphaba had left her when Jess did. That’s when Lena had finagled her way out of the rest of her contract and now she was back here, waiting for this assistant whose name she’d immediately forgotten to finish painting her. She _hated_ the smell of the body paint. _Hated_ it. It brought back so many memories, so few of them good, now that Jess was gone.

 

It took a small eternity for the paint to be applied and dried, for her costume to be on, for her to be stage-ready. At least she didn’t have to think much; the words of every scene and each action were automatic. Winn had assured her that they hadn’t changed even a tiny detail of the blocking. She hoped he was right, because there was no time to rehearse. She was literally going to be onstage in 3...2…1

 

Okay. So the girl playing Glinda was tremendously talented. Lena was horrible with names, but she knew that once she came across this girl’s name again, she’d remember it. Naturally dirty blonde, the girl was a little taller than Lena, her voice not as light and airy as Jess’ had been, but damn if she couldn’t hit those high notes with some serious gusto. Working with someone so very accomplished made Lena better, and she found herself bringing her ‘A’ game to this performance, even if it was just a Tuesday night at an indifferent time of the year. No-one important was here, there was no reason for her to expend too much effort, but her Glinda was challenging her with every flash of those blue eyes and those pearly white teeth. So Lena snarled, she blazed, she sang her fucking heart out, and even she had to admit that their joined voices were _incredible._

So many people saw Wicked and never really saw anything more than a sweet, funny story.  For Lena, however, the show changed her life. Long before she decided on the direction of her life, long before she came out, she watched the show once with her mother and brother (on one of the unusual occasions when Lillian Luthor had actually attempted to give a shit about her adoptive daughter). From that day, Lena was hooked. She pestered her mother so much that the Luthor matriarch actually gave in and bought her all the merchandise she could carry, along with the soundtrack. Lena sang her heart out every day after school, prancing around her bedroom and imagining herself as Elphaba. She asked her father if she could have singing and dancing lessons, and he smiled and arranged them without another word. The same went for acting lessons, a few months later. Lena had taken to the stage like the proverbial duck to water. Cut to 16 years later and here she was, at the peak of her career, in the spotlight where she belonged, but opposite a woman she’d never met who was rocking her entire world with that voice and her acting. She was incredible, and so attractive that Lena was beginning to sweat a little more than she usually did under the powerful stage lights.

 

They sang “What is this feeling,” and Lena could feel the goosebumps on her arms when the girl sang. She was incredible. Hilarious, darkly comic, but so, so good. Jess had been amazing, but _Jesus_ this girl was good.

 

They finished the song to uproarious applause that Lena had to admit was fully justified; they were incredible together. She could feel the sparks between them, could practically see them. When they hit “Popular,” she had to bite her lip to stop from laughing. The girl was _funny_.

 

They blazed through the first half and then it was time for “Defying Gravity” and Lena had to get her shit together, because that song was hers, through and through. They’d even re-released the cast album because her version was better than Idina’s – or so the company manager had said. She’d never had a compliment from Snapper before or since, so she figured he was probably being sincere.

 

She blew the song out of the water, the same way she always did, and watched as her Glinda watched her soaring into the air, an unreadable expression on her face, as she stood with her back to the audience, looking up at Lena’s Elphaba. What was she thinking? Lena was going to find out sooner than she expected.

 

***

 

Holy Rao. This girl was just as incredible as everyone had said. Kara prided herself on knowing who was who in musical theatre, and ever since she’d been told she’d won the part of Glinda, she’d been looking forward to playing opposite Siobhan Smythe, who was taking over from Lena Luthor. Unfortunately, however, Siobhan had some sort of accident the weekend before and had damaged her larynx. She wouldn’t be able to sing (or even talk above a whisper, or so the rumour mill said) for at least 6 months. So Lena Luthor had reluctantly agreed to stand in until a permanent replacement could be found. Kara was thanking her lucky stars, and Rao and all of her ancestors that meant she got to see someone this incredible up close. And man, she was so, _so_ pretty.

 

The lights went out and Kara rushed off stage to find Winn.

 

“Jesus, Kar, you’re supposed to be in your dressing room,” the Assistant Stage Manager said, looking at her in alarm.

 

“I am on my way. I just… did you know how incredible she is? Lena Luthor?” Kara asked, excitedly.

 

“I did, as a matter of fact. I’ve been working with her for a while now, you know? But Kara, don’t get too excited with her. She’s… well, she’s not crazy like her brother, but she’s a little prickly. She doesn’t like many people. She said a big fat no to Snapper when he asked her to fill in, and it’s only because she likes me for some reason that we’re even talking about her right now.”

 

“Sure, Winn. I’m just gonna go say hi, introduce myself, you know? What’s the worst that could happen?” Kara said, practically skipping down the narrow hallway to the dressing rooms, ignoring the ridiculous costume she was wearing and how it was dragging along the floor. Kelly was going to kill her.

 

Kara knocked on her co-star’s door before opening it, finding Lena Luthor being tended to by a makeup assistant – Anna, Kara thought distantly.

 

“Hi!” Kara said, waving awkwardly. “I just came to introduce myself. I’m Kara Danvers, your Glinda. I mean, not _your_ Glinda as in belonging to you, because that would just be weird, like we’ve only just met, and I should shut up now because I’m totally rambling…” she broke off in a hurry as the woman turned to look at her quizzically.

 

“Shouldn’t you be in your dressing room, Miss Danvers?” Lena asked, one eyebrow up.

 

“Well, yeah, but I just wanted to say hi because I just totally think you’re incredible. I mean, did you feel that? That energy? It was incredible, wasn’t it?”

 

Kara grabbed Lena’s hand excitedly, and the woman pulled it back immediately as if she’d been burned, her face turning into a mask of annoyance.

 

“Miss Danvers, I need to prepare for the second act. Thank you for stopping by.”

 

The words, the tone, were clearly a dismissal, and Kara stammered something before backing out and going to her own dressing room, ignoring Kelly who was berating her for leaving it so late and for getting the costume dirty and Kara just switched off. She was just trying to be friendly, but she’d clearly screwed up. She cursed herself silently and took a few deep breaths before getting her game face on for the second half.

 

The second half was a little… off, compared to the second half. The audience wouldn’t have detected it, but Kara could tell that the incredible chemistry between her and Lena was dampened. The show was still amazing, and Kara was _beyond_ excited at being here, at her first real Broadway show (off Broadway was great but it would never be… this). But she could tell that Lena was holding back a little, that she was unsure of Kara maybe, or maybe she even actively disliked her. Kara wasn’t that great at reading people - Alex always called her a puppy in human form. And believe it or not, some people didn’t like puppies. Those people were jerks, in Kara’s opinion, but she didn’t think Lena was a jerk, or at least not yet.

 

They finished up to thunderous applause, and Kara was elated when she took her bow and Alex gave her a thumbs-up from the wings, before whisper-hissing something through her headset at Winn and disappearing. If Alex thought she had done well enough, in Alex’s own show, then Kara was probably doing okay. The crew always knew who was good and who sucked.

 

She and Lena walked back on for their curtain call hand in hand, and Kara beamed at her co-star, relieved to see the smile returned. However, when they got offstage, Lena dropped her hand like it was plague-ridden, and disappeared without another word. Kara sighed.

 

“What did you do to offend the ice-queen?” Alex asked, slipping out from somewhere to scare the ever-loving shit out of Kara. She jumped, clutching at her chest, and Alex nearly fell over laughing at her. When she’d recovered, Kara glared at her.

 

“I didn’t do anything. Well, I went to her dressing room during the interval to say hi, and I took her hand and I think I was just too enthusiastic for her. And I really shouldn’t have touched her without permission, I guess,” Kara said, mumbling, her face red. She had really wanted this to work. Lena was her new co-star – what was wrong with getting to know her co-workers?

 

“Ooh,” Alex said, wincing. “You actually touched her? She doesn’t even like the makeup people touching her, never mind someone she’s just met grabbing her like a great big slobbering puppy. I mean, what have I told you getting into people’s personal space, Kara?” Alex admonished her, and Kara hung her head in shame.

 

“Do you think I should apologise?” Kara asked.

 

“I think just leave her alone. She’ll cool down and maybe she’ll be okay after that. It’s a shame the other girl got sick – you could have been new together, right? And she was nice when you met up with her, wasn’t she?” Alex asked.

 

Kara nodded. She had contacted Siobhan Smythe to meet up ahead of working together and they had enjoyed a nice lunch, chatting about their work experience and the shows they’d love to work on – one of which was, for both of them, Wicked. The fact that they both had the gig was amazing. Siobhan apparently wanted the role of Glinda, but they’d seen her as more of an Elphaba, and she’d been cast in that part instead. They had a great lunch, agreed to meet again, and then Siobhan had her accident. Kara was really upset, not only because she’d heard Siobhan sing, and she had the most incredibly powerful voice, but because she now had to meet a new co-star and there was no guarantee that it would go well. Apparently that thought had been an understatement.

 

Unusually for her, Kara decided to take Alex’s advice and keep her distance from Lena Luthor, at least until the woman showed some signs of warming up to her. So she backed off, and the more she did, the more their intensity shone through onstage. The first day she had tried a tentative wave as she arrived for makeup, and Lena had scowled at her. She didn’t wave again. Now, a week later, Kara didn’t smile or even nod when passing the open door of Lena’s dressing room, and their onstage dynamic was just as good as it had been the first night.

 

There were drinks at the end of the second week, and Kara decided to go. She felt like she’d proven herself now, and she wanted to get to know some of the cast and crew. Vasquez, the Technical Director, and Hank, the Director, for starters. They were both cautiously friendly but she hadn’t had a chance to talk to either of them yet. And Winn, of course, who was an old friend from Tisch, but he’d decided to go a different direction despite his incredible talent, and was working his way up to Stage Manager. That’s if Alex ever moved on, of course. And the sound dude whose name she hadn’t learned yet, the lighting techs, the staff from the theatre itself – the list went on. Lena Luthor was there in the small dingy bar that Alex’s girlfriend preferred, but Kara decided to carry on with her hands-off policy relating to her co-star, and walked past her without a word, finding Alex in a corner with Maggie and Winn. Maggie was the Electrician – or the Head Electrician, at least. There were a few, especially for a show like Wicked with all of its technical parts.

 

“Hey, Little Danvers,” Maggie said, holding up a hand for Kara to high-five. Kara returned it, adjusting her glasses nervously, taking in the place and all of the unusual people inside. There were a lot of eccentrically-dressed types.

 

“Relax, Kara. They’re all our people. Theatre people – actors, stage crew, front of house. All mixed up, ready to do some karaoke!” Winn said, saying the last thing a little too enthusiastically and raising two hands for Alex to high-five. She just stared at him, and he dropped his hands.

 

“Damn, Danvers. You have your boy on a short leash,” Maggie said, chuckling. Winn looked offended, and Kara tried not to giggle.

 

“So, drinks? Everyone?” Maggie asked, and she dragged Alex to the bar with her, leaving Winn and Kara alone.

 

“You’ve been killing it out there, Kar, I have to say. I mean, I always knew you were talented, but you are really, really killing it. The reviews – man! Jess would have killed for those reviews. She might have killed for the change in my pocket too, though. She was kinda crazy,” Winn said, wincing slightly.

 

“She sounded pretty good to me,” Kara said. She was telling the truth – Jessica Zhang had an amazing voice – she had impressed the Director enough that he let her audition even though she didn’t fit the description for the role. Her voice was light and sounded so pretty that it just made Kara sigh and want to float away.

 

“She is good, don’t get me wrong. But you have this warmth, Kara, and it translates so well onstage. And that chemistry you and Lena have is… wow. I don’t even have words,” Winn said.

 

“Yeah, well. That’s the only kind of chemistry we have. She seems to hate me. The more I back off, the more we click on stage. I smiled at her once and I swear she growled,” Kara said.

 

Just then, Alex and Maggie came back with the drinks and some bar food. Burgers and hotdogs and fries and onion rings.

 

“Man. Don’t they have pizza?” Kara said, while shoving a handful of fries into her mouth.

 

“I told you she would ask,” Alex said, nudging Maggie. Kara had already finished a hot dog and half a burger while she was talking. Maggie was staring at Kara in disbelief.

 

“Fast metabolism,” Kara said, shrugging, in between bites.

 

“That’s…. disgusting,” Maggie said, looking torn between nausea and fascination.

 

“You didn’t believe me. You better get back up there and order a pizza,” Alex said, and Maggie moved away, watching Kara while backing up towards the bar, as if she couldn’t look away.

 

“No-one believes how much she can eat,” Alex muttered, and Winn laughed.

 

“I remember our first day at Tisch, and we’d been dancing all morning, she ate half the cafeteria. All the ballet dancers were fainting, and all the guys were trying to ask her out because she was the only one who would actually eat when she went out on a date,” Winn reminisced, chuckling.

 

Kara looked up, finishing her second hotdog, and caught Lena looking at her, looking, for once, not annoyed. She looked… intrigued, maybe? Probably because Kara had never had to watch what she ate. Her metabolism was tuned like a high-performance Lamborghini, and no matter what she put in, her abs could cut glass. She exercised a lot – she had so much energy she just never stopped moving. It was just the way she was. She looked away from Lena, hoping she hadn’t somehow offended the woman by eating too much. Women in theatre could be bitchy. Generally it was because they were so hungry, or at least that was Kara’s personal opinion.

 

“So how’s it going with Elsa?” Alex asked.

 

“Who?” Kara asked, pushing up her glasses.

 

“Elsa. The Ice Queen? The Luthor, dummy,” Alex said fondly.

 

“Oh, right. Fine, I guess. Onstage everything is fine, and seems to be better if I just stay away from her. Honestly, I’m just trying not to piss her off,” Kara said, frowning again. She smiled when she saw Maggie coming back to the table with another burger.

 

“Pizza’s on the way, little Danvers. I gotta say, I didn’t believe you, Alex, but you weren’t lying. She really can eat that much in one sitting,” Maggie said, shaking her head in disbelief.

 

“You got one for everyone else, too, right?” Alex asked, and Maggie’s eyes widened.

 

“You’re kidding, right?”

 

“Sure, yeah,” Kara mumbled. “Kidding. That’s what Alex was doing.”

 

The evening was fun – Kara had a few drinks with some of the crew and got a few minutes of Hank Henshaw’s time. He was a grave, solemn man, but he had a lot of pointers for her that she really appreciated. And she’d had a long talk with Vasquez about all of the challenges involved in putting together the show – the huge mechanical face of the Wizard being the main one. But there were many, including the rig used to make Elphaba (and Glinda) fly. Vasquez was one of those people who was incredibly efficient and good at their job. She seemed like maybe she should have been in the military. Maybe she even had been.

 

Kara noticed Lena Luthor observing her a few times, but she decided not to smile or even nod, returning to the table with Winn. She and Winn performed a duet of “Summer Lovin,” a little later in the evening, and then she headed home, exhausted. She spent the following day binge-watching “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,” and resting her voice for the week to come. The following day was spent with Alex and Maggie, shopping and then watching a movie.

 

The next week was filled with more excellent performances, at least from Kara and Lena. (Fiyero was a little less than perfect. Okay, a lot.) And by the following weekend, Lena was nodding at her as Kara passed the dressing room. Kara restrained herself and simply nodded back, trying to stay calm about this new development. She’d read up on the youngest Luthor. Lena was only interested in the theatre. Since her early teens she had apparently been obsessed, working with the best voice and dance teachers in the business. She was incredibly talented and incredibly focused. All of the reviews of her run on Wicked were incredible, commenting on the close chemistry she had with her co-stars, especially Jess, her Glinda.

 

Maybe that’s why she didn’t like Kara? Because she was a replacement for ‘her’ Glinda? Well, there was nothing Kara could do about that. So she kept away from the Luthor and she did her job as well as she knew how, still learning all the while about stagecraft, about singing, about working a show of this magnitude. She could tell that Hank Henshaw was impressed by the time she spent with him and some of the others, learning about how they made things happen. Hank was, for some reason, very familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place where she knew him from. But it was a puzzle for another time, she figured. Her brain would work it out eventually.

 

The following weekend they went out to Maggie’s weird bar again, and this time Lena Luthor was sitting next to Winn when Kara arrived. Kara didn’t know what to do with herself, then. Sit next to Lena, or make it obvious that she was uncomfortable, walking the whole way around to the other side of the booth to sit on Winn’s other side? She stood there, adjusting her glasses and wringing her hands, until Lena Luthor huffed out a breath of frustration.

 

“Sit, Danvers,” she said, and patted the space next to her. Kara sat, carefully not touching Lena and placing her jacket carefully between them to avoid any accidental touching. She was pretty sure that Lena had a force-field, anyway, that would repel any friendly touch other than when they were on stage together.

 

There was silence for a few seconds, but Winn broke it with a story he started telling Lena about Kara bench-pressing Alex one night after eating 2 pizzas and a hotdog and a platter of nachos.

 

“You bench pressed Alexandra?” Lena asked, looking at Kara.

 

“Well, she dared me, and I can’t really resist a dare after I’ve had a few of those ales that Mike brews,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“Mike? As in Fiyero Mike?” Lena asked, her eyebrows rising.

 

“Yes?” Kara said, wondering what Lena was getting at.

 

“How do you know everyone so well, Kara?” Lena asked.

 

“Oh! Well, Alex is my sister, so I’ve socialised a lot with the cast and crew, way before I ever auditioned or anything,” Kara said.

 

“Yeah. She’s my bestie, too. We met at Tisch,” Winn said.

 

Lena refocused her attention on Winn and Kara was suddenly able to start breathing again. She didn’t understand why Lena made her so nervous.

 

“You went to Tisch?” Lena asked.

 

“How did you not know this?” he asked, teasing slightly. “I’ve been working with you for three years, lady. Show a little interest in your colleagues.”

 

Lena bumped his shoulder, and Kara watched their easy interaction in confusion. It seemed like Lena was a whole different person when she was with someone she actually liked.

 

“I studied with Kara for a few years. I could have been Fiyero,” Winn joked.

 

“He really could. He would have been soooo much better than Mike. Have you heard him sing?” Kara asked, bouncing a little in her chair.

 

“Yes, a few times. But honestly I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sing seriously. He always goofs around. Is he really that good?” Lena asked, looking from Winn to Kara and back.

 

“He is. Honestly I have no idea why he would give it up for tech work, but you can tell he loves it. He’s insanely good. Easily good enough to headline,” Kara said.

 

There was a little more to it than just liking tech stuff, Kara knew. Winn’s father had gone crazy and murdered a few people, and it had done something to kill off Winn’s love of performing. Kara had never pried – never would – but she liked him to show off his voice sometimes.

 

“Well I think I’m going to have to see some evidence of this before I agree with your conclusion, Miss Danvers,” Lena said, eyeballing Winn as if he was someone she’d never met before.

 

“Oh! Winn! Sing that Celine Dion song at karaoke. That’ll show her!” Kara said, giggling.

 

“You’re on,” Winn said, grinning. “And then you’re gonna owe me a drink,” he said, this time to Lena, who saluted him with her wine.

 

Kara left them for a moment to get some more drinks. As she did so, Alex and Maggie arrived.

 

“Hey, little D. How’s it going?” Maggie asked, as Alex hugged her tight. Alex always gave the best hugs.

 

“Could you not call me that?” Kara whined, and Maggie snickered. “It makes me sound like a tiny penis.”

 

“Well, you know I don’t do penis, kid,” Maggie said with a smirk.

 

“Maggie, I do not need to hear more stories about lesbianism. Seriously. I love that you are my sister’s girlfriend, but there’s only so much I need to know about how to satisfy a woman. Which, by the way, is nothing. I do not need to know anything about it,” Kara said, and Alex chuckled.

 

“By the way you and Lena have been looking at each other, I don’t know if I believe that, kiddo.” She tucked Kara’s hair behind her ear and smiled at her.

 

“Oh, shut up. That is not what’s happening, at all,” Kara said. “Besides, she hates me.”

 

Alex turned to look at Lena, finding her watching Kara idly, wine glass to her lips.

 

“Yeah. Totally not what’s happening,” Alex said.

 

Maggie just looked at them both, eyes narrowed.

 

“You ever need tips, you know who to call, little D,” she said.

 

Kara grabbed her beer with a groan and went to sit down next to Lena again, finding her and Winn absorbed in a conversation about some sort of tech doodad that Kara had no idea about. Alex and Maggie followed her a moment later, and Alex joined in, the huge nerd that she was, leaving Maggie and Kara to talk about normal human stuff.

 

“So, how are you finding it, being on a show this big?” Maggie asked, watching the others at the table seemingly idly. Kara wasn’t buying it, though. Maggie was always observing.

 

“It’s really daunting. I’ve done touring, I’ve done Chekhov, I’ve done off-Broadway. But this is another level, you know?” Kara said.

 

“Yeah. Alex is really proud of you, you know. And Hank said you did the best audition he’d ever seen, even better than the Luthor there,” Maggie said.

 

“He did not say that,” Kara said, open-mouthed.

 

“He did,” Maggie said, and it was clear she was just being truthful.

 

“Wow,” Kara said, shaking her head. That was… the most amazing compliment she’d ever had. To have given a better audition than Lena, who was just… the best, most professional, most talented, most beautiful woman she’d ever met?

 

Wait. Beautiful? When did she start thinking of Lena Luthor as beautiful? It was obvious that she was, of course. She had a jaw that could cut glass, and those eyes were like pools of clear water, and her lips were plump and kissable and…

 

Kara put her hand over her mouth. She _did_ like Lena. How… when did that happen?

 

She took a deep breath, looking up to find Maggie watching her curiously.

 

“Think you might need those tips after all, Little Danvers?” she said, winking.

 

Kara groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The history between Kara and Lena's families becomes clear, and it might ruin everything.

* * *

 

Wow. So Winn really could sing. He was easily good enough to headline any Broadway show that Lena could think of. He was stunningly good. His breath control was incredible. She was actually finding her usually very lesbian self a little attracted to him. How could a man sing a Celine Dion song so well? It was mind-blowing.

 

She bought him a drink as promised, and then spent the rest of the night observing her co-star. Kara Danvers was interesting, she had to admit. Way, way too cheerful for Lena’s tastes, especially since Jess’ departure had put her in a permanently low mood. But Kara wasn’t what Lena had expected, even after that disaster of a first meeting. Kara was physically flawless and extremely talented, but seemed to prefer to melt into the background during social occasions. The news that Alexandra Danvers was actually Kara’s sister shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Lena, but it did, for some reason. She’d never have pegged Alexandra for the kind of person to give anyone a leg up in the industry, never mind her own sister. She’d always seemed so rigid. Kara obviously had the chops for the job, but Lena was violently opposed to the idea of people gaining an advantage through nepotism. Lena herself had made sure that the Luthor name was never used for her to get ahead. In fact, it had proved more of a hindrance than anything else, thanks to Lex’s madness and then her mother’s, too. Her mother had always seemed so cool, so calm. But when Lex did what he did… Lillian went mad. She tried to set off an explosion at a nuclear plant, something that could have caused another Chernobyl-level disaster. Why that would have been a good thing for the environment, Lena didn’t know. Ownership of her family’s holdings fell to Lena, then, and she sold LuthorCorp to the highest bidder, washing her hands of the whole thing as quickly and as quietly as she could. She would never get over the look on Lex or Lillian’s faces, though, when she gave evidence against them at their respective trials. Betrayal. She’d betrayed her own family. For the good of the rest of humanity, since they were both crazy, but what difference did that make to the world at large? Lena was hated almost as much for that decision as for her brother and mother’s actions.

 

That was all in the past, now, though. Jess had helped her get past all of it. Getting this role had helped her enormously. She was starting to wonder why she’d allowed Jess leaving to take this feeling away from her.

 

Kara was about to get up and sing something with Mike. Lena didn’t like Mike, not even a little. He had a decent voice, but he didn’t work at anything, sailing by on his bland handsomeness. That meant that his okay voice gave out at inopportune moments, and Lena couldn’t bear that kind of unprofessional behaviour. Women seemed to find him charming, something Lena couldn’t really understand. Seeing him with Kara, however, made Lena want to rip his face off.

 

_“Babe, I got you babe…”_

“Easy there, Ice Princess. She’s just singing with him,” Maggie said, suddenly. Lena hadn’t even noticed the woman sitting next to her.

 

“What?” Lena asked, confused.

 

“You look like you’re gonna get up there and rip his throat out with your teeth,” Maggie said, quietly. She put her hand over Lena’s, and Lena realised it was clenched into a fist. She let it relax, and Maggie patted her hand before moving away a little.

 

What was that all about? Sure, Mike was kind of a dick, but Kara was, as far as Lena was aware, single and free to date whoever she wanted. And she was probably straight, too. So where did that flash of jealousy come from?

 

“She’s something, Little Danvers, you know. She really cares. She’s like a puppy,” Maggie said.

 

“She’s certainly an interesting person,” Lena said diplomatically.

 

“You guys got off on the wrong foot, huh?” Maggie asked.

 

“Just a little. I don’t like people in my space. Especially not new people,” Lena said, with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I guess I was a little harsh.”

 

“She doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s a little over eager. But you learn to love it pretty quickly,” Maggie commented, taking a sip of beer.

 

“I can imagine,” Lena said, and Maggie nodded as if she’d said something extremely profound.

 

They didn’t speak any more that night, and Kara left shortly after her duet with Mike. But she didn’t leave _with_ Mike, which, for some reason, Lena had feared she would. Lena went home and spent her Sunday and Monday relaxing, resting her voice and contacting her agent to find out what else was out there – something that she might be able to move on to once Wicked found a permanent Elphaba to replace Siobhan Smythe. The idea of leaving the production – something she had moved heaven and earth to arrange only a few months before – now made her ache.

 

That next week was a little bit of a departure from the norm, in that Kara Danvers missed the last half of the week. So too did Alexandra, and when Lena asked Winn about it, he just said it was a personal thing and it was their story to tell. Lena just backed off, nodding, and tried not to be too concerned about it. But when Kara returned the following Tuesday, she was worried to see that Kara was sallow-faced with dark bruises under her eyes. The woman didn’t meet Lena’s eyes as she walked past, either, seemingly lost in whatever had taken her from the theatre the week before. Alexandra Danvers was walking behind her sister, one hand protectively in the middle of her back. While she didn’t look as bad as Kara did, she did look tired and wan. Lena lifted an eyebrow at her, and Alexandra shot her a hand gesture that Lena interpreted as ‘later’.

 

The show went just as well as ever. Kara was a consummate professional, and Lena was impressed to find the girl performing flawlessly opposite her despite how terrible Kara had looked earlier. So much so that she congratulated Kara quietly, when they were walking offstage hand in hand after their curtain calls.

 

“You did a great job tonight, Kara,” Lena said.

 

Kara looked at her in confusion, reaching up to adjust glasses that she wasn’t wearing.

 

“I… um… thank you?” she said.

 

Lena just smiled gently, squeezing Kara’s hand before letting go.

 

A little later, after she’d finally removed most of the green makeup from her skin, there was a quiet knock at the door.

 

“Come in,” Lena said, wiping the eyeliner carefully from her bottom eyelid, trying not to poke herself in the eye with her own fingernails.

 

“Hey,” Alexandra Danvers said, appearing behind her, dressed all in black as usual.

 

“Hi, Alexandra,” Lena said, turning to face the Stage Manager. “How are you?”

 

“A little tired,” Alexandra admitted, running her hands through her hair.

 

“Sit,” Lena said, handing the other woman some water. “Is everything okay? With your family, I mean?”

 

“I… wow. No, not really. My dad died, a year ago. Two days before the anniversary of Kara’s family – I mean her whole world, really, dying. So it’s a tough week for us both – her more so, of course,” Alex said, puffing out a sharp breath. 

 

“I’m so sorry about your father,” Lena said. Alex nodded wearily. There was quiet for a moment.

 

“So. Her whole world? What does that mean?” Lena asked, tilting her head.

 

“Do you remember when there was that crazy war, the Russians started it, I think, and they were killing off all these different sects in Eastern Europe? And they attacked this whole area, North of Georgia. There was a whole community there, they were all the same religion? They called themselves the Kryptonians,” Alex said.

 

“I… yeah. My brother was involved in selling the weapons that the regime used to kill them,” Lena said, tightening her jaw. Lex’s sins would never stop coming to light.

 

“Yeah, he was,” Alexandra said absently, pulling at a string on her sleeve.

 

“So what does that have to do with your family?” Lena asked.

 

“Kara was one of them. You probably know of her cousin, Clark. The last son of Krypton, they called him. The soldiers didn’t kill him because he was a baby. But Kara… she was away from home, with her aunt, I think, when the soldiers moved in. So when she got back there, the whole place was a crater, her whole family and everyone she’d ever known was gone. No-one else speaks her language or worships her God or remembers anything from her childhood. You know Hank Henshaw, obviously. Not only is he an award-winning director, he’s an old friend of my dad’s, and he was doing some drama outreach work in the area way back then. He found Kara wandering around on her own, crying. He brought her back to the States, somehow – he knows a guy who knows a guy in the State Department – and the next thing I knew, I had a sister,” Alexandra said, shrugging, as if the whole thing wasn’t the most outlandish and tragic thing that had ever happened to anyone, ever.

 

“Jesus,” Lena said, eyes wide. “Where the hell did her aunt go?”

 

“So far as my dad and Hank were able to find out, Astra went to kill the soldiers who attacked her people. She is still in prison somewhere, we’re just not sure where. The State Department tried to get her out, tried to bring her to the US to be with her niece, but she got lost in the system somewhere, or maybe she was killed. I don’t know. Anyway. It’s a tough time of year for us.”

 

“What happened to your father?” Lena asked, taking Alexandra’s hand. She hadn’t spent much time talking to the Stage Manager, but they liked each other, and she didn’t like seeing her in pain.

 

“Hit and run. He was jogging and was just turning the corner to our street. Kara saw it all – she was in the yard, clearing leaves,” Alexandra said wearily.

 

“Shit. She really hasn’t had the easiest life, has she?” Lena breathed, shaking her head. “How is she so… you know?” Lena made an incomprehensible gesture with her free hand.

 

“Sunny, you mean? I don’t know,” Alexandra said, chuckling a little. “She’s been like that since the day I met her. I mean, she cried a lot at first because of course she did, but she’s always had that spark. I hated her at first, but it didn’t last long. She’s like sunshine or puppies. You can’t really hate any of those things, and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who really hated Kara, either.”

 

Alexandra leaned back in her chair, squeezing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

 

“So, I guess… just, be nice to her, would you, Lena?” Alexandra asked.

 

“Of course,” Lena said, automatically.

 

Alexandra laughed harshly.

 

“You’ve been giving her the cold shoulder since day one, Luthor. Just maybe ease off the Ice Queen routine. She seems to like you, and I don’t want her getting hurt,” Alexandra said. “And for the love of Christ, will you please call me Alex? Only my mom calls me Alexandra. Hearing it makes me want to fucking scream.”

 

“Alex it is,” Lena said weakly, wondering what Alex meant by the other things she said. Kara liked her? In what way? But Alex looked exhausted, so it probably wasn’t the time for questions.

 

“You should go home. You look like shit, Danvers,” Lena said, smiling a little to show that she was joking. “You need some beauty sleep, or you’ll scare the audience away tomorrow.”

 

“Fuck you, Luthor,” Alex said absently, standing and rubbing at one eye. “But you’re not wrong. Thanks for the shoulder to cry on. I promise I won’t tell anyone – wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re a real human being.”

 

“Much appreciated,” Lena said, smiling. “Now get the hell out of here so I can go home.”

 

Alex left, Maggie and Kara running past to catch up with her. Lena finished up cleaning off her makeup and cleaning her dressing table before turning out the lights and heading home, Kara Danvers and her tragic life dwelling in her thoughts, giving her disturbing dreams. She woke up in the middle of the night and sent a few emails, knowing that it would take a long time for her request to be met, if ever. But what was all that money good for, if she couldn’t do something good with it for a change? She went back to sleep a little after, her mind a little clearer. It always helped to take action, to feel like you’re not helpless, she thought, just before she found herself in a dream about a little golden-haired puppy, whining and alone.

 

The following day, it was matinee time. Lena usually hated matinees; the audiences were comprised mainly of old people and school parties, and she generally hated the amount of noise they generated between them. But for some reason, she was eager to get into the theatre that day.

 

As soon as Kara walked past her door, nodding at her cautiously, she realised why. She’d been concerned that Kara still wouldn’t be okay. But there she was, wearing… an argyle sweater? And her glasses, looking like she’d had a decent night’s rest. Lena nodded back, giving Kara a half-smile and giggling as Kara missed a step, almost falling, in surprise. Lena wasn’t _that_ cold, was she? She resolved to be a bit more polite and pleasant to the cast and crew while she was still here. It wouldn’t be long before they found a replacement Elphaba, she was sure. Being nice to people wasn’t that hard, right?

 

Right.

 

***

 

It was hell week, as Kara privately called it. 13 years ago her whole family – her whole culture - was annihilated, and that meant Kara had now officially been in the ‘real’ world for the same amount of time she’d spent with her family. She never got a chance to say goodbye, to tell her mother that she loved her, to hug her father for another minute, inhaling that mix of pipe smoke and leather that always lingered around him. They were a sect, a cult, an oddity. They worshipped their sun god, called Rao (some scholars thought it was an offshoot of the ancient Egyptians who had worshipped Ra.) Nevertheless, they had caused harm to no-one. They looked after one another and worshipped Rao and they offended no-one, not even trying to get converts, as some religious people were wont to do. For some reason, though, the fact that they had their own religion, their own community, that was different from those around them – it made some people hate them. And the government – no-one was really sure whose, even now – sent in their soldiers, and when Kara returned the whole community was gone. Everyone dead except for her and Clark and Astra, who had disappeared that same day. Kara couldn’t remember much about that time, thankfully, but she did remember the smell of burning flesh from the rockets and explosives that the soldiers used. She remembered the way her eyes stung and watered, both from what she was looking at and from the smoke. She remembered tracing a path with her eyes to where her home was, then following it with her feet. And then nothing. She was at the Danvers’ and Clark was with the Kents and that was all she wanted to remember. She sometimes had nightmares of dusty, dead faces and blood, but she discounted them, pushing them violently away whenever they crept into her consciousness. Life was too short to dwell on those things. She had seen Jeremiah’s accident too, but her mind wouldn’t let her see that, either. She was grateful for that.

 

She wasn’t thinking at all the first day back to the theatre, operating mostly on autopilot because she was just… emotionally exhausted. The second day, she wasn’t prepared to look up and see Lena Luthor _smiling_ at her. She tripped over her own feet and nearly hit the wall face-first, catching herself at the last minute and practically running to her dressing room, face crimson, with Lena’s fond laughter following her.

 

It was a little later when things got even weirder. The second show of the day was over, and Kara was thinking about heading home to order too much Chinese food and watch some of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, when Lena caught her shoulder. She hadn’t even heard the woman approach her dressing room.

 

“Kara? Are you with me?” Lena asked.

 

“I’m so sorry, Lena. I totally spaced. Did you say something?”

 

“Yes,” Lena said, smiling fondly. “I asked if you wanted to come join me for some food. I’m hungry and I know you’re always hungry, and I would enjoy the company,” Lena said.

 

“Um… yes?” Kara said, straightening her glasses on her nose. Was this really happening? Did she fall asleep? Was she drooling on her dressing table right now?

 

“Are you ready, then, or should I come back for you?” Lena asked, one eyebrow up.

 

“I… uh. I can come now. For dinner. With you,” Kara said.

 

Lena gave her a quizzical look.

 

“Yes. Dinner with me. That is what I asked, Kara,” she said, lips pursed. “You don’t have to, if you’re not in the mood for company.”

 

“No! I am. I’m just a little tired, with the long week and the… everything,” Kara said lamely, jumping to her feet and grabbing her coat.

 

“Okay, sure,” Lena said, still looking a little puzzled. But she walked outside with Kara in tow and the next thing a limo-type car pulled up smoothly in front of the stage door. Kara and Lena both signed a few autographs and posed for pictures with fans before getting in the car.

 

“Who owns the fancy car?” Kara asked, confused.

 

“Oh, it’s mine. Well, it’s one of mine. I have a few drivers. My family were really wealthy when I was growing up and I suppose I got used to certain things,” Lena said, shrugging. 

 

“Wow. They must have been _really_ rich,” Kara commented, looking around at the incredibly expensive interior, worried she was going to destroy something.

 

The car dropped them at an upmarket Ethiopian restaurant that Kara had always been too intimidated to try.

 

“Are you okay with this?” Lena asked.

 

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted to try it,” Kara said, nodding enthusiastically. They were seated so quickly that Kara felt like her head was spinning.

 

“I just ordered a platter of different things. You just share, so eat whatever you want. They’ll bring more,” Lena said, smiling.

 

Kara nodded, pulling at her hair ever so slightly, trying to ground herself. She wasn’t sure how she’d come to be in this restaurant opposite an impeccably dressed Lena Luthor who looked for all the world as if she’d just stepped out of a boardroom. Kara was wearing her second-most comfortable pair of jeans and a sweater that was more hole than sweater. She thumbed one of the holes in the sleeve nervously.

 

“What’s wrong, Kara? Do you not like Ethiopian food?” Lena asked, frowning.

 

“No. Yes. I’ve never tried it, actually, but I’ve always wanted to,” Kara said. “I just… I feel a little out of place, here. I look like this, and you look like that, and I just… you know, don’t fit.”

 

“Kara, don’t be ridiculous. You’re a Broadway star, for Christ’s sake. Whether you’re wearing a ball gown or your pyjamas, you’re the lead in Wicked on Broadway. Do you really give a flying fuck what a waiter in a restaurant thinks of you? Or any of the other patrons? These people pay money to see you utilise your talent, Kara. You belong anywhere you want to belong,” Lena said. Her face was fierce but somehow soft at the same time, and Kara’s spine straightened almost immediately.

 

“You really think I’m talented?” Kara asked plaintively. It popped out without her giving permission to herself to speak, and she was momentarily stunned that she’d just asked her co-star if she thought Kara had any talent. What in the name of Rao was she thinking?

 

“Are you… you’re messing with me, right?” Lena asked, giving her a level look. “You all but blew me away that first day, Kara. I had been working with Jess so long, and then you came along and I was ready to hate whoever took over, but you were just… stunning. I mean, we do seem to have a lot of chemistry, but that’s not just it. You, all alone on stage – you draw people’s eyes to you. You command the stage, whether it’s with your voice or your comedy or your passion. I’ve never worked with anyone quite like you, Kara Danvers.”

 

Kara was blushing so fiercely that she worried she might pop a blood vessel in her face.

 

“I’m sorry I came on so strong, that first day,” Kara said, after her blush had calmed down a little. “I was just so excited by the way things came together on stage, especially between you and I, and I just… overstepped. Thank you for all this,” she said, gesticulating around at the restaurant.

 

“I’m sorry that I was so cold and snappy,” Lena said. “I was still pretty torn up from Jess leaving the way she did, and there you were, this perfect replacement, and you were just so friendly and I couldn’t handle it. I know people call me the ice queen and Elsa and all that, but I really just use all that as a defence mechanism. So, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s really okay, Lena. I know I can drive people a little crazy when they first meet me. And the second time, and the third.”

 

They smiled at one another, and Kara’s heart warmed at the sight of Lena’s genuinely warm smile.

 

Their food arrived and Kara dug in enthusiastically, deciding almost immediately that Ethiopian food was her new favourite thing, and babbling about how she had to bring Alex here, because it was amazing.

 

“What is this bread called? It’s so good! And that stew?” Kara gushed.

 

“The bread is called injera. And the stew is called mesir wot,” Lena said, smiling at Kara’s enthusiasm, digging into the food using her injera as a spoon. “My brother brought me here when I was… 18, I think? I’d just heard that I got into Juilliard, and he had been living in New York for a while, and he was trying to be the big worldly older brother, you know?” Lena said, her eyes far away but her smile broad.

 

Kara smiled back, feeling much less hesitant than she had when she’d arrived. Seeing Lena enthusiastic was doing strange things to her insides.

 

“I tried the food and since then, I’ve had to come here at least a few times a month. It’s my guilty pleasure,” Lena said.

 

“Wow. That reminds me of something I used to have at home,” Kara said, pointing at a mix of collard greens, onions and spices.

 

“Does Alex like it?” Lena asked.

 

“What?” Kara asked, confused. “She’s never tried it. No-one has,” Kara said, looking away.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry, Kara. Alex is your foster sister, right?” Lena said quietly. “I’m sorry – I know what it is to lose family. My family – well, whoever they were, they didn’t want me. I was lucky to be adopted, or so I’ve been told.”

 

“I didn’t know you were adopted,” Kara said, her eyes returning to Lena’s.

 

“Yes. When I was four,” Lena said.

 

“I’m sorry. Whoever they were, it’s their loss,” Kara said. She shovelled a huge amount of food into her mouth then, and Lena laughed.

 

“That’s what Lex used to say,” Lena said, chuckling to herself. “Their loss is the Luthor’s gain. I know he just said it to make me feel better, but it was sweet of him.”

 

Kara was staring at her, her mouth still full of food. She had gone white.

 

“Kara? Are you… are you okay?” Lena asked, concerned. She reached across the table and touched Kara’s hand, but Kara pulled it back sharply. She swallowed a huge mouthful of food in a way that might have been comical, under other circumstances, but suddenly nothing about this was funny.

 

“Lex Luthor is your brother? The Lex Luthor who sold weapons to the people who killed almost every last one of my people?” Kara asked, her face set, expressionless.

 

“Yes,” Lena said. She suddenly felt cold. This had happened so many times before. “I assumed you knew. Your sister did.”

 

“Alex sometimes… doesn’t tell me things, if she thinks they might hurt me,” Kara said, dully. “She likes to protect me. She says I’m oblivious to things. I guess she was right.”

 

“I don’t… what he did, Kara, it was abhorrent. I don’t condone anything he did, nor what my mother did. They are both insane and they’re both in jail where they belong. I’m sorry for what he did to you. I can’t imagine what that felt like,” Lena said, words feeling inadequate.

 

“No… I…  It’s not your fault, Lena. Excuse me,” Kara said, standing and running for the bathrooms.

 

“Shit,” Lena breathed, before finding her cellphone. She called Alex Danvers, explaining what had happened, and after a moment’s confusion, Alex agreed to come to the restaurant. Lena called the waiter over, told him of Alex’s imminent arrival, and asked for a towel and some fresh water. She took the towel and the water and went into the bathroom after Kara. She was greeted with the sound of vomiting, and she sighed quietly. She had hoped that she could be friends with Kara. But clearly they were never going to be that, given what Lex had stolen from Kara.

 

The vomiting finally ceased, and Kara flushed the toilet, coming outside quickly and jumping when she saw Lena.

 

“Here,” Lena said, running some water and putting the corner of the towel under the faucet. She wiped the back of Kara’s neck and her forehead with the cool water. Kara sighed, looking down at her hands. Lena passed her a glass of water wordlessly. Kara rinsed her mouth out a few times before taking a long drink of the water.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena said quietly. “I had no idea. I thought you knew. If I’d known, I never would have invited you out. I’m sure it’s the last thing you wanted, having dinner with a Luthor.”

 

“No, Lena. That’s… this isn’t your fault. I’m so sorry I reacted like this. It’s just… it was a shock. But I can tell you’re nothing like your brother. I… thank you for the water, and for looking after me,” Kara said.

 

“You’re welcome,” Lena said, nodding. There was a moment’s silence before Alex burst into the bathroom, pulling Kara into a hug.

 

“Shit, Kara. I didn’t know. I had no idea you didn’t know,” Alex murmured.

 

“I’ll leave you to it, ladies. I’m sorry,” Lena said, backing out. Kara didn’t look up. Lena could see the tears soaking into the back of Alex’s jacket, and it made her heart clench. Lex had stolen so much from so many, and now he had taken Kara Danvers from her, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena have a discussion following their disastrous dinner together

* * *

It had been such a lovely evening. After the pain that was this week of Kara’s life, the pain of realising that she had been in America for as long as she had been with her own people, Lena’s invitation had come as a pleasant surprise. The fancy car, the food, it was all so lovely. And then. Kara had never really thought about Lena’s surname. Sure, Luthor wasn’t a common name, but she hadn’t thought about Lex Luthor – at least outside of nightmares – since the Luthor company had paid reparations to her and to Clark almost ten years back for the loss of their people. Lex had never been jailed for his illegal arms deals. He was caught later trying to kill the entire board of a rich oil company, and people took notice of him, then. He was a bona-fide nutcase all of a sudden because he was trying to kill rich white people, rather than just causing the death of an entire civilisation in his pursuit of money and partners in his crazy scheme to save the environment through force.

 

When Lena had casually mentioned Lex as if he was a real person, a real human who had taken his sister out to celebrate her achievements, a person who had encouraged his sister, Kara had been floored. Almost literally. The world had tilted alarmingly for a moment, and then Lena was checking if she was okay, and then Kara was magically in the bathrooms, throwing up all the delicious food that she’d just eaten.

 

And now Kara was trying to sleep in Alex’s apartment, Alex asleep next to her. Her sister had insisted she stay the night, and Alex had always given the best cuddles, so Kara just went with it, too tired to argue. But it was 3am and she couldn’t sleep because of what happened after she threw up. Because of the tears in Lena’s eyes. Because Lena had wiped her face and the back of her neck so tenderly with a damp towel, wiping away the sweat before passing her a drink to clean out her mouth. Because Lena had been  apologising to Kara when it wasn’t her fault at all. It was her brother who had ended Kara’s world as a child, not Lena. It was more than likely that Lena’s world had ended when Lex did what he did to the people from the oil company.

 

What Kara couldn’t understand was how Lena could be so compassionate, so caring, when she came from the same family that had produced Lex and Lillian Luthor. Lillian had been a doctor and had never spoken about Lex’s crimes until her own abortive attempt to ‘save’ the environment by blowing up a nuclear power plant. How could Lena have come from that environment and ended up as a caring, sweet, loving person? Someone who had decided to leave her family’s legacy behind and take to the stage, of all things? Kara didn’t believe in judging people on the actions of their families, of course she didn’t. But the way Lena had looked at her, the tenderness with which she had looked after Kara – it was the polar opposite to the cold, disinterested façade Lex Luthor had presented at his trial.

 

Kara finally fell asleep after doing breathing exercises taught to her by her birth mother, Alura, years ago. She whispered to herself quietly in her native language and eventually drifted off, thinking about her mother’s pale and beautiful eyes. “Eyes that I shall not see again, unless at the door of death’s other kingdom,” she whispered, heart breaking.

  
The following evening she hesitated before turning down the corridor that led to hers and Lena’s dressing rooms. What did you say to someone the day after having a complete meltdown in front of them? She walked towards the dressing rooms slowly, finding Lena’s door open and Anna putting the finishing touches to Lena’s green makeup.

 

“Kara,” Lena breathed. “How are you feeling?” she asked, looking anxious.

 

“I… fine, I guess?” Kara said, rubbing nervously at the back of her neck. “I’m sorry about last night,” she said, and Anna shifted uncomfortably. “Sorry. I should leave you to your… I need to get ready.”

 

“Sure, I understand. Maybe we can talk later?” Lena asked. Kara nodded, giving an awkward wave before going to her own dressing room and closing the door behind her. For some reason, she felt like she’d lost something, something really important, and she wanted to cry. Lex Luthor had already been the cause of so much pain for Kara. Now her budding friendship with Lena was probably destroyed forever, now that she had seen how Kara couldn’t cope with her own emotions or act like a functional human being in public. Kara sighed and then breathed in, a long deep breath, before going to sit at her dressing table and starting to wipe her face clean in preparation for her makeup.

 

The show went well, though Kara felt that her connection with Lena was dimmed somewhat. On which side, she didn’t know, but it didn’t feel as bright as usual. After the show, Alex and Maggie asked if Kara wanted to go for a drink, but she really didn’t feel like it. And despite what she’d tentatively agreed with Lena earlier, she didn’t want to talk, either. She just wanted some time alone. So she rushed out as soon as she’d wiped off most of her makeup, knowing that it would take Lena a lot longer, given the green paint that got absolutely everywhere. She was gone and out the stage door before Lena could have reacted, if she’d even seen Kara. If she even wanted to talk to Kara ever again. Kara signed a few autographs, smiling for selfies and hugging a few kids dressed up as Elphaba or Glinda, and then she slipped away into a cab and home, planning on takeout and Netflix and bed, maybe not in that order, precisely. That’s not what happened, as it turned out.

 

Kara’s takeout arrived and she was just about to turn out the lights and shuffle into her bedroom to eat her food and hibernate while watching some Brooklyn 99, maybe, when there was another knock at the door. She frowned – Alex knew she didn’t want company tonight, so who else could it be? Winn rarely went out after work unless it was karaoke night, preferring to play Overwatch until Rao only knew what time.

 

Kara pulled open the door cautiously, finding Lena Luthor standing there looking at her uncertainly.

 

“Lena? Are you… is everything okay?” Kara asked.

 

“Could I come in?” Lena asked, nervously.

 

“Of course, sorry,” Kara mumbled, pulling the door wide open and stepping back. “Can I get you a drink or something?”

 

“Some water?” Lena asked, licking her lips. Kara nodded and half-walked, half-stumbled to the kitchen counter, putting down the huge bag of Thai food and grabbing a glass, filling it from the refrigerator and then gesturing for Lena to sit down on the huge couch that Kara had insisted on buying as soon as she found out she had the part on Wicked.

 

Lena sat at the edge of the couch gingerly, taking a sip of her water before looking at Kara seriously.

 

“Kara. I know that there’s probably no way to salvage any sort of friendship after… well. You know what Lex did. I just wanted to tell you that I’m so very sorry about what happened. I loved the man he was, but I hate what he became and I just wanted to tell you that. I know that LuthorCorp threw money at you and the other survivors – that was always their way of dealing with things,” Lena said, her mouth twisting in distaste, “but if there is ever anything you need, money or a job or anything, anywhere, that I can help with, I hope that you’ll call me. I… have really enjoyed working with you. I have asked Snapper to find someone to replace me as soon as possible, because of course I have to, now. But it really has been a pleasure. You are an extraordinary talent. I just hope that we can work together as well as we have, for however many shows we have left,” Lena finished her speech in a hurry, finishing her water in one long gulp, standing.

 

“Lena, I… I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Kara said, confused. Lena was speaking so fast, and she was obviously upset. “Just… sit with me. Have some food. We’ll talk.”

 

Lena just nodded at her, confused, and Kara went to grab some plates and cutlery, and they were quiet for a few moments while they decided on what to put on their plates right away. Then they were eating in silence.

 

“So, you’re leaving the production?” Kara asked.

 

“Well, yes. I don’t want to be a walking, talking, singing reminder of my family every day. You don’t deserve that, after all the Luthors have already put you through,” Lena said, eyes wide and sincere.

 

“Did you do any of that, Lena?” Kara asked, chewing calmly on something deep fried.

  
“What?” Lena asked, taken aback.

 

“Did you do any of the things that hurt me, that hurt my people? Did you benefit from any of it?” Kara asked.

 

“No, I didn’t do any of those things, and I didn’t benefit from it. Quite the opposite,” Lena said. “What Lex did – it made me into a pariah. Not only what he did to your people, but everything else, too. Though the eco terrorism he engaged in was ultimately less horrible than what happened to your community, that was what really brought him to the public’s attention. And then my mother… God. Just when it had all died down, she destroyed what was left of the family’s reputation. It took years for me to fix everything, to sell off the company and leave it all behind.”

 

Kara looked at Lena gravely.

 

“Look, Lena. I won’t pretend that any of this is easy. I… when I realised that you… that Lex was your brother, the brother you were talking about with so much love in your voice… I guess I freaked a little. A lot, in fact,” Kara said, almost laughing at herself. “But that doesn’t mean I blame you. You lost your family because of Lex’s actions, too. And he wasn’t the reason that Krypton was destroyed, not really. He just provided the means. Maybe we could try this whole thing again, you know, being friends? Because I like you, Lena. I do. And I have never thought of myself as the kind of person who would judge someone on the actions of their family. So, could we just… start again?” Kara asked, eyes steady on Lena’s.

 

“Kara, I don’t understand. You… you completely freaked out. You were so upset. That was because of me, because of who I am. I can’t subject you to that every day of your working life!” Lena said, almost shouting.

 

“Lena, I’m sorry that I freaked out. It was… it was a lot. But I wasn’t upset because of _you_. I was upset because you love him. Lex. You love him. He’s your brother and of course you love him. But on the other hand, he’s the man who is at least partially responsible for the death of everyone I ever knew. So it kind of threw me for a loop, and then… yeah. I reacted, badly. It was bad timing, too. This week is the anniversary of when it all happened. And not only that, I’ve lived here in the US now for the same amount of time I lived at home with my family. I guess that just makes me feel even more distant from them, you know?” Kara said, her eyes unfocused.

 

“I understand, Kara. Of course I do. I just think… you don’t deserve to deal with any of this. You really have suffered enough,” Lena protested, a little more weakly this time.

 

“I have suffered a lot. But I’m not suffering now. I’m sitting on my couch with a new friend, eating takeout. I will admit, I was avoiding you today, but now – I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we’ve talked,” Kara said, smiling as she ate a huge mouthful of chicken and noodles.

 

“So am I. But… are you really sure about this, Kara?”

 

Lena was almost pleading again, but Kara was resolute, and somehow Lena found herself dressed in a set of too-large pyjamas with kittens on them, watching a comedy about police in New York that Kara couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen before. It was very funny, and after a while Kara snuggled into Lena’s side, putting a blanket over them both. It was probably the most contact she’d had with anyone since Jess. In fact, Jess had never been much of a snuggler, so their interactions tended to be more sexual than anything else. Jess had always insisted on keeping her own place, and she rarely stayed the night. So waking up with another warm body pressed against hers, a face nuzzling at her neck, was a strange and precious thing for Lena Luthor. She let herself enjoy it until Kara woke, and then she stiffened, waiting for the inevitable rejection to come.

 

It didn’t. Kara smiled at her, said good morning, and nuzzled in a little closer, murmuring something about five more minutes. Lena let her body relax with Kara’s arm slung across her abdomen, and then she fell asleep listening to Kara’s slow, even breaths.

 

When she woke up the second time it was to the smell of coffee and bacon. She sat up slowly, trying to orient herself, and found a pyjama-clad Kara at the stove dancing to whatever music was playing in her earphones. Lena watched her, transfixed by how incredibly joyful Kara seemed. For someone who had lost so much, she seemed to find joy in the small things in life so easily.

 

Kara seemed to sense Lena’s eyes on her, after a few minutes, and she turned, smiling that mega-watt smile that seemed to make Lena’s heart stutter in her chest each time it was directed at her.

 

“Good morning,” Kara said, pulling out her earphones and tilting her head, regarding Lena mock-solemnly. “Did you sleep okay?”

 

“I… I really did, actually,” Lena said, a little surprised. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept next to another human for a whole night, never mind actually woken up refreshed. Kara had a strange effect on her, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

 

“I did, too. You snore, by the way,” Kara said, with a grin.

 

“I do not!” Lena said, pretending to be scandalised, while Kara giggled at her.

 

“So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?” Kara asked, half-singing.

 

Lena blushed. She was pretty sure that Kara didn’t mean her to sing the next line back, so she just smiled before replying.

 

“Scrambled, please?” she asked.

 

“Scrambled it is, ma’am,” Kara said, with a mock salute. For a second, Lena was almost positive she saw disappointment in Kara’s eyes, but she decided she must have imagined it.

 

They ate a quiet breakfast together, Kara eating more than Lena had ever thought possible for a person to eat in one sitting. It had intrigued her, that first night at the bar when she saw how much Kara had eaten, the junk food disappearing as if by magic without leaving a mark on that perfect figure. If Lena ate that much she would definitely have to work extra hard at the gym to work it off. But Kara never seemed to worry about any of that. Didn’t seem to _need_ to worry about any of that, which was just fucking unfair as far as Lena was concerned. But it was hard to dislike anything about Kara; she was like sunshine personified. And now that Lena knew the true depth of the pain Kara had been through in life, she was even more enthralled with Kara, with who she was, with the joy that she clearly found in almost everything.

 

Later that day she spoke to Snapper and a few other members of the company and said that, after all, she might be able to stay for a while longer. Snapper growled at her, as was customary, but she thought she detected relief in the expressions that flashed across his face. The show was selling out more and more often now that she and Kara were in the lead roles; the reviews were incredible and Lena knew that Snapper wouldn’t want to mess with the chemistry of the show if he didn’t have to. She was relieved, too. After Jess left, she had used her attorneys to get her out of the contract she’d signed, because she was devastated by losing her partner, and the show had seemed tainted with Jess. She was everywhere. And now every trace of her was gone, blown away by the whirlwind that was Kara Danvers. The stage was Lena’s again, and she trod the boards confidently once again, her heart eased by everything that Kara was. Lena felt bad for ever thinking that Alex Danvers had anything to do with getting Kara this part – Kara didn’t need Alex’s help, or anyone else’s. She was stunning, bringing so much to the production, little tiny nuances that some of the less discerning audience members might not have noticed, but Lena did, and she was constantly impressed by Kara’s talent and her outlook. In some ways she wasn’t even acting; she was just _being._ She was so sweet and caring and nice that being Glinda wasn’t much of a change from her usual personality.

 

That day marked a change in their relationship. Lena was fairly sure that ‘relationship’ was far too strong of a word for whatever had been between them before, but since that night when she stayed over, Kara arrived at her dressing room each night straight after the show, sitting and watching as Lena and her makeup artist removed the green paint from her skin. Kara was so enthusiastic about everything she talked about that it almost didn’t matter what the subject was. She was just so… happy. Lena couldn’t understand it, how Kara was so relaxed and how she enjoyed life so much despite everything she had lost. Lena had known a lot of loss too, but nothing compared to what Kara had endured. The loss of an entire culture was just… Lena couldn’t fathom it. So she wiped off her paint and smiled and occasionally even laughed when Kara talked to her. She noticed that, each time she smiled or laughed, her makeup artist gave her an odd look. Surely she hadn’t been _that_ much of a bitch, before?

 

Kara invited herself to Lena’s apartment the first night after their sleepover, and while she was impressed by the size of it, she was less impressed with how impersonal it was.

 

“Rao, Lena. It’s beautiful. But where are your pictures, of your family and friends?” Kara asked, checking out the few pieces of art that Lena had purchased when she moved to New York.

 

“Well, Kara, my family and I don’t really have much of a relationship these days. And friends have been hard to come by since my mother and my brother ended up in prison. People figure the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you know?” Lena said, trying not to sound bitter.

 

“I guess,” Kara said. “But you know, you have people now. The other cast, the crew. They all care about you. All you have to do is… open up, a little? Because you don’t exactly give people the idea that you want to be friends.”

 

“That’s kind of by design, Kara,” Lena said, sweeping her hair back over her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, well, how’s that design working out for you there, Ms Luthor?” Kara said, mockingly. It was so unlike her normal sunny attitude that Lena stared at her in shock for a long moment. “Gotcha,” Kara said, grinning. “I knew you’d make that face.”

 

“Yeah, whatever, Danvers. Now, are we having some takeout, or should I just make you a delicious kale salad?” Lena asked, narrowing her eyes.

 

“You wouldn’t!” Kara said, hand on her chest.

 

“Wouldn’t I?” Lena asked, giving her most ‘sinister Luthor’ face.

 

“Oh shut up, you are literally the least scary villain ever,” Kara said, before going into the kitchen and finding the takeout menus as if she’d been here a hundred times.

 

From that day on, they spent each show night together, either eating at a favourite restaurant or at one another’s apartments. Sometimes they would stay over and sometimes they wouldn’t, but they began to get more comfortable with each other. Thursday nights were karaoke nights, and that’s how Lena started to get to know other members of the cast and crew a little better. Winn had always been her closest friend on the crew, but she had kept even him at a distance. She was wrapped up in Jess and that was all she wanted. She’d never really had friends, and those she had, turned out to be painful disappointments. But this time around things seemed to be different. Kara’s presence made things easier, smoothed things somehow, and Lena found it much easier to speak to the people she’d been working with for more than three years now. Alex Danvers was still a little standoffish, but it seemed that Lena calling her the night she took Kara out for dinner had gone some way towards assuring Alex of her good intentions.

 

There were cliques in the theatre staff; the electricians and stage crew tended to stay together, then there were the artists and the company manager and their staff, and last but definitely least were the theatre staff, all aspiring singers and dancers who were far too enthusiastic for words. Lena had always spent her time on the fringes of the middle group, disappearing before it got too rowdy or before anyone could actually try to get to know her. Now she felt strangely comfortable right in the middle, and she even got up and sang a few songs on the terrible karaoke machine.

 

Maggie was a pleasant addition to Lena’s life. She was quiet but when she had something to say, it was usually either funny or insightful – or both. She made it clear that she was aware of Lena’s huge crush on her co-star, and she quietly supported it.

 

“She’s so sunny, and I know that’s what she puts out there, but underneath it all there’s a whole world of grief. Weirdly, I think you get that, Luthor. You two could be really good for each other,” Maggie said, sipping from a cold beer. Kara was on stage at the bar, singing a duet with Eve Tessmacher, Lena’s understudy, and they were horsing around like idiots.

 

“You wouldn’t think she had hidden depths, looking at her up there,” Lena said, smiling.

 

“No. But like I said, that’s what she puts out there, and you – you don’t just see that. You can see the other stuff underneath, and I think that she needs that.”

 

“What about Mike? He’s always sniffing around her. Surely he’d be better for her than a Luthor?”

 

Maggie wrinkled her nose in distaste.

 

“Are you kidding me? The guy’s a dick. He’s already fucked half of the cast and crew – he has a book where he ticks their names off. You really want that for Kara?”

 

“Of course not. And oh my god, what a skank! He really has a book?”

 

“Yeah. Poor Eve found it the morning after, and she cried on my shoulder for, like, an hour. Poor kid.”

 

“Fucking hell,” Lena said, shaking her head. “Okay, so maybe Mike isn’t the answer, but I still can’t understand why you’d think I would be.”

 

“It’s partly because you don’t understand that you’re perfect for her. Even Alex thinks so, and she’s the most protective sister you could ever imagine.”

 

“You guys are crazy,” Lena said, finishing her glass of wine. It was time to go. The conversation was making her anxious.

 

Kara finished her song at that moment, and returned to their table.

 

“Hey,” she said, grinning. “Are you leaving, Lee?” she asked, immediately frowning as she noticed Lena grabbing her bag and coat.

 

“Yes. I’m really tired, Kar. And I’ve had way too much wine,” Lena said, attempting a smile.

 

“Okay,” Kara said, looking puzzled and a little hurt.

 

“See you tomorrow,” Lena said, smiling around the table at everyone.

 

She went home, drinking two more glasses of wine in her cold apartment before she went to bed. She couldn’t stop thinking about Maggie’s absurd ideas. Kara was her friend, and that was incredibly important to her. For god’s sake, why would Kara be interested in her? Was she even into women?

 

It took a long time for Lena to get to sleep that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is frustrated by Kara's tactile behaviour, given their platonic relationship, but then Kara surprises her.

* * *

* * *

 

It was four weeks later, and Lena was frustrated. She had been spending a lot of her down time with Kara, and she’d never been as physically and emotionally close to anyone. Not even Jess. The fact that they weren’t a couple wasn’t an issue, really. She could cope without sex. But it was the mixed signals. Could Kara really not tell what she was doing to Lena when she hugged her for a little bit too long, burying her face in Lena’s hair and breathing in her scent? Was all the cuddling really platonic? Kara was so comfortable with touch, it was hard to tell. Sure, she didn’t cuddle anyone other than Lena at work, but then they were working, not at a friend’s house having a sleepover.

 

Kara kept telling her that she loved her. And sure, straight girls told each other that all the time. But it seemed like there was more behind it than just simple friendship. Lena hated not knowing. It was fine to nurse her crush in silence, but she kept getting the impression that it wasn’t one-sided, but then she’d doubt herself, and the cycle would begin anew.

 

They were heading out for dinner together, to the same Ethiopian restaurant they’d visited on their first outing as friends. Lena hadn’t wanted to go back, thinking it would upset Kara. Kara disagreed.

 

“If I let that one night spoil that restaurant for me, where does it stop? I never eat Ethiopian food again? I never talk to you again? I never go into a restaurant again? Screw it, Lena. I loved that food, and part of the reason I cried that night was because it went to waste. So let’s go get dinner at the awesome place, and we’ll go to the bar and meet everyone afterwards, okay?”

 

Lena gave up arguing and booked a table.

 

They were seated at the other end of the restaurant, overlooking the river, and Kara kept exclaiming at the ducks and geese that populated the river bank next to them. She was so cute that Lena couldn’t help but smile.

 

The food was delicious, and they ate enough that even Kara was sated. Afterwards they made their way to the dive bar, finding their friends in various states of inebriation, and Kara smiled at Lena, her cheeks red from being outside.

 

“I love these guys. I love you, Lee,” she said, with that smile on her face that was so sincere and beautiful that Lena almost surged forward to kiss her. She was glad it was so loud in there, because otherwise Kara would have heard her breath catch.

 

“I love you too, Kara,” Lena said, taking a deep breath.

 

They sat in their usual booth with Winn and Alex and Maggie, cheering on other members of the cast and crew as they performed on the old karaoke machine.

 

“He’s really good, isn’t he?” Kara murmured into Lena’s ear. Adam Foster was on stage, singing an obscure song from Dr Dolittle.

 

“He is. Much better than Mike, though that’s not hard,” Lena said, turning her head slightly. Kara laughed, her breath tickling at Lena’s ear. Lena shivered, and Maggie snorted next to her.

 

“Are you well, Margaret?” Lena asked, a little acerbically.

 

“Fine, _Lee._ Just saw something really, really fucking funny.”

 

“Uh huh,” Lena said, eyes narrowed. Maggie swallowed, looking away. Lena smiled in satisfaction. At least the ‘evil Luthor’ look still worked.

“Dance with me?” Kara asked, as Eve and Winn up to sing “If I didn’t know better,” by the Civil Wars. It was one of the sexiest songs on earth, in Lena’s opinion, and she thought that if she had to die, this would be the way to go. Dancing with Kara Danvers to the most sexy song in human history.

 

“Um, sure?” Lena said, her voice trembling. Kara smiled at her and pulled her to her feet and up to the impromptu dance floor where a few other couples were dancing.

 

_Please let them sing this badly…_

They did not sing it badly. They were wonderful, and Kara pulled Lena close, their bodies touching from knee to shoulder. Kara’s arms were around Lena’s waist, and Lena’s were around her neck.

 

“You okay?” Kara asked, leaning down to whisper into Lena’s ear.

 

“I’m fine,” Lena said, automatically.

 

“You’re shivering,” Kara said.

 

“You’re keeping me warm, it’s fine,” Lena said. It was true. Any shivering was due to Kara’s proximity, not the cold.

 

“Have I ever told you how thankful I am that you’re in my life?” Kara breathed, her mouth just next to Lena’s ear.

 

“No,” Lena said, chuckling.

 

“Well, I am,” Kara said, her mouth still too close to Lena’s skin.

 

_If I didn’t know better, I’d follow you up the stairs_

Lena shivered again, and Kara pulled her a tiny bit closer. Lena tightened her arms around Kara’s neck. She was going insane.

 

“You’ve changed my life. You’re the smartest, most caring person I’ve ever met,” Kara said, her breath hot.

 

_Stop saying those sweet things you know I long to hear…_

“I really, really hope I’m not misreading you right now, Lee,” Kara breathed, and then she lifted one arm, running her hand through Lena’s hair and then tipping her head back.

 

“What are you…”

 

Kara’s mouth came down on hers, and Lena saw stars. She actually whimpered, to her eternal shame, but she couldn’t think about that right now, because Kara was kissing her, and kissing Kara was like nothing she’d ever done before. Jess was small and slight, and Kara was built like an Amazon in comparison, like she could pick Lena up and throw her around.

 

Lena whimpered again, at that thought, and Kara took the opportunity to slip her tongue into Lena’s mouth. She was gentle, not forceful, and it was amazing. She tasted like the sweet fruity cocktail she’d been drinking, and Lena slid her hand up into Kara’s hair, pulling it a little.

 

Kara groaned into Lena’s mouth, and Lena’s knees almost gave way. She’d had a lot to drink, and she was horny, and this was _Kara._ She couldn’t make sense of it, so she just held on tighter and kissed Kara with everything she was feeling.

 

“All right, lovebirds. Sorry to break up the party but you’re kind of giving everyone a show,” Maggie said, shocking them out of their embrace. Lena noted, with some embarrassment, that Kara had grabbed her knee and lifted her leg up, and she realised it probably looked like she was humping Kara’s leg. Hell, she wasn’t entirely sure she _hadn’t_ been humping Kara’s leg. She backed away, breathing heavily, and saw that dozens of people were watching them. Some were smiling, some looked scandalised, and a few looked really pissed. Mike, their Fiyero, was one of the latter. He’d been trying to get into Kara’s pants from day one. Lena tried not to be smug that it wasn’t him Kara was interested in.

 

“Take me home?” she murmured, leaning close to Kara.

 

“Of course,” Kara replied. They went back to the table, where their friends were grinning at them. Lena felt like her head might explode from all the blushing, but she couldn’t bring herself to be sorry, because it was _Kara_. They said their goodbyes hastily and Kara all but dragged Lena to her car, where one of her drivers was waiting, as always. He took one look at Lena’s face and closed the partition, waiting until she activated the intercom to tell him where they were going.

 

“Your place or mine?” Lena asked, trying not to giggle, because Luthors do not giggle. But Kara was kissing her neck and her tongue was tickling at the underside of her jaw. The sound that came out of her throat was definitely giggle-adjacent.

 

“Yours? Your bed is way more comfortable,” Kara said, biting a little at Lena’s neck. Lena gasped, her back arching, and she took a moment before she activated the intercom.

 

“Thomas, home to my apartment please,” she managed, only waiting for the ‘yes, ma’am’ before she pulled Kara to her, kissing her with all of the pent-up frustration and passion that she’d been feeling for months. Thankfully, it wasn’t far to her apartment, because neither she nor Kara were interested in going slow, and if it had taken much longer they might have ended up fucking in the back of the car.

 

The elevator was slow torture, taking an age to get them to the penthouse, and the people from the floor below were heading home too, so Lena and Kara had to keep a respectful distance. Kara, however, was obviously feeling more than a little naughty, because her hand was creeping up the back of Lena’s leg and under her skirt. The feeling of that one finger trailing up the back of her thigh was almost enough to make her come on the spot, and when Mr and Mrs Hernandez stepped out of the elevator, she swore at Kara before throwing herself into her arms again.

 

When the elevator bell dinged again, Kara simply lifted her up, pulling Lena’s legs up so they could wrap around her hips, and then they were pulling off clothes and making a haphazard path to the bedroom. By the time Kara threw her onto the bed, Lena was only wearing her skirt and panties, and Kara took care of those in seconds. Lena had expected a little more in the way of foreplay, so she was taken aback when Kara dove in between her legs and buried her face there, kissing and licking with abandon. Lena was doing a good impression of levitating right off the bed when Kara reached out with one arm, pinning her down at her abdomen, and then her tongue and fingers were both there, inside her and outside, and Lena screamed through the incredible, unexpected orgasm. Kara didn’t falter, her tongue continuing to move up and down and inside, and a minute or so later Lena was coming again.

 

When she recovered, Kara was leaning on her lower belly, looking up at Lena smugly.

 

“Where the hell did you learn how to do that?” Lena asked.

 

“Don’t tell anyone I said this, but… Maggie.”

 

“What?!” Lena recoiled.

 

“Oh, no… not like that! Ew! I mean, she told me how someone goes about pleasing a woman, and there was a diagram, and… yeah. She just said to be enthusiastic, the way I am with everything else, and…” Kara made a little flourish, like a ‘voila’, and Lena started to laugh.

 

“You slay me, Kara Danvers,” she said, still getting her breath back.

 

“In a good way, I hope?” Kara said, with a silly smile.

 

“God yes. The best way. Come up here, you,” Lena said, and Kara scooted up the bed to lie next to her. Lena kissed her, tasting herself on Kara’s tongue, and it was probably the most erotic thing she’d ever tasted in her life. Jess had been what was known as a pillow princess, and didn’t ‘do’ going down on her partners. She’d made a really grossed-out face when Lena had said she liked it, and Lena had known not to ask again. But Kara was… she was so naturally curious, and insatiable, and she’d just gone down on Lena twice without any preamble, and she seemed like she’d really enjoyed it.

 

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Lena murmured, pushing Kara’s hair back from her face.

 

“Do what?” Kara asked, puzzled.

 

“You know. Go down on me? I know sometimes people don’t like it, and I understand if you didn’t want to do that again,” Lena said, nervously.

 

“Oh my Rao, Lena! Who wouldn’t enjoy that? You should have seen your face, Lena, you were… you were so beautiful, and you taste so good, and I want to do it again right now!” Kara said, starting to move downwards again. Lena grabbed her arm.

 

“No, sweetie. It’s my turn, okay?” Lena said, seriously. Kara nodded, smiling.

 

Lena tied her hair back and then pulled Kara’s remaining clothes from her body, kissing her and pulling at Kara’s hair. She’d been fascinated with her hair from the beginning, how it was so blonde in some parts and so dark in others. And it was so _soft_.

 

“You’re an amazing kisser,” Kara said, against Lena’s mouth.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Lena said, before biting Kara’s lip, hard. Kara gasped, and Lena slipped down her body to kiss her breasts, and then she let her hands wander a little lower.

 

“Oh Rao,” Kara breathed, her back arching, as Lena ran one finger up and down, gently.

 

“You’re so wet, Kara,” Lena said, sounding puzzled. Was all of this for her?

 

Kara seemed to read her mind. “Have you ever seen you come, Lena?” she said, breathing harder still. “I almost came right there and then.”

 

“Oh,” Lena said, eyes wide. She moved her hand just a little, her fingers slipping into Kara and then out again. Kara hissed, and Lena stopped moving.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Lena asked, freezing.

 

“No. No, Lena. That feels amazing. Please, don’t stop,” Kara said, pulling Lena up for another kiss.

 

It was several hours before they stopped, by which time Lena had managed to make Kara come three times, once with her hands, and twice with her mouth. They were kissing, slowly, both exhausted, and Kara chuckled to herself.

 

“What are you laughing at, beautiful?” Lena asked.

 

“I just… I can’t believe you… I can’t believe you want me. I thought… I thought for sure you just wanted to be friends, even though Maggie and Alex both said you were interested, but I just could never tell. You have a really, really good game face, Luthor,” Kara said, smiling. She ran her finger across Lena’s top lip. Her hands smelled like Lena.

 

“I have a good game face? There have been so many times, Kara, when it was all I could do not to jump you. On stage even, some nights, I’ve had to take deep breaths so I can keep my hands off you and pretend I’m in love with Fiyero. I just… I can’t believe that, after everything, you would be remotely interested in me.”

 

“You mean because of your family?” Kara asked, suddenly serious.

 

“Well, yeah. Of course, Kara. It’s kind of a big deal, what happened.”

 

“It is. But I think you can live in fear, or you can try to live your life. And you mean a lot to me, Lena. So much. The last couple of months, they’ve been so amazing, having you in my life. So you know, fuck whatever happened in the past. You are not your family. You don’t have to live with that like some sort of bell around your neck for the rest of your life. You didn’t do anything wrong, except be adopted by a crazy family.”

 

“Kara Danvers, did you just say ‘fuck’?”

 

“What? I swear, Lena Luthor. All the time.”

 

“Of course you do, sweetheart.”

 

Kara mock-glared at her. Lena chuckled and then leaned forward, kissing the glare from her face. They fell asleep shortly afterwards, wrapped up in one another, and Lena could honestly say that she didn’t remember a time when she’d been happier. This didn’t feel like things felt with Jess. Lena was happy and comfortable and she felt like Kara was in this as deep as she was, and she sent up a silent prayer to whoever was listening that nothing would screw this up.

 

***

 

Kara was giddy. She slept with Lena Luthor. Lena, her best friend, the woman she had a total toner for (tone-boner, musical crush), not to mention the ginormous accompanying lady boner. Figuratively speaking, since she didn’t have, you know, the parts. She’d woken up in Lena’s arms and she had only left because she had to go home to shower and change before the Saturday shows. Lena had wanted them to shower together, but Kara knew they’d be late and she’d end up dressed in one of Lena’s outfits if they did, and then everyone would know.

 

Hell, everyone knew anyway, she guessed, after their little display on the dance floor the night before. But they didn’t need to know _everything,_ and Kara had never done a walk of shame before. She wasn’t intending to start, now.

 

She had a quick shower, revelling in the pleasant ache from the night before, and dressed quickly and casually, as she usually did on work nights. The night before she’d dressed up, wearing a dress and heels, but that wasn’t Kara’s normal kind of outfit at all. Converse and jeans and t-shirts were her thing.

 

She made her way into town on the subway and winked as she passed Lena’s dressing room, sniggering when Lena dropped her glass of water on the floor in front of her. How the tables had turned! Now it was Lena losing her cool.

 

Their performances that day were the best ones yet. They were perfectly attuned to one another, and the laughter and applause was longer and louder than before. When they finished up and Kara had cleaned off her makeup, she went to wait with Lena while Anna removed the green body paint and makeup. They smiled at each other over Anna’s head, Kara pretending to check her social media feeds.

 

An age later, Lena’s fair was clean of makeup and she looked pale and ethereal. Kara wanted to kiss her. Anna left the dressing room, bustling out, and Kara locked the door behind her.

 

“What _are_ you doing, Miss Danvers?” Lena asked, looking scandalised. She leaned back on her arms, pushing her chest out and smiling mischievously. “We are professionals, and it would be highly unethical for us to get involved in anything… inappropriate,” she said, her voice quietening down to a whisper. She bit her bottom lip, and Kara wanted to bite it, too. So she did. She moved forward, one arm sliding around Lena’s back to pull her into Kara, and she bit Lena’s lip, right where her own teeth had just been.

 

“Jesus, Kara. How do you do that?” Lena murmured, dropping her head forward.

 

“Do what?” Kara said, nipping at the skin of Lena’s jawline.

 

“Make me feel like you’re touching me everywhere at once,” Lena said, with a slight whimper.

 

Kara groaned at her words, and while she had just been planning to tease Lena a little, she instead lost her mind to lust entirely. It was a moment’s work to remove Lena’s yoga pants and underwear, and then to turn her around, ass in the air, letting Lena hold herself up on the arms of the chair. Kara let her hands drift down Lena’s ass before sliding fingers inside of her softly. She let her other arm slip around Lena’s waist, and then she was touching her inside and outside, and she kissed the skin she found just above the neckline of Lena’s loose t-shirt. Lena was almost sobbing underneath her, and Kara redoubled her efforts, loving the noises Lena was making. It was so different to anyone she’d been with in the past. Lena was responsive to every little touch, and the noises she made were beautiful. She didn’t hold back, and it was music to Kara’s ears.

 

Lena came, shuddering, and Kara moved her hands away gently after a moment, draping herself over Lena’s back and wrapping the shivering woman in her arms.

 

“Where the hell did that come from, Danvers? I thought you were innocent. Boy, was I ever wrong!” Lena breathed, turning her head to allow Kara to continue kissing the side of her neck.

 

“I am perfectly innocent. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex with a partner as beautiful and captivating as you, Lena.”

 

Lena shifted a little, and Kara took that as notice that she’d like to move. Kara stood, smiling, and enjoyed the sight of Lena Luthor, in a t-shirt and nothing else, looking utterly fucked.

 

“Did you want to come back to mine for a while?” Kara asked. Lena nodded.

 

She waited as Lena re-dressed and then held an arm out for Lena to take. They went out through the stage door as usual, finding a few fans waiting for them, and they signed the obligatory autographs and smiled for selfies, before Lena pulled Kara away to her car. They made the drive in silence, and walked arm in arm to the elevator. Kara giggled when Lena looked at her.

 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Lena asked, a sly grin on her face.

 

“If you’re thinking about how I very nearly fucked you in your elevator last night, then yes,” Kara said, whispering in Lena’s ear. She grinned as she saw Lena shiver.

 

“Jesus, Kara,” Lena breathed.

 

“Just checking the spark hasn’t gone already,” Kara said playfully.

 

“I think we can be assured the spark is going to be here for quite some time to come,” Lena said, smiling wryly.

 

Kara leaned forward and kissed her, slow, sucking at her bottom lip, and Lena’s breath stuttered.

 

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kara Danvers,” she said, shaking her head. They stepped out of the elevator and made their way to Kara’s apartment.

 

Kara moved on autopilot, setting out the takeout menus on the coffee table and going to change, setting out a comfortable set of clothes for Lena, too. She poured a glass of wine for Lena and a glass of chocolate milk for herself, sitting herself down next to Lena, who was perusing the menu. She pulled a blanket from the back of the couch, settling around them both.

 

She suddenly realised what she’d been doing, looking around her in amusement.

 

“Hey, Lena? You know how we only kissed each other for the first time yesterday?” Kara asked, smiling.

 

“Yeah,” Lena said, turning the page on the menu for a place that sold Italian subs and salads, absorbed in choosing the food.

 

“How long have we been dating?” Kara asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Lena said, looking up at her in confusion. She adjusted the blanket a little on her legs.

 

“How many times have we done this exact same thing, now? Come back to mine or to yours and put some comfortable clothes on, and watch something on Netflix and stay wrapped up in each other’s arms?”

 

Lena lifted an eyebrow, considering.

 

“I suppose… there was a certain amount of more-than-friends kind of behaviour,” Lena said, looking down at the blanket and their intertwined legs. “Seems like we skipped over the dating part straight into the settling down part.” Lena chuckled, throwing the takeout menu onto the table, and swinging her body round to straddle Kara, putting a hand on either side of her head.

 

“Are you trying to get fresh with me, Miss Luthor?” Kara asked, licking her lips. Lena’s lips were unpainted, as they usually were after a performance, and while it made her look extremely pale, it was also beautiful, natural. It was a way that Lena barely ever let herself be seen by anyone, and Kara was beyond overjoyed that she was comfortable to be so open with her.

 

She stopped thinking then, because Lena’s tongue was in her mouth, and Kara couldn’t think while that was happening. Her body turned into a mass of nerves and reactions, and Lena’s touch, Lena’s voice, it was all that Kara could hear or feel.

 

After the second orgasm, Kara begged Lena to order some food.

 

“Even kale, I’ll eat the devil’s leaf. But I have to eat, Miss Luthor, please!” she said, dramatically.

 

“Oh, shut it, Danvers. You’ll eat kale and quinoa and chia seeds and you will drink the kombucha and you will like it!” Lena said, laughing maniacally.

 

“I have to pee,” Kara said, huffily. She smiled when she heard Lena order two extra-large pizzas with only half of one covered with kale and truffle oil, or whatever it was that she normally ordered. Kara smiled as she anticipated her double cheese, double pepperoni and extra garlic extravaganza.

 

“Hey, Lee?” she called from the bathroom.

 

“Yeah?” Lena replied.

 

“Will you still love me if I smell like pepperoni and cheese and garlic?” Kara asked.

 

There was a pause, and Kara winced as she realised what she’d said. It was a little early to be talking about love.

 

“I love you even though I have to watch you _eat_ those monstrosities, Kara Danvers. I doubt a little garlic breath is going to change that now.”

 

Kara washed her hands, laughing as she caught herself blushing in the mirror. Lena loved her. Platonically, non-platonically, whatever. Lena loved her.

 

She smiled as she went back into the living room, finding Lena wrapped up in a comfortable hoodie and pyjama bottoms.

 

“You know, something about seeing you in my clothes makes me feel… funny,” Kara said, biting her lip.

 

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Lena asked, smiling up at her.

 

“I guess it just feels strange that you…my clothes are touching your bare skin. You smell like me. That’s… incredibly hot,” Kara said, leaning on a beam, arms crossed.

 

“You are the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, Kara Danvers. Now get over here.”

 

Kara managed to make Lena come once – and a half – before the pizzas arrived. She made up for it afterwards, however, if the hoarseness of Lena’s voice the next day was any indication. Thank Rao they didn’t have a performance that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara talks to her friends about her first night with Lena, they enjoy their second night, and a new cast member arrives

* * *

 

Lena left at lunch, promising to be back later.

 

“It’s just some stupid stuff I need to sort out, about some of my family’s holdings. I thought I was done with it,” Lena said, ruefully.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie. We don’t have to spend every minute together. If you just want some space, I understand. This has been… intense,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“No, Kara. That’s not it. I need to sort this stuff out, speak to my lawyers and some others, and I should be back for dinner. In fact, why don’t I bring something? Any preferences?”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“Just not kale,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

 

“Fine,” Lena said, pretending to pout. She kissed Kara and left, leaving her perfume hanging in the air behind her.

 

Kara took a deep breath, leaning back on the couch. Was this really happening?

 

Alex texted her a while later, and she and Maggie and Winn turned up about twenty minutes after that with enough baked goods to ensure that Kara would share. Kara on a sugar high was talkative.

 

Alex needn’t have bothered with the baked goods, as it turned out, because Kara _really_ wanted to share.

 

“Man. I had no idea what it could be like, with someone who you really care about, you know?” Kara said, a huge smile on her face.

 

“Is this the first time you’ve been with a girl?” Maggie asked, as she bit into some hellish vegan pastry that looked like it had been desiccated in the Sahara for a few months.

 

“Yes. It’s the first time I’ve even really thought about a girl that way,” Kara said, around a mouthful of cruller.

 

“Well, I guess if anyone’s going to do it, it would be Lena Luthor who turns a formerly straight girl,” Winn said, grinning.

 

“Shut it, Wilbur. Or I’m calling Tisch and telling Cat Grant you want private singing lessons,” Kara retorted.

 

Winn actually blanched, and the three women laughed at him maniacally.

 

“What’s up with Cat, anyway?” Alex asked. “I thought she’d have been here at your first show, what with her being your mentor and all.”

 

“She sent flowers,” Kara said. “She’s really busy right now with admissions and exams. And her younger son is going through some stuff.”

 

“Wow, Kar. You really know a lot about Cat Grant. I mean, are you sure you didn’t ever have feelings for her?” Maggie asked, head tilted.

 

Kara thought about it for a moment, and then reddened.

 

“I think… you might be right, actually,” Kara said, gasping with embarrassment.

 

Maggie held her hand out, and Alex and Winn both pulled money from their pockets and put the notes into her hand.

 

“You guys bet on me? Don’t you think that’s a bit… insensitive? I mean, this is enormously private, and you’re making money from it?” Kara admonished them all, pouting. She let a tear drip from one eye, artfully, before sniffling.

 

Maggie, after a moment, slid the money across to Kara, sighing. Kara cackled, throwing her head back, and Maggie glared, slapping her on the knee.

 

“Did you just play me, Little D?”

 

“Never try to play an actress, Sawyer,” Alex said, slinging her arm around Maggie’s shoulders. “You never can tell when they’re being sincere.”

 

Maggie muttered something under her breath, and Kara relented, handing back the money.

 

“Keep your ill-gotten gains, Sawyer. I will have my revenge,” Kara said, eyes narrowed.

 

“Sure, sure. You’ll have your revenge, until Lena walks past in those tight jeans and you choke to death on your own spit. I’m terrified,” Maggie said sarcastically.

 

“You guys are mean,” Kara said, poking Maggie in the arm and settling back, the pout in full evidence.

 

“So, to summarise, things with you and Miss Luthor are going well? You should have seen douchewad Mike’s face, Kara. He was still convinced he was in with you,” Winn said, grinning. “It’s nice to see that dude look a bit less sure of himself for a change. I know he’s handsome and all, but he’s such an asshole!”

 

“You won’t get any arguments from me,” Kara said, shaking her head. She’d heard about Mike’s little black book of women, the list he kept, ticking off each member of the cast or crew who was foolish or naïve enough to think he was a good guy. They all realised the next morning how much of an ass he really was.

 

They settled in to watch the newest Star Wars, Rogue One, which the three women hadn’t seen, and they spent a pleasant afternoon stuffing themselves with the remaining baked goods and a huge bowl of popcorn that Kara made halfway through the movie.

 

“Jesus!” Alex said, wiping her eyes. “I never expected it to be that sad!”

 

Winn scoffed.

 

“I literally told you at the start that it made me cry,” Winn said.

 

“You cried at Miss Congeniality, dude. She’s got a point,” Maggie said.

 

Winn glared at them all.

 

“Just for that, I’m not sharing the awesome piece of gossip I heard about a cast change.”

 

“No, Winn. You can’t just drop that bomb and then disappear!” Kara complained.

 

“Oh, but I can,” Winn said, shaking a finger at them.

 

“At least tell me it’s not me or Lena, best friend, old buddy, old pal?” she said, sliding over to sit next to him and bat her eyelashes.

 

“Of course it’s not, Kar. The production is going amazingly well with you two as leads. You know that. But you’re gonna be pleased, I think. Anyway, gotta go!” Winn said. “And you two? Sanvers? You can suck it. I did not cry at Miss Congeniality, I got stung by a wasp. In my eye.”

 

He flounced out, and Kara collapsed into the couch, giggling.

 

“How is he not gay? I mean, he’s the gayest straight guy I’ve ever met,” Kara said.

 

“God only knows,” Maggie said, sniggering. “So. Tell me. This whole glowing thing you’ve got going on, this is Elsa’s doing?”

 

“Would you stop calling her that? If nothing else, it’s so far from the truth… you have no idea,” Kara said, glowering at Maggie a little.

 

“Woah… sorry Little D. Didn’t mean to offend. So. It was that good, huh?”

 

“Rao,” Kara said, leaning back into the couch, pulling the couch cushion into her abdomen and hugging it. “She was amazing. It was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

 

“You’ve slept with dudes, right?” Maggie asked.

 

“Yeah. But honestly, it didn’t feel anywhere near the same,” Kara sighed, smiling. “When she touches me, I feel like my nerves are, like, on fire. In a good way. And… god, I don’t even want to ask this, but is it normal to like, have so many orgasms in one night?”

 

Maggie chuckled, and Alex smiled.

 

“Believe me, Zor-El, it took me by surprise, too. Especially given that my previous experience in that area wasn’t exactly…” Alex trailed off, reddening.

 

“What Alex is trying to say is that dudes just couldn’t get it done for her, not even once. It’s ladies, self-service, or nothing,” Maggie said, grinning as Alex socked her in the arm.

 

“Rao. I’m going to have to hear this stuff all the time now, aren’t I?” Kara groaned. “I can’t handle it. I’m gonna have to go back to men!”

 

“And there I was, thinking I’d rocked your world,” Lena said dryly, from the doorway, bags of food hanging from her arm. She set them down on the counter, crossing her arms, and waited for Kara to answer.

 

“Lena! You’re back!”

 

Kara leapt up and threw herself into Lena’s arms, kissing her like she hadn’t seen her in months.

 

“Okay, so I’m confused. Did I rock your world, or didn’t I?” Lena asked, looking up at her with a smirk.

 

“Definitely rocked my world. Definitely,” Kara said, smiling. Grinning, really.

 

“Good to know,” Lena said, chuckling.

 

“Hey, you guys,” she said, waving over Kara’s shoulder to Alex and Maggie, who were watching them with barely-concealed grins on their faces.

 

“Hey, lesbian Lothario,” Maggie said.

 

“Uh huh,” Lena said, raising an eyebrow slightly. “So, why are you going back to men, Kara? Was I that bad? Because my previous feedback in that area has been… positive.”

 

“I’ll bet it has,” Kara said, staring at her dreamily.

 

“That’s actually my fault, Lena,” Maggie said, standing and ushering them to the couch. She grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass for Lena, a couple of beers, and a fresh chocolate milk for Kara. “I may or may not have enjoyed making Kara do that ‘ick’ face, you know when she wrinkles her nose? I found out pretty quick that any mention of sex makes her do that, and if you carry on, she does a high-pitched noise, like when you let the air out of a balloon. And the blushing! Don’t get me started on the blushing. It’s just so much fun, you know? And now she’s jumped on the LGBT+ bus, she just realised I was never gonna stop with the teasing. Hence the comment about going back to men. Believe me, Alex and I were getting a little sick hearing about how good it all was last night.”

 

Lena grinned at Kara.

 

“I’m relieved to hear that,” she said. “I thought I’d lost my touch.”

 

“So, was it good for you, Lena?” Maggie asked, just as Kara took a drink from her chocolate milk. Some of it shot out of her nose, and a little dribbled out of the corner of her eye, for some reason.

 

“That’s the grossest thing I think I’ve ever seen,” Lena said, laughing so hard that her mascara ran.

 

“That’s my sister for you,” Alex said, wiping her eyes.

 

Kara glared at them all, standing up and grabbing a cloth to clean up the mess. She wiped her face and returned to the couch with slightly-bruised dignity.

 

“In answer to your unfortunately-timed question, Margaret, it was amazing. Kara tells me I have you to thank for instructing her on how to… please a woman. Let me just say, you must be an amazing teacher.”

 

Alex coughed behind Maggie, leaning forward.

 

“Um… would someone care to explain what sort of instruction my girlfriend provided to my little sister?” she demanded.

 

“Book-learning only,” Maggie assured her. “I drew a few diagrams, told her which areas dudes normally don’t notice that women love. I thought it might help.”

 

Alex deflated, relieved.

 

“Okay. That’s fair enough. But do me a favour and announce it a little less dramatically next time you play sex therapist for a newbie, will you?” Alex said, hand on her chest.

 

“Sorry, babe,” Maggie said, looking not even a little bit sorry. Lena snorted, laughing, and they were quiet for a few minutes.

 

“So, Lena,” Alex said, exaggeratedly casual. “I think you and I need to have a little talk. Outside?”

 

Kara groaned.

 

“Jesus, Alex. Are you for real? We’ve been on one date. And you’ve known Lena for years!”

 

“It’s my job, as the elder sibling. That’s what we do,” Alex said, gesturing to Lena to follow her.

 

Lena sighed, standing up and putting her wine on the coffee table.

 

“Come on then, Danvers. Let’s do this.”

 

They went outside and Kara was left sitting with Maggie, wondering what was going to happen next.

 

“She’s not going to say anything nasty. Just the usual, if you hurt my baby sister they’ll never find the body. It’s tradition,” Maggie said.

 

Kara shook her head. She just hoped Alex didn’t alienate Lena.

 

“You’re in pretty deep, aren’t you, Danvers?” Maggie said, gently.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. She’s pretty amazing. After you get through all that prickly stuff going on, on the outside, she’s sweet and soft and caring.”

 

“Yeah, she is. You know every Thanksgiving she buys dinner for the whole cast and crew?” Maggie asked.

 

“I didn’t know that. But it doesn’t surprise me,” Kara said. “She’s generous and so sweet and beautiful. I don’t get why people don’t see it.”

 

“Oh, they do. They all just play along with the ice queen thing. Mostly. She can be a bit prickly, and people leave her alone when she’s like that, but most of the time she’s sweet and funny and most of the cast and crew love her.”

 

“Really?” Kara asked.

 

“Yup. Honestly. I think Anna’s a little scared of her, but pretty much everyone else likes her. A lot.”

 

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Kara said, smiling widely.

 

Just then, Alex and Lena came back into the room, both smiling.

 

“Thank Rao. You didn’t kill each other,” she said, sighing.

 

“No, not this time, sis. If she hurts you, though…”  


“They’ll never find the body, yadda yadda yadda,” Lena said, sounding bored.

 

“Hey, don’t go making a joke out of this, Luthor. I will take you down,” Alex said.

 

“Oh, shut it, Alex. She wasn’t too nasty, was she, Lee?” Kara asked, as Lena flopped down beside her.

 

“No, she was fine. It’s nice to see how much she loves you,” Lena said. Kara pulled Lena close, wrapping her arms around her. Lena settled against her with a happy sigh.

 

“Sappy baby lesbians,” Maggie said, whining to Alex. “How can we hate them when they’re so fucking cute?”

 

Kara looked over at them, grinning.

 

“You’re just jealous because we’re in the honeymoon period,” she said smugly. “And there is such a thing as bisexuality, okay?”

 

“Oh, shut up, Kara. We’re not doing a contest of who’s the hottest couple. Because if we do, you’re gonna find that Maggie has a serious exhibitionist streak that you will _not_ enjoy,” Alex said, sternly.

 

Kara blanched. The things she’d seen already – how much worse could it get?

 

“It could get So. Much. Worse. Little Danvers,” Maggie said, leaning forward threateningly.

 

“Okay, Lena, I’m going to have to invoke the girlfriend clause. I’m not frightened of spiders, but I do need you to rescue me from Maggie, like, right now,” Kara said, hiding her head in Lena’s hair.

 

“Don’t try to fuck with Maggie, sweetie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her embarrassed, not even when Alex proposed in front of the entire cast and crew. There are certain people who just don’t know the meaning of shame,” Lena said, in a stage whisper that could clearly be heard several apartments over.

 

Maggie and Alex stayed a little longer, and they laughed and teased and joked. When they left, however, Lena pinned Kara to the door, biting and kissing at her neck.

 

“Wow. I missed you, babe,” Kara said, breathing heavily. Lena’s hand moved down to grab her ass, and she took in a sharp intake of breath.

 

Lena pulled her top off, flinging it behind her, and put Kara’s hands on her breasts. Kara had been about to press pause on their evening, to heat up whatever food Lena had brought and relax for an hour, but suddenly her libido was roaring, and she lifted Lena up, wrapping her thighs around her waist. She walked them into the bedroom, kissing all the way, wet, sloppy kisses that were just mostly moaning against each other’s mouths. Kara dropped Lena gently to the bed and stripped out of her clothes in record time. She pulled Lena’s pants and underwear off in one swift motion, and wasted no time in making Lena scream. Twice in a row.

 

Kara was finding this lesbian sex thing to be a little bit of a revelation. Falling for a woman was one thing – she hadn’t really had any choice in that, but the amazing sex was proving to be a very pleasant side effect of falling for Lena Luthor.

 

It was about 2 hours later when they made their way back into the living room. Kara heated the food quickly -  chicken parmigiana with all sorts of breads and dessert for her, and a small pasta dish for Lena with a side salad. They ate quietly, snuggling for the rest of the evening watching Lucifer.

 

“I never realised before, but I find Maze so much more attractive than I ever found Lucifer. I mean, he’s handsome and somehow completely non-threatening, despite the devil thing, but she’s just… wow, you know?” Kara said, sighing.

 

“I think you’re probably going to find that a lot of things aren’t exactly like you remember, Kar. Like you might remember watching Mission Impossible and thinking Tom Cruise was cute, but then if you go back and watch it again – you’ll realise it was the love interest that you liked. Obviously not in every case, since you seem to be bisexual at least. But that was how it was for me, when I realised I was in love with Jess,” Lena said.

 

“What’s she like? No-one really talks about her, and I can’t help thinking that it’s my fault, you know? Because I’m the new kid?” Kara said.

 

“I think it has a lot more to do with our break-up,” Lena said. “She left without telling me she was going, but she’d told Snapper and Winn and everyone else. She didn’t spend all of her time with me, so it wasn’t hugely unusual for me not to see her on our off days. So I arrived on Tuesday for the first performance of the week, and was blindsided when I got on stage and it was one of the understudies playing Glinda. I found Winn at intermission, and he just stared at me when I asked him where she was. He eventually managed to tell me, stuttering the whole time, and it’s only because I was determined never to be that person that walks out on a production that I stayed that night. I carried on with the job but I paid a lot of attorneys a lot of money to get me out of the contract. My intention was to take off for a while, relax and try not to think about Jess or theatre or anything that had hurt me. The whole crew – when Jess came back to pick up some stuff – every single one of them ignored her, right down to the front of house staff and the Stage doorkeeper. I’ve never been so touched in my whole life.”

 

“Did she say anything to you? Did she ever explain?”

 

“Yes. She came to see me after the show that night, and gave me this BS that we had outgrown each other, and she managed to get a job on a movie. Our time was great, but it had run its course. I should have realised, I guess, because she was never… she wouldn’t cuddle, she rarely stayed over, and sometimes she was just plain mean. But I didn’t notice, because I was in love. God knows who I was in love with, because it certainly wasn’t that girl who told me we’d ‘run our course’. I honestly think I made her up,” Lena said, with a bitter chuckle.

 

“Hey, there was no way you could know she would do that, Lee. She just up and left without warning. What kind of person does that? How long were you together?” Kara asked.

 

“We worked together for a while, and then dated sort of casually before we were official. Probably about 2 years as an actual couple,” Lena said, sighing.

 

“Wow. Well, in that case, I think she’s a jerk. Because you can’t just… be with someone, like that, and then just walk out without even having the decency of telling them,” Kara said, shaking her head. “She didn’t deserve you.”

 

“You’re so sweet, Kara. I don’t know if I deserve you, that’s for sure,” Lena said, smiling.

 

“I see you, Lena. You are amazing, and talented, and you care so much about everything and everyone. Even if you do a good job of hiding it. I know you, Lena, and I know you know me. I would never do that to you, I hope you know. If you want me to go, I’ll go. But I’ll never do it without telling you first,” Kara said, sincerely.

 

They went to bed, wrapped up in each other, and as they drifted off to sleep Kara realised that Lena hadn’t promised the same, that she wouldn’t leave. The thought made her uneasy, so she pulled Lena closer and let the sleeping woman’s steady heartbeat calm her.

 

***

 

Winn’s news became apparent when they returned to the theatre that Tuesday. Fiyero had been recast, because Mike’s philandering had not gone unnoticed by management, and one of the many women he’d slept with had made a sexual harassment complaint about him. He didn’t want to take no for an answer, even though the girl wanted nothing to do with him once she’d found out about the little black book. And once one person came forward, several more did, including people who’d already left the production.

 

“He’s not going to get another job in this town,” Winn said, gleefully, as he told Kara and Lena that evening.

 

“Well, thank goodness for small mercies. That guy is a complete ass. He has been trying to get Kara into bed since day one,” Lena retorted.

 

“So, who’s taking over?” Kara asked.

 

“James Olsen,” Winn said, smiling.

 

Kara blinked, somehow managing to keep a straight face. She hadn’t had many relationships in her life, but probably the most meaningful (before Lena) was the one she had with James Olsen. Winn didn’t know about it because it was after his time at Tisch. They’d left on good enough terms, when she realised that he was still in love with Lucy Lane, his on-again, off-again girlfriend. It had been Kara’s first experience with that sort of heartbreak.

 

When Winn left, Lena looked at Kara curiously.

 

“What was that all about? Do you know James Olsen?” Lena asked, one eyebrow cocked.

 

“I do. He’s my ex. From back when we were at Tisch. Winn never met him, because of the whole thing with his dad,” Kara said, sighing.

 

Lena looked at her carefully.

 

“It didn’t end well, I take it?”

 

“He was still in love with his ex. You know Lucy Lane?”

 

“Vaguely,” Lena said. “She’s doing Waitress on Broadway, right?”

 

“Yes. Took over from Jessie Mueller,” Kara said, shortly. Lucy was really talented and a lovely person, but even hearing her name still brought back bad memories for Kara. James… she’d really believed he was her one.

 

“You don’t have to stay on if it’s going to be that upsetting for you, Kar,” Lena said gently. “I can help you get out of your contract if you’re stuck.”

 

“I appreciate the offer, Lena. But he’s really a great guy, a real talent, and he’s like, a million times better than Mike could ever be. So let’s just do our jobs. The production will be so much better for it.”

 

Lena smiled at her.

 

“You’re really something, Kara Danvers. I wish I had your strength.”

 

“You do, Lee. You’re still here, aren’t you?” Kara said, shaking her head a little at Lena’s lack of belief in herself.

 

They went their separate ways to get stage ready, and Kara tried not to think about James Olsen. She was happy with Lena, happier than she had ever been before, but that didn’t mean that her time with James hadn’t meant anything to her. Lena might be her Tara, but James was the Oz to her Willow. They could have been something. She wasn’t a person who found it easy to let go of those she’d lost, which was unfortunate in her particular circumstances, given that she’d lost everyone who ever mattered to her before she hit puberty.

 

Despite her misgivings, it was lovely to see James again, and he was easy to work with. They had always worked well together, and their voices blended in a way that was hard to describe. Similar to the way that Kara’s voice blended with Lena’s, but not quite as complete, as compelling. At least in Kara’s opinion.

 

After the performance James came knocking at her door, thankfully after she’d changed and washed off the heavy makeup.

 

He enfolded her in a hug before she could even say hello, and she giggled. He was always like that, so cuddly and friendly.

 

“Kar bear, how have you been?” he asked, smiling down at her from his great height.

 

“Not too shabby, Olsen. This is my first big role, but it seems to be going well,” she said, smiling and indicating for him to sit down.

 

“Are you kidding me? Everyone in New York is practically screaming about you and Lena Luthor together. Chemistry for days, one of the reviews said. Even stage types have been getting tickets to see you. That’s, like, high praise, you know?” James grinned.

 

“Yeah. We have a lot of chemistry. She’s pretty amazing,” Kara said, trying not to look too dreamy.

 

“You know, I have to admit I was a little doubtful when I heard about you working with her, what with everything that happened with her brother and your people. But everyone here seems to think she’s great. So I’m glad to see you enjoying it all so much,” James said.

 

“Thank you. And how have you been?” Kara asked.

 

“Oh, you know. I toured with a band for a while. We had a number one single, but then it all went up in smoke. So I came back to theatre. I’ve been working on Hamilton – one of the tours. It’s been amazing,” he said, grinning. “And then Hank called me to see if I was free for this, and I said yes, because who doesn’t want to work on Wicked?”

 

Kara smiled.

 

“I know, right? You’d have to be crazy.”

 

“Yep,” James said, leaning forward to clap her on the knee. His hand stayed there for a few seconds, and naturally that was when Lena came around the corner and into the dressing room. She had been smiling, but her expression went flat terrifyingly quickly.

 

“Hey, Lee,” Kara said, easily. If Lena was jealous, she wasn’t going to let it be a thing by giving it oxygen. “Jimmy and I were just catching up. Did you know he’s been touring with Hamilton?” Kara asked.

 

“I think I did, actually. It’s a pleasure to meet you, James. I have been admiring your work from afar for years,” Lena said, smoothly. She held out a hand and James stood, wrapping her up in a hug instead.

 

“Any friend of Kara’s is a friend of mine,” James said. “So, are you ladies free for a drink? I hear there’s some fun to be had around here after the show.”

 

“Not for me,” Kara said, regretfully. “I usually try to go out on Thursdays for karaoke nights. But I need to rest my voice. What about you, honey?”

 

“Same here, babe. But Thursday, definitely,” Lena said, smiling.

 

James backed out of the room, smiling.

 

“I’ll see you guys bright and early tomorrow,” he said, referring to their mid-week matinee performance.

 

Kara grabbed her phone and bag and turned off the light, offering her hand to Lena, who took it after slightly-too-long pause. Kara ignored it. If Lena was the jealous type, she’d learn soon enough that Kara didn’t do cheating. Lena had nothing to worry about.

 

They made their way through the stage door gauntlet, signing programs and smiling for selfies. The paparazzi were increasing in number, she couldn’t help but notice. They got into Lena’s car and Lena asked, stiffly, if Kara wanted to go home or to her place.

 

“I don’t mind, sweetie. As long as I’m with you. Unless… did you not want to spend the night?” Kara asked, trying not to sound needy.

 

“I do want you to stay,” Lena said, almost whispering, her eyes firmly on her knees.

 

Kara turned in the seat, lifting Lena’s chin so that their eyes met.

 

“Talk to me, Lee. Tell me what you’re thinking,” she murmured.

 

Lena called out to tonight’s driver to take them to Kara’s apartment, then she closed the partition.

 

“I didn’t like seeing you with him,” Lena admitted.

 

“When? In my dressing room, or onstage?” Kara asked.

 

“I mean at all. I saw him touch you and I wanted to throttle him. I had to kiss him, Kara, and I wanted to murder him instead,” Lena said, in a growl.

 

Kara looked at her calmly.

 

“I know we haven’t known each other that long,” Kara said. “But you don’t have to be scared of me doing something like walking out on you or cheating. I feel very strongly about that. If I – or you - were to fall for someone else, I hope that we’d talk about it like adults instead of lying and going behind each other’s backs. I’m not here to hurt you, Lee. I’m here because I want to be with you.”

 

Lena said nothing, just moved forward and kissed Kara hungrily. By the time Kara carried her to bed, it seemed like she’d forgotten her whole fit of jealousy.

 

They carried on as if nothing had ever happened, but Kara was wary of Lena’s jealous streak. She understood, it, certainly, but she couldn’t quite understand why Lena would judge her as someone who would cheat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've put a comment on this story recently, thank you, and I'm sorry if I haven't replied. My laptop is being an asshole and I can't stay on the internet for more than a few minutes without it making my whole home network implode. While I wait to get it fixed, I probably won't be able to reply to comments. I hate to do that, believe me, but I don't have another laptop and I cannot for the life of me manage to reply to comments on my phone. I promise I read them and cherish every single one. 
> 
> (PS... Snaremv17 - Lena is definitely a mezzo in my mind. Kara has a delicate but strong coloratura type voice, with no discernible break, for which I sort of hate her. :) Also, the almost finished fic is 66k words. So there's a fair bit to go.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets some advice from an old friend, and Lena tries to deal with her jealousy. Also, one of Lena's drivers is mildly traumatised.

* * *

It was three weeks after James began his role as Fiyero, and the show continued to go from strength to strength. Kara was having calls almost daily from her agent asking if she wanted to do film work or to take a month off to do a tour of anniversary shows around the world. The sums of money they mentioned were massive, and her agent was sure he could get almost twice as much for her if she was able to talk Lena into doing the tour, too.

 

Kara wasn’t sure, so she did what she always did when she wasn’t sure. She spoke to Alex first, who agreed that doing the anniversary tour could benefit her career, and the money and exposure could also be positive. However, Alex didn’t have any advice as to whether taking a break from the production was a bad idea.

 

“They might think I’m getting too big for my boots, when I haven’t even been here 6 months. And what if I do go out there in the world and I do this tour without Lena and then I find out that it’s her who makes me good? Or I go and do a movie and it flops? What then?”

 

“I hate to say this, Kar, but I think you probably need to speak to Cat Grant,” Alex said.

 

Kara nodded, resigned. In truth, she really missed Miss Grant, and had always benefited from the woman’s directness and wisdom. But she really, really made Kara nervous. When Maggie asked her if she’d had a crush on Cat, she was stunned to realise that it was true. She could only hope that the crush was the reason for her nerves, and that it wouldn’t be an issue now that she was with Lena.

 

Miss Grant met her on a Thursday afternoon, just early enough to be called lunch and not so late that it might bleed into dinnertime.

 

“Kara, you look… all grown up. Come here,” Cat said, smiling smugly. She pulled Kara into a hug, and Kara blushed with her whole body.

 

That would be a no on the whole ‘crush disappearing’ thing.

 

“You look amazing, Miss Grant. How are things? How’s Carter?” Kara asked, sitting down carefully and lifting up the menu, as if she didn’t already know she was going to be having the burger with everything and everything fries.

 

“Carter – he’s doing really well, thank you. In fact, it’s partially due to you that he is okay at all. Your offhand comment about how something he’d said sounded like something an autistic classmate said once – it got me thinking. I took him to a number of specialists and it turns out that he is on the spectrum. Very high-functioning, but the more I learn about all of it – I can see how he thinks, now – or at least most of the time, and he’s so much happier because he’s not half as overwhelmed. He was getting this thing… sensory overload, at school and outside when it was loud or bright. I got him some specialist earphones and adjustable glasses to make things more comfortable for him. He’s at a different school now and he’s thriving, Kara,” Cat said, smiling so brightly that Kara felt tears threatening.

 

“Wow. I’m so pleased for you and for Carter, Miss Grant. It must have been a nightmare for him, getting so overwhelmed and having to shut down to cope. I have a little experience with that, myself, and I know how difficult it can be to handle,” Kara said.

 

The waiter came to take their order, and Kara smiled as Cat did her usual song and dance about the dressing on the salad and the croutons oh and could she have a cheeseburger on top of that, medium?

 

“So, now you know how I am. Why did you want to see me, Kara? Your reviews are phenomenal,” Cat said, head tilted.

 

“I… actually the production is going incredibly well. I love it, and the cast and crew – everyone is really great, especially with Mike Matthews gone,” Kara said.

 

“So why the crinkle?” Cat asked, tapping Kara’s forehead with one finger.

 

“I’ve had some offers. A few movies, and a world tour for Wicked. My agent says there’s a huge pile of money on the table for that one, especially if I can talk my co-star into joining me for the month. I think my contract allows for it, but I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. So I thought, who better to ask than you, Cat Grant, darling of stage and screen?”

 

Cat smiled fondly.

 

“You’re getting a lot smoother, Danvers, I’ll give you that,” she said, with a wink. Kara swallowed and choked on air. It appeared that Cat still had the same effect on her.

 

“I think you’re right to be cautious. Yes, you and Lena Luthor might be all the rage right now, but you’re only, what, 6 months in? On your first major Broadway show? You need to give it time to bed in, Kara. You need to earn your stripes. If you’re still doing as good a job in another year, then the offers will still be coming in, and then it will be time to check them out, to see which ones are worth looking at and which aren’t. I can’t make you do anything, of course, but if I were your agent, that would be my plan. Who is your agent, by the way?” Cat asked.

 

Their food was delivered just then, and Kara got lost in huge mouthfuls of burger and fries and tiny baby sweetcorn that were so cute that she had to suppress a shriek of delight when she saw them.

 

“So, who is it?” Cat reminded her.

 

“My agent? Oh, it’s Maxwell Lord’s company. Thankfully I don’t have to spend much time talking to him – he usually leaves me with one of his flunkies. They seem pretty insistent on me considering this tour, though,” Kara said, frowning slightly.

 

Cat narrowed her eyes.

 

“If I may offer some unsolicited advice, Kara, I think you need to get a new agent. Firstly, because if the rumours I’ve heard on the grapevine are true, Maxwell Lord is not a man you want in your corner, because he’s the very one who’ll stab you in the back. And secondly, because if it’s the production I’m thinking of, it’s run by the Lord Foundation, which as you might imagine is partly owned by Lord. His attempts to sign you on for it are self-serving, and will probably not be good for you or Ms Luthor,” Cat said.

 

“Okay. Thank you for being so honest, Miss Grant. I really appreciate it,” Kara said, smiling. Then she remembered. “You said something about rumours?”

 

“You and the Luthor girl. You’re seeing each other?”

 

“Oh. Yes, we are,” Kara said, her smile widening.

 

“Oh, Kara. The thrill of the showmance. I remember it well. You need to be careful, there. She seems nice enough but she’s been burned, before,” Cat said, cautiously.

 

“I know,” Kara said, nodding around a mouthful of chilli and cheese and was that pulled pork? “I know all about Jess, how she left Lena and didn’t even tell her beforehand.”

 

“Yes, well, I know about people. Those who feel constantly rejected, they are prone to… pre-emptive strikes. I don’t know her well, but just… guard your heart, Kara. You’re far too good for this world, and I would hate to see your heart broken,” Miss Grant said, unexpectedly tender. All of a sudden, Kara’s eyes were filling with tears again. Cat didn’t know how badly broken Kara’s heart already was.

 

“Thank you, Miss Grant. I like to live in hope, but I will keep in mind what you’ve said. I really care for her, if it helps. She has a reputation as an ice queen, but she is so caring underneath it all. She treats me so well, and when we sing together - Rao, it’s like I’m home, for the first time in over a decade,” Kara said, trailing off.

 

“I just need to make a quick call,” Cat said, interrupting Kara’s train of thought. “Don’t order too much dessert, Kara. I’m putting on weight just looking at you eating.”

 

Kara grinned, eating more of her burger and washing it down with cola. She could happily eat from dawn til dusk. It was one of the only things in life guaranteed to make her feel better.

 

Cat returned after a few minutes to find Kara tucking into some sort of peanut butter and chocolate pie. She’d ordered a slice of lemon meringue pie for Cat, who smiled and rolled her eyes, but she didn’t complain, digging in to the pie with a small smile on her face.

 

“I just spoke to my old agent, Olivia Marsdin. She’s not taking anyone new on, or so she says, but for me, she said she will. We have a history,” Cat said, smugly.

 

“Really? She would represent me? Why would she do that? Why would you do that, Miss Grant?” Kara asked, incredulously.

 

“Kara, the first time I met you, I thought that this industry was going to chew you up and spit you out on the sidewalk. I was wrong, of course, because look at what you’ve achieved already! But sometimes we all need a little help. And if you stay with Lord, you’re going to be steered in the wrong direction consistently. Olivia has been around this business just as long as I have, and I trust no-one more to separate the wheat from the chaff in the offers that you’ll inevitably receive, now you’re a bankable star,” Cat said, and she was entirely sincere.

 

“Cat, I don’t know how to thank you,” Kara said, in a half-whisper. She was too close to crying to actually get words out.

 

“You don’t owe me any thanks, Kara. Just get out there and keep doing a great job. I mean, you’ve even made Snapper Carr praise you in public. That old son-of-a-bitch hasn’t complimented anyone since, well – me! So helping you out is just my way of saying ‘well done,’ to someone I consider my successor, in some ways. So don’t get all millennial on me. Just take the compliment, okay?”

 

Kara nodded, wiping away tears, and they finished their lunch with some salacious gossip about two ageing movie stars who’d been desperately trying to pass for 30-somethings to get coveted roles in a HBO television show. Cat gave Kara Olivia Marsdin’s card, urging her to contact the agent to arrange moving away from Lord.

 

“I’m so glad to see you doing so well, Kara. I have tickets booked to see you next month. We’ll have dinner. I look forward to it. Make sure you say hi to Witt for me, won’t you? Tell him he needs to work on his diaphragm support, and enjoy the way his blood drains from his face. I know I always do,” Cat said, in parting. They hugged and Kara headed straight for the theatre, a little early for the show, but it seemed a good time for some quiet reading before everyone else arrived.

 

Kara was drinking ginger tea with honey, reading a novel about an astronaut trapped on Mars, when her mind wandered back to her lunch with Cat. She was glad she hadn’t realised how huge her crush on Cat really was, back when she had to see her every day. It would have made learning from Cat very difficult, instead of just mildly uncomfortable. She wondered if this was something she was going to realise over and over as she got used to this whole same-sex relationship thing. She didn’t think she could call herself gay, because she was still interested in guys, but she was definitely bi, or maybe pan. She wasn’t going to worry about defining herself just yet.

 

Someone knocked at the door about a half-hour before Kara normally arrived, and she opened it to find Lena standing there with some takeout.

 

“You weren’t answering your phone, and Alex said you were out meeting your old teacher from Tisch, so I figured you’d probably be here,” Lena said, leaning forward and kissing Kara.

 

Kara’s toes curled. Lena Luthor was an amazing kisser.

 

“You are the best, Lena Luthor. How did you know I was hungry?” Kara asked, pulling Lena inside her dressing room and closing the door.

 

“Well, you’ve been hungry since the day we met, so I figured I had around a 100% chance of you wanting something to eat,” Lena said, smiling.

 

“Thank you, baby,” Kara said, moaning in happiness as she found deep-friend chicken and shrimp with a delicious Thai dip. She was trying to work out how to get the shrimp into her mouth two at a time when Lena cleared her throat.

 

“So you met with Cat Grant today, huh?” Lena asked, expressionless.

 

“I did,” Kara nodded.

 

“And she was your mentor at Tisch, right?” Lena asked.

 

“Yes. She taught me so much. Like, can you imagine how lucky I was, to find someone like her to learn from? She was my idol for a long time, way before I ever started auditioning for parts at school,” Kara said.

 

“You are very lucky,” Lena said, but she didn’t sound happy about it.

 

“Is there something wrong, Lena?” Kara asked, evenly.

 

“I just… you never told me you were meeting her, and I… it made me worry.”

 

“I didn’t tell you because there was something I wanted to speak to her about before I decided what to say to you,” Kara said evenly.

 

Lena’s jaw tightened.

 

“Look, Kara, I don’t want to fight, I just…” she trailed off, rubbing her temple with a thumb. Kara discarded her food, pulling Lena to the small couch and rubbing her head gently.

 

“I don’t know what you’ve been thinking, Lena. But this last couple of weeks, I’ve had a pile of offers for movies and this Wicked World tour that my agent is really pushing me to take. I didn’t know what to do about it. My agent – Maxwell Lord – wanted me to speak to you and try to convince you to take a month-long hiatus from the show to do the tour with me. He said he could get me double the money. And sure, the money is attractive, but I want a long career, not just a flash in the pan, so I asked Alex what she thought, and she suggested I speak to Cat. She’s seen and done pretty much everything in her career, and she still _has_ a career, even if she chooses not to work much so she can teach instead. So before I brought it to you, I wanted to check with her, because she has never steered me wrong,” Kara explained, patiently and calmly. “Are you still with me?” she asked, putting a little more pressure on Lena’s temples.

 

“Yes,” Lena murmured.

 

“Okay. So I met her, we had lunch, we talked about her son, who is a great kid – I used to do some babysitting when he was younger. And I asked her about the offers. She said I should turn them down. Do the time, establish myself as a real actress. And she told me that the tour is actually run by the Lord foundation, so that’s why he’s been steering me towards doing it. Trying to make as much money for himself and his companies as possible. Cat went off to make a call, and she told me that Olivia Marsdin has agreed to take me on, at Cat’s recommendation. So I came back here to read and to chill for a little while. And then you were here,” Kara said, quietly.

 

Lena sighed.

 

“I’m sorry, Kara. I was planning to come by for lunch, and I knocked on your door and you were gone. I called Alex and she told me you were having lunch with Cat, and Maggie said something crude in the background about you and Cat getting it on. I just… I freaked out a little,” Lena admitted.

 

“It’s okay, Lena. But I told you. I don’t do cheating, okay? If I find someone else, by some miracle, who I’m interested in, I will tell you. Full disclosure – I have a crush on Cat. I didn’t realise it back then, and I’m so glad because it would have been a huge distraction when I was learning from her. But just because I have a crush on her – that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly not interested in you, okay? I know that Jess did a number on your confidence, but I’m not here to mess with you or because I want to take something from you. I want to be with you, Lena, because I like you. A lot. Maybe even more than like you. So you have to stop thinking this way. I’m not Jess. If there’s someone likely to get hurt here, it’s me, babe.”

 

Lena nodded, sniffling, and Kara didn’t stop to think about the implications of what she’d just said. She meant it – she was in this with Lena, and she meant that for the long-haul, for as long as Lena wanted her. She just had to be patient and hope that Lena would eventually realise that she was sincere.

 

Lena turned in her arms, looking up at Kara, her chin trembling.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kara. You’ve never given me a reason not to believe in you. I promise I am trying,” Lena said.

 

“I know,” Kara murmured, with a small smile. She leaned a little and kissed Lena on the forehead. “I promise, I am here for the long haul, Lena. I have never felt this way about someone before.”

 

“Not even James?” Lena asked.

 

“Not even. I cared about him a lot, and being with him was nice, but he didn’t make me feel the way you do, Lena. You make me feel all of those stupid things that you see in movies, like, you complete me, or I don’t know what I’d be without you, or whatever. Choose your crappy romantic lyrics, and that’s how you make me feel,” Kara said, smiling when she realised that Lena was smiling now, too.

 

“God, I’m such a fucking mess, Kara. Why would you even want to be with someone like me? You’re so happy and caring and I’m just… a pain.”

 

“Do you even see you, Lena? Because I see an amazing woman who had a really shitty start in life, but who chose to rise above it. You could be on a beach somewhere right now just counting your money, or terrorising a personal shopper somewhere, but instead you found something that you loved and you worked at it. No matter what your family might have given to you, they didn’t give you your talent, and you were the one who worked hard to get where you are today. I see a strong, beautiful, independent woman who I love,” Kara said, pushing Lena’s hair back from her face gently.

 

“Do you mean that?” Lena asked, eyes filled with tears, mouth trembling.

 

“Of course. I have no idea how I’ve lasted this long without you in my life, Lena Luthor. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it just yet in a non-platonic sense, but I really do love you. I admire you so much, and you have this inner strength that I wish I had even half of.”

 

“You amaze me, Kara. I can’t say I see what you see. But I hope that maybe I can be the person you see,” Lena said, smiling as Kara wiped away some of her tears. “And just in case it wasn’t clear, I love you too, Kara Danvers.”

 

***

 

Thomas was on shift that particular Tuesday night, and while he couldn’t honestly complain about the pay or the conditions as Lena Luthor’s driver, he did pray quite fervently that night that his wife had found time to buy him those noise cancelling headphones he’d asked for. Who’d have thought that Miss Danvers, with the blonde and the giggling and the blushing, would have such an incredible potty mouth? Not him, that was for sure. When they reached Miss Luthor’s apartment, the women scrambled out, leaving Thomas to open all of the car windows on the way home. It was a… distinctive scent, and he didn’t want Miss Luthor to be too embarrassed when he picked her up for work the following day. He put on vinyl gloves after he’d parked up, and quickly vacuumed the back of the car, meticulous as always, and thankfully tonight there was only one set of underwear and what looked like one… stocking? He didn’t know all the names of ladies’ underthings, but he carefully fished them out with a pen and put them together with the underwear in a small bag. He’d stick it in with Lena’s dry cleaning the next day, and nobody would be any the wiser. He sprayed some disinfectant around the inside of the car for good measure.

 

“Tom, you still in there, baby?” his wife asked from the doorway.

 

“Yeah, sweetie. Just cleaning up,” he said, smiling as he thought of his beautiful wife. 20 years of marriage and she was always waiting up for him to come home.

 

“The girls have a good night?” she asked, her voice coming closer.

 

“You could say that. They said the ‘L’ word tonight, and I had to wait outside of Miss Luthor’s apartment for about 10 minutes so they could… uh, finish,” he said, coughing politely.

 

Anna laughed riotously.

 

“Young love, huh? You remember when we were like that, baby?”

 

Thomas did a final check and determined that the car was clean, and he backed his way out of the door to find his beautiful wife smiling at him.

 

“I do remember when we were like that,” he said, quirking an eyebrow. “And if you, by any chance, remembered to make that purchase I asked you for, I might even give you a re-enactment of that one night under the pier. But with less sand,” he said, grinning.

 

“Yes, I did remember, and they’re on the dining table. Now, what was that you were saying about the pier, sweetie?” she asked, leaning up a little to kiss his jaw.

 

“Come inside and I’ll remind you,” Thomas said. Suddenly the night was taking a better turn. And no matter how filthy a mouth his employer’s girlfriend might have, no-one was sexier than his wife when she put her mind to it. And hey, maybe working for a Luthor wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

 

***

 

They had managed, somehow, to avoid having a karaoke night with James until now. It wasn’t that James wasn’t a nice guy; in fact, the problem was that he actually _was_ a nice guy. He was sweet, easy to work with, and talented. It felt like he’d been there forever.

 

Lena didn’t like to admit it, because it was weakness, but she was jealous. She could see from the softness of his eyes that he cared about Kara a great deal, and while Lena was fairly sure that Kara wasn’t the cheating kind, she had also thought that Jess really loved her, and look how that turned out! So she’d begged off the last couple of karaoke nights, feigning a strained throat or tiredness.

 

The latter wasn’t untrue most of the time, because she had been putting in a lot of time and money towards her little side project, and coupled with spending nearly all of her spare time with Kara, she was spreading herself a little thin.

 

She took a sip of the delicious red they served at the dive bar as James got up and did a sensual version of Alanna Miles’ “Black Velvet”. She’d never heard it sung by a guy before, let alone by someone so talented.

 

“He’s really good, isn’t he?” Maggie said, knocking Lena’s elbow deliberately. Lena stared at her flatly.

 

“Yes, Margaret. He’s a talented man. The whole package,” she said, biting back the bitterness and attempting a smile.

 

Maggie recoiled a little. Okay, so maybe the smile was a step too far.

 

“You know she is totally mad for you, Luthor. He asked her out the second night he was here and she told him no, that you were a couple, and that was the end of that. Has he said something to you?” Maggie asked.

 

“No. He’s really great, Maggie. I haven’t got a bad word to say about him. I think he’s amazingly talented and a really nice person as well. I wish I could hate him but I can’t. It’s not even about him. I just keep waiting for Kara to come to her senses and sees that there are so many other people out there who would be so much better for her than I am.”

 

“And how do you figure that, exactly?” Maggie asked.

 

“People leave, Maggie. I’m never important enough for them to stick around. One day she’ll realise that too,” Lena said, morosely.

 

Maggie flicked her in the middle of the forehead.

 

“Get a fucking grip, would you, Luthor? You know what Kara’s been through, and you know the kind of person she is. She would never have become your friend in the first place, never mind the rest of it, if she were that kind of person. But she got to know you, Lena, when she could have dismissed you as just another Luthor. So get a grip of your stupid insecurities and go ask your girl to dance. For a couple in the honeymoon period, you two need to get to doing some honeymooning. Go get caught fucking in a club bathroom or something. That always gets my motor running.”

 

Lena stared, trying to decide whether to punch Maggie in the throat or to kiss her and thank her for the great advice. In the end, she took the middle path.

 

“Thanks, Maggie. I guess I’ve been brooding a little, letting my past get in the way. I need to get my head out of my ass.”

 

“That you do, Luthor. That you do,” Maggie agreed, toasting her mockingly with her beer. “Now go dance with your lady.”

 

So Lena did. She found Kara talking animatedly to James and Winn, who had become fast friends in the few weeks since he joined the production, and bowed smoothly from the waist.

 

“May I have this dance, Miss Danvers?” she asked.

 

Kara giggled.

 

“I thought you’d never ask, Miss Luthor,” she said, with a huge grin. She handed her drink to a startled James, and Lena only just managed not to smile smugly. She really did need to get a grip – this insecurity, this jealousy – it was her issue, and Kara didn’t deserve to deal with it.

 

They danced together like idiots to the karaoke songs, kissing and touching, mostly chastely, but there came a time when it wasn’t chaste anymore, so Lena bit her lip and decided to take Maggie’s advice. She dragged Kara to the ladies’ bathroom, locking the cubicle door behind them, and in a short time Kara had hoisted Lena up with her legs around Kara’s waist, and was fucking her slowly and languidly as Lena bit at her forearm and fist to try to stop herself from screaming.

 

“I love you, Lena,” she breathed, with each long stroke, and Lena was in pieces by the time she came. How could she doubt this sweet person, this loving woman who’d done nothing but care about her? The answer was – she couldn’t. Not anymore. When she’d recovered from her orgasm, she dropped to her knees, heedless of the undoubtedly filthy floor, and she tried to make Kara feel half as good as Kara had done for her. Judging from the hoarseness of Karas’s voice afterwards, she’d done her job well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls take a break together. Some fluffy vacation time.

* * *

The theatre had a dark week coming up for some essential maintenance, leave that had been written into their contracts since they joined (or re-joined) the production. So Lena decided it was time to show that she was in, that she wanted to be with Kara. Not a declaration of marriage, exactly, but a declaration of intent, certainly.

 

“Kar?” she asked, when they were lying sprawled out on her huge couch, Kara’s head in her lap.

 

“Yeah?” Kara said, sounding half-asleep.

 

“Do you have any plans for the week we go dark?”

 

“No, not yet. I think Alex and Maggie wanted to take some time off together, maybe go on holiday or something. I think Maggie has something up her sleeve, actually,” Kara said, drowsily.

 

“Alex already proposed though, right?” Lena said, puzzled.

 

“Yeah. I think she might want to try having a baby, actually. That or adoption. I know they’ve been talking about it,” Kara said, snorting.

 

“Wow. That’s amazing,” Lena said. “So you think you’re free that week?”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Do you have a valid passport?”

 

“Um… yeah, I think so?”

 

“Cool. What do you prefer to do when you’re on holiday? Adventure stuff, like skiing or skydiving or hiking? Or do you prefer a beach with sun and a good book?”

 

“Either, normally. But after the last couple of months, I’d probably go for the latter. Would there be cocktails involved? And barbecued meats?” Kara asked, turning to look at Lena sharply.

 

“Is there ever a time when you don’t think with your stomach, Kara Danvers?” Lena asked, chuckling.

 

“No,” Kara said, unabashedly. “Now, about that barbecue?”

 

“Okay. I’ll make sure there’s plenty of barbecue. Are you up for a mystery week away with me, Kara Danvers?”

 

“Yeah, I am,” Kara said, smile widening slowly. “But you’re explaining it to Alex. We never spend much time apart, and I can’t tell her how to contact me if I don’t know where I’m going.”

 

“Stop being such a drama queen, Kara. You’ll have your phone. I’m not taking you to a secret moonbase. But yes, I will give Alex all of the details before I whisk you away, okay?” she asked, scratching at Kara’s scalp.

 

“Mmm. Yeah. You do that, and I’m just gonna stay here so you can keep doing that thing with the scratching,” Kara said, stretching a little and relaxing into Lena’s abdomen a bit more. Lena mentally counted down from ‘10’, and by ‘6’ Kara was already asleep.

 

James continued to irk Lena, but not because he was in any way overstepping or trying to involve himself in their relationship. He was respectful and polite and fun to spend time with and if Lena hadn’t been so far along the Kinsey Scale, she’d probably have wanted to date him. His unswerving goodness and friendly nature made it hard to dislike him, but she found a way. She could barely stand to be in the room when he was there. She started to see a therapist, for the first time since Lex’s trial, because she didn’t want to lose Kara by acting insane over an ex. Ideally she would have liked to speak to someone like Winn about it, but Winn was their friend, not just Lena’s, so a therapist would have to do.

 

Kara spent the next week adorably over-excited about their upcoming holiday, and she kept bugging Lena for information about where they were going, what clothes she should wear, etc. Lena stayed tight-lipped, however, just laughing when Kara asked her anything about the trip.

 

Lena did sit down with Alex and tell her where they’d be, and gave her the number of the island’s caretaker and of their house, and the number of their pilot as a last resort if anything should go wrong. But the weather was forecast to be fine, and Lena didn’t foresee any problems with the journey.

 

“That’s so nice of you, Lena. She’s so excited,” Alex said, as they shared a bottle of red wine at their Thursday karaoke night.

 

“I’m just glad she actually wants to spend time with me,” Lena said wryly. “Not to be all ‘pity party’ but Jess used to disappear, nearly every holiday. I spent the majority of them alone in my family’s mansion by the sea or in my apartment. I dread to think what – or who - she was actually doing,” Lena said morosely.

 

“She was kind of… a dick, Lena. No-one liked her. The only reason we were remotely nice to her was because of you, you know that, right?” Alex said, hesitantly.

 

“But… I was so distant, and I never even tried to make friends with anyone,” Lena said, mouth hanging open.

 

“Well, yeah. There is that. But also you made friends with Winn, when you could have easily cut him down to size if you wanted to be an asshole. But you didn’t. And then there were all those Thanksgiving dinners, and don’t think your donations haven’t been noticed when we’ve been having a hard time, like tickets to other shows suddenly being given out for ‘free’ and all those pre-paid meals at restaurants. And how Adam’s wife’s cancer treatment was paid for by an anonymous donor. We’re not stupid, Lena. We know when someone wants to be left alone, so we’ve left you alone. It doesn’t mean that we didn’t like you.”

 

Lena held back tears with difficulty, just nodding at Alex, who clasped her arm gently before letting go.

 

“So, have you got another island somewhere? Because Maggie and I don’t get paid anywhere near as much as you star types, and I left my island in my other jacket,” Alex teased, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Well, I only have the one island,” Lena said, thoughtfully. “But I do have properties in a few different places. Is there anywhere you want to go?”

 

“Woah, Lena, I wasn’t being serious. We’re going to see my mom in Midvale and then we’re taking the scenic route back. If we can swing it, we’re going to do the whole road-trip cliché, hire a classic car with the top down, all that jazz,” Alex said, holding up her hands.

 

“Okay. But if you change your mind – I do have a lot of property across the globe, mostly managed and rented out for holiday purposes to keep it profitable. But there’s bound to be one out there that’s free at any given time, if it’s something you want.”

 

“Okay, Lee. I’ll think about it,” Alex said. “It’s one hell of an offer.”

 

“Well, you have one hell of a sister,” Lena said. “And it seems like you guys have had my back for a long time, even though I didn’t realise.”

 

Alex smiled, and they toasted each other wryly.

 

Finally, it was time to go, and Kara was ready to explode and take off into earth orbit all by herself.

 

“Kara, relax, would you? I’m beginning to think that surprises aren’t the best idea for you,” Lena said, as she packed up the last of her belongings before closing her small suitcase.

 

“I just… I can’t keep it inside. It’s so amazing! No-one has ever done anything like this for me, before,” Kara said, bouncing on her toes.

 

“Well, you deserve it, sweetheart. I know it’s probably a bit too much, but I have money so I might as well use it.”

 

“I can’t wait,” Kara said, wrapping her arms around Lena’s neck and leaning down slightly to kiss her.

 

“You’re amazing,” Lena breathed, scratching at the back of Kara’s skull gently.

 

There was a knock at the door and Lena went to open it, finding Thomas waiting for them.

 

“Hey, Thomas. Thanks for coming so early. Would you mind grabbing our bags?” Lena asked.

 

“No problem, Miss Luthor. And it’s not a problem. I’m always up this early anyway, and you gave me the whole week off afterwards. That was not necessary,” Thomas said, smiling. He went to grab their bags, smiling and saying, ‘good morning,’ to Kara as he collected their belongings.

 

“Okay, sweetheart. Shall we go?” Lena asked, holding out an arm for Kara to take. Kara took it, beaming, and they locked up, following Thomas to the car. Today, it was a fully-decked out limousine, and Kara squealed when she saw it.

 

“Lena! You got a limo?!”

 

“I did. Only the best for you, sweetheart,” Lena said, chuckling.

 

Kara was hyper for the drive to the airport, and even more so when she realised that they were taking a private plane.

 

“You… This… What?” Kara stared at Lena, flabbergasted.

 

“My family had a jet. It worked out better to keep it on and hire it out than to sell it. So I did. You never know when you might need your own jet, do you?” Lena said, shrugging.

 

“Lena, do you own the whole world?” Kara asked, eyes wide and serious.

 

“Yes, Kara. I own the entire world. You’re all my subjects, my little puppets,” Lena said, smiling her ‘evil Luthor’ smile.

 

Kara giggled. She hugged Thomas when he put their bags away inside the cabin of the plane, and she giggled when the cabin crew presented them both with champagne and fruit.

 

“The bubbles tickle my nose,” she said, making a stupidly high-pitched noise. Lena couldn’t help but laugh with her.

 

They took off smoothly and the crew left them to their privacy, instructing them to call on the intercom if they needed anything.

 

“Wow,” Kara said, wide-eyed, taking in the view and the comfortable leather of the chairs, using the automatic controls to put her chair back fully and then forward again.

 

“You are an actual child, you know that, right?” Lena commented, popping half a strawberry into her mouth.

 

“Better a child than grown up and boring,” Kara said, shrugging. Then she smiled, and it looked mischievous. “I’ve only ever been on two flights, I think. And they weren’t private,” she said, quirking an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose you’d like to induct me into the mile-high club, Miss Luthor, would you?”

 

Lena grinned, and pressed the extra privacy button she’d had installed so that the flight crew would know to only enter in an emergency, before turning the lights down and pushing Kara’s chair back, slowly. She straddled Kara, pulling off her soft t-shirt, revealing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

 

As it had always been, sex with Kara was a revelation. This time was something extra special, though. Kara managed to get Lena in a position where she was looking out of the window at the tiny waves thousands of feet below, while Kara slowly made love to her, holding her tightly from behind. There was a hint of vertigo involved, Lena had to admit later, but it was also a bit like flying without the benefit of a plane. Afterwards, she cried a little in Kara’s arms, and Kara kissed away her tears, and they smiled at each other, dazed, until they fell asleep in the comfortably-reclined chair.

 

The flight crew woke them a little later to say they’d be landing soon, and to offer some food and drink before they had to continue their journey onward. Kara, to her credit, didn’t ask where they were going from there, but just asked for some food. Lena had thought ahead and had the caterers order in a mixture of Ethiopian food and potstickers. The hassle was absolutely worth seeing the look on Kara’s face.

 

The last leg of the journey was on a tiny four-seater plane. It was taking them from the big island to the small island that Lena owned. She’d thought about selling it along with all of the other holiday homes and ridiculous assets that her family had amassed over the years, but she’d decided eventually to keep some and allow them to make money for her while still affording her the opportunity to vacation in a number of beautiful and private spots across the globe.

 

Their pilot, Charlie, was a tall grey-haired woman with legs for days and muscles to rival Kara’s. Luckily she was happily married and in her 60s, otherwise she would have been right up Lena’s alley. Kara stared at the woman in awe as she hoisted their cases effortlessly into the back of her immaculately clean plane.

 

“If you’re going to vomit, open the window. It won’t make the place explode. It’ll shake us up a bit, but nothing like with a pressurised cabin, okay?” Charlie said tersely, in introduction.

 

“I think we’ll be fine, Charlie. How’s Artie?” Lena asked, diplomatically.

 

“He’s great. Dotes on the grandkids. They’re on a hunt for a wild boar today, or so they think. What we’ve actually done is bought two little piglets for them. They’re great pets and they’re a great way to teach responsibility,” Charlie said, a rare smile crossing her wrinkled face. Now that she’d started talking, she would keep them occupied with anecdotes about her family for the entire flight.

 

The plane ride was short, about 30 minutes, and they didn’t go particularly high. They could see dolphins splashing around in the waves below them, and it was a little tiny piece of heaven. It was Lena’s piece of heaven, for now, but she was hoping that in time it would be theirs.

 

***

 

Kara hadn’t ever had an overseas holiday before. They’d driven from Midvale down the West Coast as a family, before Jeremiah’s death of course, and they’d done one trip when she arrived in the US to Disneyland. Or was it Disneyworld? She wasn’t sure, except that there had been a lot of strange-looking people in costumes and she was more frightened of them at first than she was excited.

 

This, though. This was how the 1% lived. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised – LuthorCorp had been a multinational corporation and what was left of it belonged to Lena, after her mother and brother were both incarcerated. It was a little obscene, Kara felt, but she also knew that Lena was well aware of that, and she sensed that her girlfriend had charitable plans for at least some of the huge sums of money that she owned.

 

They had arrived on the little island just before sundown, and Kara was delighted to find that Lena had arranged a bar and caterers run by a family from the main island. They were wonderful and sweet and provided music along with the drinks and never-ending supply of barbecued meats.

 

“Rao,” Kara groaned, as she accepted another huge slab of smoked brisket. “I think I’m going to die.”

 

“I think,” Lena said, thoughtfully, “that this might be the first time I’ve ever seen you full, Kara Danvers. Judging from what you ate tonight, I calculate that you would need to eat somewhere in the vicinity of 5 pounds of meat per meal to get you to feel full. Are you sure you haven’t got a family of tapeworm in there?”

 

Kara shrugged happily. “If they’re in there, they can stay. As long as I get to eat what I want and not put on any fat. Muscle is fine, in moderation. But you know what people are like when you gain like, a pound.”

 

“I’m well aware,” Lena said, with a groan. “You know, there was this bunch of fangirls who wanted Jess to be with Mike, a few seasons back. Like, in real life. They caught wind of Jess and me being a couple. I can’t remember what they called themselves, but apparently, they were calling me a fat heifer and saying I shouldn’t be allowed on stage because I was such a fat cow, I’d probably break it. Nice stuff like that. Some fans can be… less than pleasant,” she said, shaking her head.

 

“They said that about you? Obviously they’ve never seen that luscious ass of yours up close, because believe me, I have checked with scientists and they confirmed that it’s the perfect booty. And honestly, if they wanted to wish Mike on Jess? Good for them. Those two kind of deserve each other, don’t you think?” Kara asked, eyes half-lidded and dangerous.

 

“Well, yes. They would make the perfect pair of vipers. I can’t see what I ever saw in her, Kara, honestly. When I see the way you look at me, I’m just… how did I ever mistake what she felt for me as love?”

 

“The way I look at you?” Kara asked, turning to face Lena fully, her movements predatory.

 

“Yes. I mean when you look at me like you love me, Danvers. Not when you look at me like you want to eat me alive, though that works too,” Lena said, shuddering as Kara kissed her neck. She smelled like smoke and spices and the sweet cocktails she’d been drinking since they arrived.

 

“I think it’s time I took you to bed and showed you both of those looks, Miss Luthor. What do you think?”

 

Lena nodded, eyes wide, and Kara chuckled.

 

“Come on, Elphaba. Time to fly,” Kara said slyly, enjoying the slight shiver that went through Lena’s body.

 

When they got to their room they could still hear the music from their impromptu entertainment, until Lena closed the doors and switched on the (much-needed) air conditioning. Kara kept her promise, and showed Lena how much she loved her _and_ how much she wanted her, by the judicious application of hands and mouth and teeth and, of course, the way she looked at Lena. Because she _did_ love her, and she never wanted Lena to forget it.

 

***

 

The week was seemingly endless, but in the best possible way. They hiked across the small island, watching birds and dolphins and all sorts of other wildlife, including a small colony of wild pigs, reminding Kara of Charlie the pilot and her grandchildren. It only took half a day to walk across, but it was worth it to reach the pinnacle of the small hill that overlooked the villa. You could see for miles, see many other islands, large and small, and for some reason it felt like they were in a cocoon of silence, even though they weren’t at a particularly high altitude. They swam in the sea, ate the ridiculous overstuffed barbecue sandwiches made by the catering family, and made love on the beach.

 

“We should have brought more towels. I think I’ve got sand in my vuh-jay-jay,” Kara said, squirming a little.

 

“We’ll have to get you into the shower when we get back. Can’t have sand in your… what did you call it?” Lena asked, eyebrow quirked in amusement.

 

“Why am I not surprised that you didn’t watch Grey’s Anatomy? I mean, I suspected, but I hoped it wasn’t true,” Kara said sorrowfully.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena said, smirking. “Is that a deal breaker, that I don’t watch some soap opera of a medical show?”

 

Kara gasped, affronted.

 

“You are so going to regret that, Lena Luthor. Just wait until you see the episode where he traces 007 into her hand. I am going to watch you weep like a baby, and you will apologise to me on that day!” she said, eyes narrowed.

 

“Fine, fine,” Lena said, hands up in surrender. “I will watch your very wonderful, very serious television show and I am sure I will cry many many tears and apologise to you profusely.”

 

Kara gave her the side-eye.

 

“You better believe you’re going to watch it and enjoy it, Luthor,” she warned. (Lena wept profusely when she watched the episode in question, much to Kara’s delight.)

 

Lena leaned closer and kissed her, and thoughts of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice and even Scandal fled from Kara’s mind completely.

 

Kara decided to teach Lena to paint, on the third day of their stay, and while she had a steady hand and a sense of proportion, she didn’t bring much in the way of emotion to the process. Kara sketched Lena a few times, and the resulting pictures made Lena gasp.

 

“How do you… how do you even do that, Kara? It’s like magic! I can’t even… it looks like me!”

 

Kara could feel her entire face heating up. Her art was her private hobby, so private that only Alex and Eliza and her Aunt Astra knew about it. Not that Astra was around, or probably even alive.

 

“Thank you,” she said, shyly. They kissed again and Kara decided to paint on Lena’s belly and breasts. She drew the landscape outside, sand dunes across Lena’s chest, rising and falling, with waves over her décolletage and collarbones, and greenery and their villa on her belly. It looked so good when she was done that she took a number of pictures that she’d never be able to show anyone, but then Lena pulled Kara down on top of her and, between them, they very much ruined the painting, and quite possibly each other, at least for a few hours.

 

Their caterers were from Texas originally, a family of mixed Hispanic and German descent, and their food was incredible, but so too were they. Their music was a wonderful mix of traditional styles from Europe and North and South America, and the mother, Brigitte, insisted on the fifth evening that they have a dance and a proper celebration. Which they did. Kara had danced throughout her career and was fairly accomplished at various styles, including tap, but the wild dancing the Sanchez-Schmidt family introduced them to was exhilarating and completely exhausting. They didn’t even have the energy to do anything other than take a quick shower to rinse off the sweat they’d accumulated from the heat and the dancing.

 

“Are you having a good time, darling?” Lena asked, yawning, as Kara spooned her in the huge, comfortable bed.

 

“The most amazing time, Lee. Are you? You’re not bored or anything? I know you’ve probably been here lots of times, and maybe we shouldn’t have… we could have gone somewhere new, you know…”

 

Lena turned and put a finger on Kara’s lips.

 

“Would you be quiet for a minute, you complete lunatic? I can safely say that I’ve never been happier, Kara Danvers. This week has been the best week of my life, hands down. Does that answer your question?”

 

Kara stared at her, marvelling as always at the ever-changing colour of those eyes. “Thank you for bringing me here, love. I love it.”

 

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

 

The last few days were spent in much the same fashion, and while both Lena and Kara were surprised to find that they weren’t bored, despite the fact that both were used to more or less constant activity in their day-to-day lives. Here, it was perfectly acceptable to get up in the morning, have a shower together, eat lunch and then have a nap before doing the whole thing over again a few hours later.

 

“I’m going to miss this,” Kara said, on the last night, as they sat on the beach looking out at the sunset. “I’m ready to go back to work, but… this is like a little slice of Eden, you know?”

 

“I do,” Lena said, leaning back in her arms. Kara unconsciously tightened her arms around her girlfriend, squeezing her a little.

 

“Could we come back sometime? Maybe bring some others? Alex and Maggie, maybe Winn and a few others?” Kara asked, wistfully. “I know it’s not my place and I shouldn’t ask, but…”

 

“Kara, as far as I’m concerned, what’s mine is yours. Anytime you want to come here, just let me know and I’ll set it up. I know that it costs money and you probably worry about that, but the fact is that the only trouble it causes for me is making a call to my travel agent. They do the organising and I get a holiday, and no-one notices anything apart from my accountant. So yes, we can come back and bring half the cast if it suits you. I’ll build another house and you can bring the whole cast, in fact. Whatever you want.”

 

Kara nuzzled at the back of her neck, breathing her in. She smelled like the sea and sunshine and sunscreen and smoke from the barbecue that was going, ready for their last evening meal.

 

“You’re so amazing, Lena. Most people with money are that way because they don’t spend a dime of it. You just don’t care about it at all, do you? If you lived in a squat, you’d probably still be exactly the same.”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Lena said, chuckling. “I like a certain standard of things in my life. But that’s all they are, just things. Life is more than objects and private jets and people letting you go first. The most important thing to me in the whole world right now has her arms around me and is giving me goosebumps by breathing on the back of my neck. Money means nothing when it’s compared to this.”

 

“I love you, Lee,” Kara said, eyes filling with happy tears. “You really do amaze me.”

 

“And you amaze me, Miss Danvers. That unrelenting optimism that pissed me off so much at first, the willingness to forgive, your strength. The fact that you’re open to love at all after everything you’ve lost is just… incomprehensible to me.”

 

“What’s the alternative?” Kara asked, quietly, chin on Lena’s shoulder. “Isolate myself, only touch other people if I want something from them? That’s a pretty quick way to die inside.”

 

Lena nodded, and Kara could feel her thinking.

 

“I’m not saying that you’re like that, babe. Just that it’s not healthy to shut yourself off from people. I got a second chance to live when everyone I knew died. That’s not something I can just ignore. I have a responsibility to live my best life for them, and that’s what I’m here to do.”

 

“Amazing,” Lena breathed, again, turning her head to pull Kara into a deep kiss, leaving them both gasping for breath. “Let’s go eat, Danvers, before I eat you alive instead.”

 

Kara shivered. The food was amazing, and they danced until the early hours of the morning, and when they went to bed, Lena made good on her threat. Kara didn’t complain.

 

The following morning Charlie arrived bright and early, the tiny plane making a huge racket as it landed on the small airfield. The taciturn pilot did little more than grunt when Kara greeted her. Lena managed to get the woman talking about her grandchildren again, however, and the first leg of their journey home was pleasant and picturesque. Kara didn’t think she’d ever forget looking out of the tiny plane’s windows to see dolphins frolicking with huge schools of fish in the sea below them.

 

Their changeover to Lena’s plane took only minutes, and then they were in the air. After a brief meal and several cool drinks, they snuggled together comfortably in one reclined chair under several blankets, and when the flight crew checked on them, they were greeted with nothing but snores.

 

Thomas picked them up from the plane and deposited them at Lena’s apartment, where they took the time to shower quickly before climbing into Lena’s huge bed. They exchanged a few lazy kisses before they were both dead to the world, dreaming of the endless sea.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The honeymoon is over. Kara and Lena's shared past catches up to them, and someone makes a decision. The angst begins - you have been warned.

 

* * *

Lena woke up on Monday morning with her head more or less jammed into Kara’s armpit. Thankfully, while Kara was a little sweaty, it was just clean sweat, not the body odour earned from a particularly hard work out. She extricated herself carefully from Kara, trying to let her sleep, padding into the bathroom and showering for almost 30 minutes of complete bliss. Before they left, she’d had the foresight to arrange a food delivery to arrive just before their return, so the refrigerator was filled with all sorts of food, some ready to eat and some requiring a minimum of assembly or heating to be ready. After her shower, she chose a bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon, brewing some coffee and sipping it standing at the breakfast bar, reading the paper and catching up on what had happened in the real world during their vacation.

 

On the third page was a short story about Lex. He had made several appeals over the years, and all had failed because the witness testimony had been entirely damning. He was launching yet another appeal, however, and Lena couldn’t help but worry why. If he knew it was doomed to fail, why bother? She chewed on her thumbnail, a little agitated, when a half-awake Kara stumbled into the living room. She looked like sunshine, as always, and Lena internally shook her head at her own immediate response, which was to burst out in a smile that made her face ache.

 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said, putting the newspaper aside and forgetting all about Lex for the moment. “How are you feeling?”

 

“A little punch drunk,” Kara said, making a little boxing manoeuvre that almost ended up with her landing on her ass.

 

“Maybe keep the stunts for when you’ve had breakfast, sweetie,” Lena suggested, pouring a cup of coffee and passing it to Kara. “Are you hungry?”

 

Kara shot her a withering look.

 

“Oh yes, of course. You’re always hungry,” Lena said.  “Silly me. What can I get you?”

 

Kara requested something hot, so Lena dug through the food and found a premade breakfast containing all of Kara’s usual staples – eggs, bacon, waffles, syrup, pancakes, sausage, hash browns and something else she couldn’t quite identify. It had peppers in it, that much she could tell. She shrugged and followed the instructions, putting it in the oven and sitting down to finish her bagel, which was by now missing a huge bite or two.

 

“Sowwy,” Kara said apologetically, cheeks puffing out. “Hungwy.”

 

“I know, darling,” Lena sighed fondly.

 

When Kara was halfway through her breakfast, Alex called and invited them over for lunch because they had ‘big news’. Kara and Lena exchanged eye rolls.

 

“So, should we make a bet? Who wants to take adopting a child, and who wants to take IVF? Loser buys dinner.”

 

“I’ll take adoption,” Kara said, shrugging.

 

“Fine. I’ll take IVF (or similar procedure),” Lena said, smirking.

 

They were both wrong.

 

“We’re going to start our own production company. Independent stage crew with health benefits and our own hierarchy, our own union. There are too many times when stage crew are blamed for stuff or we’re fired when a production loses a little bit of money. Nothing’s ever guaranteed. We’re going to take on all the best Stage crew, managers, lighting, sound, electricians, and we’re going to offer ourselves for hire as a collective. We’ll be employed by our own company and not by the theatre, which means more job security. And we’re going to have dark pay, too,” Alex said proudly.

 

Lena stared at them.

 

“That’s your big announcement? I thought you guys were going to have a baby or something!”

 

“Well, that’s not off the table,” Maggie said, with her lopsided smile. “But we want better job security, better benefits. A little more in the way of guarantees. That’s why we’ll be hiring the best people to write our contracts and our procedures. That way, everyone knows where they stand and what happens if they go wrong, but they know that if they do their jobs well, we’re all in it together.”

 

“Wow,” Lena said. “Is there any way I can help with that? I have a great team of attorneys, and while this isn’t exactly their line of work, they will know who the best people are for the job. And it sounds like a really interesting proposition. If you need investors, I’d be interested.”

 

Maggie and Alex looked at each other in surprise, as if this turn of events had never occurred to them.

 

“That’s not why we called you for lunch, Lena,” Alex said, frowning. “We just wanted to celebrate with family.”

 

Lena blushed.

 

“I… thank you,” she managed, choking a little on the words. Alex smiled at her, the expression looking odd on her usually stern face.

 

“So, to new beginnings?” Lena said, toasting with her orange juice.

 

“To new beginnings,” the others echoed.

 

***

 

The next few weeks were a mix of busy shows and the domestic bliss that she and Kara seemed to have developed. Kara had a few telephone meetings with her new agent, Olivia Marsdin, who had promised to keep her in mind for jobs for the following year.

 

“She said that I had lots of potential, and that there’s a role she has in mind for me for a movie that’s in the early planning stages. It’s so exciting, Lena!”

 

Kara had jumped up and down in her chair in that enthusiastic and cute way of hers.

 

“I am so proud of you, baby,” Lena had said, lifting Kara and swinging her around in circles. “You’re going to be a star of stage and screen! Can I be your arm candy when you’re famous?”

 

“Of course,” Kara had said, smiling luminously, her teeth showing. “I love you Lena. You’re the best girlfriend I could ever ask for.”

 

“I’m the only girlfriend you’ve ever had,” Lena said, chuckling.

 

“That doesn’t make it any less true,” Kara countered.

 

They were growing closer and Lena was on the verge of asking Kara to move in. They spent almost all of their down time together, so it seemed logical. Not to mention that Lena really, really wanted to have Kara in her bed every morning for the rest of her life.

 

The first time she caught herself thinking about Kara being there for the rest of her life, she’d almost had a panic attack. It had been a long time since she’d allowed herself to think that way. Before Jess, even. Being a Luthor had driven hope of any sort of personal happiness from her in her teens, and she’d focused fiercely on her career instead. But now, with Kara, she felt like she might have a chance for a happy future. She’d even caught herself thinking about a little girl with Kara’s eyes and hair dancing around in their living room.

 

“Are you okay, baby?” Kara asked, sitting next to her on the couch and kissing her cheek noisily.

 

“Oh, hey, sweetie. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” Lena said, turning to pull Kara into a proper kiss. It took a minute before she was satisfied, and she pulled Kara’s hair a little, just to hear her whimper.

 

“I missed you,” Kara said. She’d been out with Alex watching a new movie at the cinema. Lena hadn’t been interested in seeing it, and she needed to sort out some business with her attorneys about a variety of matters.

 

“I missed you too,” Lena said, smiling. “Good movie?”

 

“It was okay,” Kara shrugged. “I enjoyed it more when I imagined you in the lead role. The lady in the main part was kind of… wishy washy? Like she didn’t want to be there. You would have been so much better.”

 

Kara launched into a detailed explanation of the film’s plot, and Lena watched and smiled along at the right parts.

 

“It does actually sound like my sort of role,” Lena admitted. “The guy tries to rescue her but she grabs the gun and shoots the attacker herself? That’s my kind of girl.”

 

“Ugh. He was so bland, too, Lena. Like Mike but even more dull,” Kara said, with an expression of distaste. Lena smiled and they cuddled a little closer on the couch.

 

“So, what did you…” Kara began.

 

“Kara, would you… would you move in with me?” Lena interrupted. She instantly blushed, cursing her mouth for running away with her.

 

Kara stared at her, hand on mouth.

 

“Are you… did you just ask me to move in?” Kara asked.

 

“I… I kind of did, yeah,” Lena admitted. She bit her lip so hard that she drew blood. “I didn’t really mean to ask you right then, but I did want to... I do want you to. To move in. With me.” She cursed herself internally for babbling like an idiot.

 

“I would love to move in with you, Lena Luthor,” Kara said, eyes steady on Lena’s. “I love you. You’ve made me so happy. I don’t even… I haven’t got the words.”

 

Lena smiled shyly, and then lunged forward, kissing Kara with the kind of eager abandon that quickly resulted in them coming, hard, together, not ten minutes later.

 

“I love you,” Lena repeated, face sticky with Kara, sweat soaking her. “I love you, and I never want to be without you.”

 

“Likewise,” Kara said unsteadily, legs and arms still shaking.  “Likewise.”

 

The actual moving in took a very short time. Kara hadn’t amassed a huge amount of possessions since Tisch, her most extravagant purchase having been her huge couch, which was wide enough for two people to sleep on it side by side. The removal men were done in an hour, and Lena’s couch, though far more expensive than Kara’s, was donated to Goodwill.

 

“You don’t have to get rid of it, Lena. By all rights I should sell mine, since I’m getting rid of my apartment,” Kara protested.

 

“I know this couch was your first grown-up purchase, Kar. And it is much more comfortable than mine. Now someone else can worry about keeping the white leather clean, and I can concentrate on snuggling with my girlfriend on our disproportionately huge couch,” Lena joked, arms around Kara’s waist and chin on her shoulder.

 

“If you’re sure, honey,” Kara said, doubtfully. But once the couch was in place, it suited the room better than Lena’s ultra-modern one ever had.

 

They flopped down on it after Lena generously tipped the removal men, and Lena pulled out a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator along with two glasses.

 

“Welcome home, Kara,” she said, pouring a glass and holding Kara’s eyes with her own. “I couldn’t be happier. I am so grateful to have you in my life.”

 

The champagne stains came out of the fabric covers easily, but Lena’s dress was beyond saving after Kara had covered Lena’s entire body with champagne and slurped it up from almost every inch of her. Lena did get her own back a little later, when introducing Kara to an additional shower head that Kara hadn’t seen before. All in all, it was a successful moving day.

 

_3 months later_

 

“Do you think Luthor is going to pop the question soon?” Winn asked, as Alex sat back in her chair, relaxing for the last time before the show began.

 

“I think she might, yeah,” Alex said, idly. “They’re so much in love, they’ve been sort of making me sick.”

 

“I’m totally envious,” Winn said. “They have the kind of relationship I want.”

 

Kara and Lena were half-waltzing on the stage of the empty theatre, blowing off steam between the matinee and the evening performance. They looked luminous and in love, and Alex sort of hated them for it, while being completely supportive, of course. Because anyone who could make Kara that happy was good, in her book.

 

“Do they ever fight?” Winn asked. “They seem like they never fight. It’s not fair.”

 

“They do. Little tiny bickering sorts of things. But I haven’t seen them fight over anything too serious? Lena was kind of a bitch at the beginning with Kara, but once they got over that, things kind of went from 0-60 in what felt like a week.”

 

“She had just broken up with Jess, and I had guilted her into coming back to cover for Siobhan Smythe,” Winn said, shrugging. “She was sort of entitled, and prickly. But Kara didn’t deserve it.”

 

“No. But at least they seem solid now,” Alex said. “And she’s the main reason why we’re only a few months away from opening Sanvers Stage Professionals.”

 

“You’re lucky your sister in law is a bajillionaire,” Winn said, swinging on his chair.

 

“We would have found someone to invest. It’s a great idea, even the attorneys that Lena hired agreed with that.”

 

“I know it is. It was partly my idea, after all,” Winn said, pointing at her.

 

“It’s rude to point,” Alex said, poking him on the cheek with her own pointer finger. He recoiled, whining.

 

“You know you’re going to be a partner when we get started. It’s just that we wanted it to be our name on the company, and you agreed,” Alex pointed out, when Winn was done griping.

 

“I know. I don’t want my dad’s name on there, anyway. Just don’t forget me, will you?”

 

“As if,” Alex snorted, pushing his shoulder so he nearly lost his balance and fell off his chair.

 

He glared at her and opened up his laptop, looking at a news page.

 

“Oh my…” he said, breathing out.

 

“What’s up?” Alex said, still watching her goofy sister and her (hopefully-soon-to-be) fiancée.

 

“Lex Luthor’s appeal was upheld. He’s just been released from prison,” Winn said, voice high and anxious.

 

“What?!”

 

Alex practically knocked Winn on the floor to get to the computer. When she read the story, she gritted her teeth, cursing under her breath.

 

“What should we do?” Winn asked. “We can’t tell Kara before the performance. She won’t be able to sing.”

 

“Is Eve in tonight?” Alex asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And what about Alanna?”

 

“I can call her,” Winn said.

 

“Do it. I’m going to tell them both before they find out from someone else,” Alex said, determined.

 

Winn nodded and she stood, shaking her head. How did this happen?

 

She stepped out of the booth and walked down to the front of the stalls, calling for Lena and Kara to come sit down with her.

 

Winn watched from the booth, helpless, as Kara and Lena broke down. He couldn’t hear them from inside the tiny sealed room, but their anguish was clear. He waited until Alex called him, and went to make sure that Lena’s driver came to pick both women up, bringing them home before the press got wind of what had happened and started looking for Lena.

 

“Snapper is giving them both a week off,” Alex said, later, during the interval.

 

“Is that going to be enough?” Winn asked. His face was crinkled up in worry. Alex found herself feeling terribly fond of her assistant. He had a good heart.

 

“I don’t know,” she said. She sighed loudly, letting a few tears escape for her sister and her broken heart. “I don’t know.”

 

***

 

 

It was all a blur. First they were dancing, and then Alex was telling them that Lex was free. Free to walk around, to do what he pleased. To kill more people, to leave more children orphaned and crying on a graveyard that used to be their home.

 

Kara wasn’t sure if Lena had slipped something into her wine that evening. If she had, Kara was grateful. The acid-sharp pain faded from below her ribs and she slipped away into blessed, dream-free emptiness.

 

The apartment was besieged. They had to find a hotel, much to their annoyance, because the press wouldn’t stop trying to get to speak to Lena. Then the news broke of who Kara was, and of her links to both Lex and Lena, and matters went from bad to worse. Coverage ranged from vilifying Lena for seducing the innocent last daughter of Krypton, and others painting Kara as some sort of weirdo who got off on sleeping with the sister of the man who’d killed her family.

 

They avoided the television as much as possible. Lena spent a lot of time on the phone with her attorneys and business managers, trying to silence some of the more disgusting news items and rumours. After a few days, though, she seemed to give up, and they sat in their hotel suite in numb silence on a tiny couch, watching whatever was on the television that wasn’t the news.

 

The understudies were forced to take on another week in the lead roles – not that they were complaining, of course, but the theatre patrons were less enthused, something that gained some traction in the press.

 

_We paid extra to see those two play those parts, and now we get Eve nobody and Alanna what’s her name instead? It’s not good enough!_

_You suck, Danvers and Luthor. We paid to see you, not the knockoff twins. Whatever happened with your brother and your family, it’s ancient history. Get back to work._

_Fuck you, Lena Luthor. Your brother destroyed that girl’s life and now you’ve ruined mine, because I had to see a shitty version of the show with two fucking understudies._

Those were some of the kinder comments on Twitter.

 

“It’ll be fine, Kara. When you’re back at work, this will all be forgotten by the next news cycle,” Olivia Marsdin had assured her, in her quietly reassuring way.

 

“Are you sure, Olivia? Because right now it seems like the press is never going to stop, and that we’re gonna have to hide forever.”

 

“It’ll pass, Kara. These things always do.”

 

For the first time since getting together, they went almost two weeks without having sex, or even kissing each other with more than a peck. There was so much pain between them that Kara didn’t know how to make it better for Lena, and she knew that Lena felt the same. They were helpless against the circumstances that lay between them, like a mountain of utter shit that neither could climb.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Lena had said, that first night, before Kara had ‘fallen asleep’.

 

“It’s not your fault, baby,” Kara said, in between sobs. “It’s not, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. How the fuck did he get out, anyway?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lena had murmured. “I don’t know.”

 

Kara had been a little suspicious for a moment that Lena had something to do with it, because she’d been speaking to her attorneys a lot and when Kara asked her why, said it was a secret project. But she’d smiled and put her finger on her lips, and she never would have mentioned it so casually if she was getting her evil brother out of prison. Unless she was secretly as crazy as her brother.

 

One look at the horror on Lena’s face had dissuaded her of that notion, however. Lena had clearly known nothing about it, and was in almost as much pain as Kara, if in a different way.

 

Things had blown over a little by the end of the second week, so Kara and Lena decided to return to the show. They had to fight their way through crowds of paparazzi and journalists to get to the stage door, but once on the stage it was like nothing had ever happened. There was a week of relative normality, and they made love almost every night, frantic and harsh and desperate, and Kara thought that it things had never been so real, so strong, between them.

 

On the Sunday morning of that week, Kara woke to find Lena gone from the bed, the sheets cold. Kara went to use the bathroom and then padded into the kitchen. It took her a moment to realise that Lena was fully dressed in her CEO-style wardrobe, wearing a smart burgundy coat and with two suitcases packed beside her. Kara stopped in her tracks.

 

Lena had clearly been crying, and had already reapplied her makeup, but now tears were leaking down her cheeks, leaving black lines in their wake.

 

“Lena?” Kara managed, her heart pounding with fear. Her legs were almost going out from under her, so she hastily sat on the nearest chair, several feet from Lena.

 

“I… I have to leave, Kara,” Lena said. She sounded broken but determined.

 

“To go where?” Kara asked.

 

“I… Lex contacted me. He begged me to come to Kansas, to find him a good doctor, to help him get better. When he was in prison he had a lot of treatment for his mental health, and he wants my help and support.”

 

Kara stopped breathing.

 

“And you’re going?”

 

Lena nodded, miserable.

 

“Why?”

 

“He needs me, Kara. He’s… he’s my only family.”

 

“But you’re _my_ family now, Lee. I thought… I moved in with you, and you… I thought this was forever, Lena. I gave up my apartment. I thought we were solid,” Kara said, not able to believe what Lena was telling her.

 

“He needs me, Kara. He’s my brother. He needs my help. How can I say no?”

 

“And if I ask you to stay? Can you say no to me?” Kara asked, almost inaudibly.

 

Tears were streaming down Lena’s face, now.

 

“I… I can’t, Kara. I can’t do it. I can’t leave him. I’m all he’s got. Please don’t ask me to do that.”

 

“Alex is all I’ve got, Lena, because of that man. And you’re leaving me for him?” Kara said dully.

 

“I know, Kara. I know it’s unforgivable. I’m so sorry. I wish that I could… but this wouldn’t work. The last few weeks have shown us that. There’s too much between us. What Lex did would always be there, always in our way. I… I’m sorry.”

 

Lena stood and went to the door, where Thomas was waiting, pale-faced. He went to grab Lena’s suitcases and grasped Kara’s hand for a moment, whispering how sorry he was.

 

When Thomas was gone, Lena turned.

 

“The apartment is yours. The deeds are being held by my attorneys. They’ll be in touch. Tell Alex and Maggie that I’ll continue my investment in their business. And tell them I’m sorry, Kara. I never meant for any of this… I should have just stayed as the ice queen and left you alone. I know it probably doesn’t mean a great deal right now, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

 

Kara laughed, tears choking her. Lena blanched, backing away.

 

“Goodbye, Kara,” Lena said, turning on her heel and walking out. She pulled the door quietly behind her and Kara sank to the floor, her heart, so carefully mended from its last fracturing, broke into tiny pieces. She put her forehead to the floor, remembering holding this exact position outside of the remains of her mother’s house in Krypton. She could almost smell the explosives in the air. She cried until she passed out, her life in shambles in front of her for the second time in her short life.

 

Alex found her on the floor later that evening. Thomas the driver had texted her to inform her of what happened, and she was distraught to find Kara in much the same state as she’d been in when she first moved in with the Danvers. She was walking and talking, but the joy that made her Kara was gone. Her blue eyes were dull and her speech slow.

 

“She left, Alex. She left.”

 

“I know, honey. I know.”

 

It was going to be a long recovery for Kara Zor-El Danvers this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that they will find their way back to each other. Honest.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Lena's departure. Kara does some stupid stuff before coming to her senses, thanks to one Cat Grant

* * *

It was Tuesday. Lena had been gone for two days. Kara had lost a lot of Sunday, she realised, and Monday was a little blurry too. But when Tuesday came she washed and dressed in time to take the subway to the theatre. Alex was staying with her, and didn’t understand where Kara was going.

 

“I’m going to work,” Kara said, tilting her head in confusion. “I’m going to work, because I don’t really want to stay in this apartment any longer than I have to.”

 

“We’ll get it put up for sale, honey. You can live with us for now if you want.”

 

“It’s okay. I can handle it until I find a new place.”

 

Kara knew how she sounded. She sounded lifeless and dull and empty, but there was nothing she could do about it, so she simply moved on to the next task. Alex tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t give up.

 

“I’m going to work, Alex. If I don’t have my work, I don’t have anything. I’ve already been out for 2 weeks this month because of the Luthors. I’m not giving them any more of my time.”

 

Alex nodded, putting her jacket on, and they caught the subway together. Kara ignored all the sympathetic looks and just nodded to each person who greeted her. She gave her usual excellent performance opposite Alanna, a girl she only knew a little, but their chemistry wasn’t bad. Nowhere near as good as… It would get better, she decided.

 

Months passed by for Kara, and she lived in a sort of daze. She worked and that part of her life was fine. Praise continued to come in for her performances. She found a new apartment in short order, sending back the deeds for ‘their’ apartment to Lena’s attorneys and leaving without a backward glance. The huge couch - the one she’d bought herself as congratulations for winning her first big role - stayed in the apartment, because she couldn’t bear the thought of touching it again now that Lena was gone.

 

Her new apartment was tiny, but it had everything she needed. She threw herself into her work and exercising, visiting the gym before each show and sometimes after, too. She stopped going to the group karaoke nights, but began taking private lessons in stage combat, horse riding, and other skills that she could use to further her career.

 

Alex was worried, and became more so when she noticed how much weight Kara had lost. She said nothing, but encouraged Kara to eat more each time she came round for a sister night. Kara was stubborn, though, and ate little, her appetite almost gone.

 

She knew that Lena’s attorneys were still in touch with Alex and Maggie, ironing out the details of their new endeavour, but she took little notice. Lena had left her without looking back, and she wasn’t going to worry about someone who cared more about their mass-murdering brother than they did about her. Maybe it was better if Kara never got attached to anyone. People just died when she loved them, or they left.

 

Not even repeated visits by Eliza could bring her out of whatever state she was in. She couldn’t bring herself to care. She was healthy, she was strong, she was following her dreams and she was in a position most actresses of her age would die to be in. She was as happy as she was likely to get, she figured, so she ignored the worried looks and occasional comments about how thin she was looking.

 

It was Cat Grant who finally got her to see sense. Cat came to see the show, a little later than she’d initially planned, but when she saw Kara in the flesh (what there was of it, anyway) after the show, she demanded that Kara come home with her and stay the night.

 

“Miss Grant, I’m flattered, but I’m not really in the market for any sort of relationship right now,” Kara said, eyes empty.

 

“Kara, don’t be ridiculous. I would never be interested in someone who’s so obviously in love with someone else. But you need rest, and a few square meals. Snapper has already signed you out for the rest of the week.”

 

“That’s not your place, Miss Grant. I’m perfectly fine,” Kara insisted.

 

Cat pushed her shoulder with one finger, and Kara staggered.

 

“Yeah. You’re made of steel, clearly. Get your damn coat, Kara, and follow me.”

 

Kara was too weary to argue, and she was in the habit of doing what Cat told her, anyway. She picked up her jacket and followed her old mentor to her car. There was the usual hubbub outside the stage door, and she smiled for selfies and signed autographs. When she was inside Cat’s car, she leaned back into the seat with a sigh.

 

“Get some rest, Kara. We’ll be home soon.”

 

Cat’s home wasn’t what Kara would have expected. Cat was all sharp edges and perfectly balanced colours, but her home was comfortable and filled with soft furnishings and beautiful fabrics. It was elegant and beautiful and much cosier than Kara ever would have imagined, and she was intrigued despite herself.

 

“Not what you expected?” Cat asked, leaning against the doorjamb and watching Kara look around.

 

“No, not really.”

 

“I can’t be a cold bitch all the time, Kara,” Cat said.

 

“I never thought you were,” Kara said, honestly. “But you do give a good approximation of it at work.”

 

Cat smiled.

 

“Sit down, Kara. I’ll get you something to drink.”

 

Kara nodded wearily, taking off her shoes and flopping down on the surprisingly comfortable couch. She tried not to think about her old couch, because that was one of the things her mind avoided. The hours spent on that couch wrapped up in the woman she loved, the woman who’d pretended to love her. It killed her to think about, and so she ignored it.

 

Cat sat down on the chair opposite Kara, handing her a glass of Scotch. Kara drank it down in one draught, and Cat rolled her eyes.

 

“You don’t have to pretend to be a drinker for me, Kara Danvers. I know you prefer chocolate milk. But I thought this might take the edge off,” she said, eyeing Kara carefully.

 

The heat making its way to Kara’s stomach was pleasant.

 

“Thank you, Miss Grant. I mean, Cat.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Kara was silent again for a while.

 

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you, Miss Danvers?” Cat asked crisply, after a few moments of silence. “Or are you going to try to persuade me that you’re starving yourself to death because your life is just too perfect?”

 

“I’m not starving myself,” Kara said obstinately. She was eating what she could. It wasn’t her fault that the thought of food made her want to throw up.

 

“Maybe not purposely, but that is what’s happening to you. Have you seen the online reviews recently? The theatre has had letters asking them to intervene in your health. Do you know how unwell you have to look for members of the _public_ to give a damn about you?” Cat demanded, eyes narrowed.

 

“That’s… it’s ridiculous. It’s got nothing to do with them. I’m eating healthily and I’m working out, I’m fine,” Kara said, trying to stand, getting ready to leave. Her legs gave out and she flopped back onto the couch.

 

“Healthy, huh?” Cat asked, rolling her eyes. “You’re just as bad a liar as you always were, Kara.”

 

Kara glared at her, too tired to move. Cat shook her head and stood, leaving the room. Kara heard her murmuring on the phone to someone, but she was drifting a little by then. Cat returned a few minutes later and brushed the hair back from her forehead. Kara caught Cat’s hand in hers, still more than half asleep, her mind with Lena. She kissed Cat’s hand, not entirely noticing the gasp that left Cat’s lips.

 

A little later, the smell of Kara’s favourite Thai food was wafting through the penthouse apartment, and her nose twitched involuntarily.

 

“Wake up, Kara. Eat something.”

 

It was Cat’s voice. Kara’s eyes snapped open.

 

“What…”

 

“Wake up, Danvers. Food, then sleep.”

 

Kara nodded, allowing herself to be led to the breakfast bar. She shovelled food into her mouth methodically, letting the flavours of her food mix in her mouth. She smiled and sighed happily, eyes half closed. A glass of chocolate milk was placed in front of her, and she drank it without thought, not noticing the odd chalkiness at the bottom. When she finished her food, she went back to the couch and Cat sat next to her.

 

“Do you want to tell me about it, darling?” Cat asked, gently.

 

Kara was thoroughly disarmed by the food Cat had tricked her into eating, the Scotch she’d had earlier, and the sleeping pills Cat had put in her milk.

 

“I loved her so much, Cat. It didn’t mean a damn thing to her. She left me without looking back. No-one I love ever stays. They just… they die, or they leave, and it’s just me, alone. So I’m not doing it anymore, Cat. I can’t. If I stay cold, they can’t hurt me anymore, right?”

 

Cat looked at her sympathetically, tears filling her eyes. She pushed Kara’s hair back from her face.

 

“You know, when I met you, I was expecting this fragile little mouse, frightened of her own shadow. Hank came to see me before you started at Tisch. He was concerned about how you would handle the stress, and he wanted me to keep an eye on you. So I did. But it was never necessary, Kara, because you were always strong. In your own annoyingly sunny way, of course, but strong nonetheless. I’ve always thought that women have a real strength that men don’t. We acknowledge our vulnerability, we allow ourselves to feel the pain and we still go on. We take that pain and we make it part of us, but we don’t dwell there. But it seems like you are dwelling there, in that pain that Lena Luthor left you with.”

 

Cat’s tone was sympathetic and Kara couldn’t stand hearing Lena’s name, so she gave in, letting herself sob, her heart breaking all over again. She fell forward into Cat’s arms, and sobbed her heart out on the older woman’s pristine blouse.

  
Cat stroked her hair and murmured nonsense. Kara sobbed for an indeterminate amount of time, her heart truly broken by Lena’s departure.

 

“When will I ever be enough for someone?” she sobbed.

 

Cat squeezed her a little tighter.

 

“You are more than enough, Kara. For what it’s worth, I think that Miss Luthor is going to realise sooner or later what a colossal mistake she’s made. Lex Luthor is beyond help, and she’s a naïve idiot if she believes that’s why he really called her. But you… you deserve the world, Kara. Maybe one day she’ll come back to you and make it up to you. Or maybe it will be someone else who finally shows you your worth, darling. But someone will, and this pain – one day you’ll carry it with you as a badge of honour. Like when you break a bone, and the bone is stronger where it grows back together. You’ll be fine, Kara Danvers.”

 

Kara stared at Cat, her eyes wide. Her drunk brain made a decision for her, and she lurched forward, kissing her old mentor, and for a moment, Cat reciprocated. But then she pulled away gently, and Kara began to sob, again.

 

“Oh, Kara. I’m not the one for you. If I thought you could just do sex on the rebound, if I thought you wouldn’t get attached and it would help you, I would do that, no matter how much it hurt me. But you would get attached and it wouldn’t be based on anything real. I know you know that, sweetheart. You have to feel this pain before you can move on, darling. Trust me.”

 

Kara could hear the pain in Cat’s voice, and she sobbed in Cat’s arms, telling her mentor and friend that she was sorry. Cat held her tightly, stroking her hair and her back until Kara was completely spent, her eyes rolling back in her head. Cat arranged her gently on the couch, wrapping her in a blanket, and she set a baby monitor on the table near Kara’s head before she sighed, turning to go to bed. Kara heard none of it, passed out as she was, and Cat didn’t mention it again.

 

The following morning Kara woke with a headache. It was the kind of headache a person gets after crying for hours, not from drinking. She sat up carefully, seeing Cat sitting on a chair nearby, reading glasses on, deeply engrossed in a novel.

 

“Good morning, Kara,” Cat said, without looking up.

 

“Good morning,” Kara croaked, mouth as dry as the Sahara in the height of summer.

 

“Are you hungry?” Cat asked, turning to look at Kara over her glasses. Kara suddenly felt ashamed, but she couldn’t think why.

 

“I… yes,” she said, realising with some surprise that she was actually a little hungry.

 

“I’ll make something. Go shower and it’ll be ready when you’re done,” Cat said, carefully placing a bookmark in between two pages of her book, pointedly not looking at Kara.

 

Kara went to shower, a little mystified at why Cat was pissed at her, and why she herself felt so guilty. As she rinsed her hair under the mercifully hot water, she suddenly remembered kissing Cat sloppily, a snippet of a memory, and Cat pulling away gently.

 

“Rao,” she muttered, shampoo stinging her eye. “I really hope that was a dream.”

 

When she was dressed in the soft, too-short clothes Cat had left out for her, she made her way sheepishly to the living area, finding Cat dishing up a huge plate of eggs and bacon and toast with coffee. Her stomach roared.

 

“Um… Cat, did I… did I do something last night? Something embarrassing or…”

 

“Forget it, Kara. You were drunk and upset. Nothing happened that’s worth talking about.”

 

Cat’s voice was crisp, her eyes flat.

 

“Okay,” Kara said, quietly. “But if I did say or do anything stupid, I apologise. You mean the world to me and I would never willingly embarrass or hurt you.”

 

Cat nodded once, sharply, and the matter was dismissed.

 

“Carter’s coming home shortly, so I expect you to drop the sullen attitude. We’re going to have a video games marathon and I expect you to join in with suitable enthusiasm. My son has missed you, and while I can’t do anything about the fact that you look like a cadaver, you will be polite and you will be pleasant, do you understand?” Cat pointed at her with some sort of cooking implement, and Kara swallowed, hard.

 

“Of course, Cat,” Kara agreed.

 

“Good.”

 

They sat and ate breakfast, Cat quietly confirming that Eve Tessmacher was standing in for Kara for the remainder of the week, and that Olivia Marsdin had called.

 

“She wants to see you. I’ve told her you’re at my place, so she might visit later. Just be aware.”

 

Kara nodded, taking a deep breath. She hadn’t met Olivia Marsdin face to face yet, and she didn’t want to meet the woman while she was like this – vulnerable and severely underweight and heartbroken.

 

“She’s mostly coming to see me, so you can relax, but she will want to find out why Snapper is so concerned,” Cat said.

 

“Wait, what? Snapper Carr is concerned about me?” Kara asked incredulously.

 

“Yes. I’ve had calls from Witt, from Snapper and from Hank in the last few weeks since your health has deteriorated. You have people who care about you, Kara. It’s about time you realised that. Just because Lena Luthor is too stupid to know a good thing when she’s got it, doesn’t mean you have to give up on everything and everyone.”

 

Kara nodded, ashamed. She had given up on everyone and everything except her career, and it was clear that she was fucking that up, too, without even meaning to.

 

She relaxed into the rhythm of the Grant’s home. Carter arrived home a little after breakfast, and he hugged Kara, something which startled Cat almost to the point of tears. Kara smiled at her gently, and Cat wiped her eyes, muttering something about allergies.

 

Kara sucked at video games. She lost several rounds of Mario Kart and then some sort of shooting game that involved a lot of explosions. She didn’t enjoy that, and Cat said nothing when she backed out of playing another round.

 

Cat got them some lunch a little later, sandwiches piled high with meats and salad and pickles. Kara ate as much as she could, Cat watching her carefully. She couldn’t eat anywhere near as much as she used to, and was feeling a little unwell after they ate. Cat suggested a quick walk, and they went downstairs to the communal garden area.

 

Kara was delighted to find a small duckpond, teeming with life even in the cold. There were frogs, tiny ones and huge ones, and a few geese.

 

“They tried to get rid of the geese a while ago, but mom kicked up a stink. It’s not their fault they’re not meant to be here. Humans drive them out of their natural habitats and then call them aliens, and say they are a threat to the local wildlife,” Carter said, quietly.

 

Kara nodded. She, too, was an outsider who’d been driven from her home. She felt a kinship with the Canadian geese, annoying and slightly evil though they were. A thought came to her as she sat there watching a duck wash itself.

 

“Cat?”

 

“Mmm?” Cat replied, book in hand.

 

“You said Hank Henshaw came to see you before I started at Tisch. I don’t get why, though. I didn’t meet him until I started on Wicked,” Kara said.

 

“You don’t remember?” Cat asked, looking up.

 

“No,” Kara said.

 

“He found you when your home was destroyed. You were wandering around in the wreckage. He pulled some strings with someone he knew in our government and brought you to the US. He’s a good friend of your foster parents,” Cat said, eyes narrowing a little in concern.

 

“Oh,” Kara said, feeling like she’d just been punched in the gut. “I… I didn’t realise.”

 

Cat touched her arm hesitantly.

 

“He didn’t think you remembered him. But he was concerned about you nonetheless, hence the visit to me before you began your time at Tisch, and him calling me this week.”

 

“I feel like such an ass,” Kara said, head in her hands. How could she not have recognised Hank as the stoic man who had saved her from the burned-out remains of her home? And how could she not see how many people cared about her? She’d been behaving as if Krypton was gone again, when it had only been Lena who left. Her family, her friends – they were all still there. It was about time she started honouring the love and care they had continued to show to her, even in the face of her overwhelming coldness.

 

Her agent swept into the penthouse like she owned it later that evening, when Carter was already in bed. She talked to Cat, initially, while looking Kara over.

 

“Is this her, then? The one I’ve staked my reputation on?”

 

Kara bristled. She might have been down and hurting, but she wasn’t invisible.

 

“I am sitting right here, Miss Marsdin,” Kara said, trying to keep the ice out of her voice.

 

“Hmm. I see,” Olivia Marsdin said, sitting in Cat’s customary chair and looking Kara up and down. “I almost missed you. Most of my actresses don’t disappear when they turn sideways.”

 

Kara reddened, looking down at her slightly wasted form. She couldn’t argue; she weighed much less than she should, given her height and musculature. She sighed.

 

“I’m sorry. I have been having some issues, Miss Marsdin. It’s nice to meet you in the flesh, even if I don’t have much of it right now.”

 

Olivia Marsdin barked out a surprised laugh.

 

“I knew Cat wouldn’t send me a dud. Good to know there’s some spirit left inside that husk. Get yourself healthy, Miss Danvers, and then we’ll talk.”

 

Kara nodded, and then Olivia Marsdin was gone, into Cat’s office. They emerged an hour or so later, and the agent nodded as she passed Kara, saying nothing. Nevertheless, Kara felt as if she’d passed some sort of test, and she relaxed.

 

She stayed with the Grants until Sunday morning, determining that it was high time she stopped being a passenger in her own life.

 

“Are you sure you’re ready, Kara?” Cat asked, watching as she packed up her few belongings into her work bag.

 

“Not really, but it’s past time I got back in the saddle, right?” Kara said, shrugging.

 

“You’re right. If you need me, you know I’m here, though, don’t you?” Cat asked, sounding a little anxious.

 

“Cat, I owe you so much. You’ve helped me get my head on straight. I can never thank you enough for that,” Kara said. “I’m sorry if I…”

 

Cat put a finger on her lips.

 

“Enough apologies, Miss Danvers,” she said, looking slightly pained. “Water under the bridge. You have a job to go back to, and the next time I see you, you had better be shoving a burger into that bottomless pit you call a mouth, do you hear me?”

 

Kara laughed, her heart feeling light for the first time in months.

 

“Thank you, Cat,” she said, hugging her mentor and friend. Cat’s breath caught in her throat, and Kara squeezed her quickly and let go. “Thank you for being my friend.”

 

Cat nodded, eyes suspiciously bright, and Kara moved on, giving Carter a hug.

 

“Thanks for being my Mario buddy this week,” she said, smiling. “I needed it, kiddo.”

 

“I helped?” Carter asked, eyes wide.

 

“You did,” Kara said, smiling at him. “You really did. You and your mom, you’re the dream team.”

 

Carter hugged her for the second time since her arrival, and Kara was sure she heard a sob, this time, from Cat. She carefully averted her eyes. Maybe in another lifetime, she could have been part of this family, but in this one Lena Luthor had already stolen her heart, whether she liked it or not. She couldn’t do that to Cat, commit to her half-assed. The woman didn’t deserve it.

 

She waved as she walked to get in her cab, and smiled as she saw Cat dab her eyes surreptitiously.

 

***

 

She started to make amends immediately. The following morning, she texted Alex and Maggie and asked them to brunch, her treat. It was almost like old times, except that Kara couldn’t eat the entire menu anymore. Alex laughed at her when she wheezed a little after her last piece of French toast.

 

“You lost your edge, kiddo?” Alex asked, punching her in the arm gently. She winced a little when she saw how thin Kara was.

 

“I’m going to have to do a lot of work to get back to my previous competitive eating form,” Kara said, smiling and patting her too-full belly.

 

“It’s good to see you enjoying your food again, Little D,” Maggie said, smiling.

 

“Thanks, Mags. It’s nice to be able to taste something for a change,” Kara said.

 

“Good for you. I’m glad things are turning around for you.”

 

Kara smiled at that, though she didn’t necessarily think it was true. They had brunch together and then walked for a while through Central Park, before Alex and Maggie had to go and do a video conference with Lena’s attorneys. Kara smiled wanly when they told her that, returning to her tiny apartment and losing herself in some mind-numbing documentary about plankton.

 

The following day she had a show, so she did an hour at the gym followed by a hearty but healthy lunch. When she stepped into her dressing room there was a note on the table from Hank asking her to come and see him.

 

She knocked on his office door a few minutes later, opening it when she heard his rumbling voice say ‘come in’.

 

“You wanted to see me?” she asked, stepping inside cautiously.

 

Hank was wearing reading glasses, and he put them on his desk before turning to look at her.

 

“Yes, Miss Danvers. I wanted to see how you are, following your time with Cat. She assures me that you’ve turned a corner,” Hank said, eyeing her doubtfully.

 

“I guess you could say that,” Kara said. “I’ve lost a lot of weight, even some muscle, so I have some work to do to bring that back. But I’m done wallowing, if that’s what you mean.”

 

Hank looked relieved.

 

“Glad to hear it, Miss Danvers. Now, are you ready to go back right away, or should I tell Miss Tessmacher to dress for the part of Glinda again?”

 

“I’m ready,” Kara said.

 

He looked at her in silence for a moment before nodding.

 

“Fine. Don’t let me down, Kara.”

 

“Mr Henshaw? I… I just wanted to say thank you. For what you did for me when I was a kid. I never knew it was you, not until this week. Or else I would have said something.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Hank said, finally. “I only did what anyone would have done.”

 

“No, you didn’t. A lot of people would have turned a blind eye and left me there for someone else to deal with. But you took me home with you and found me a family. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”

 

“No repayment is necessary,” Hank said. “Just live your life, Kara Zor-El Danvers. Get out on that stage and make me proud, and live for your people.”

 

Kara nodded, tears in her eyes, and left the office. She wiped away her tears and began the routine of cleansing, make-up, hair and costume, and a little while later she was back inhabiting Glinda. For the first time in months, her heart sang along with her voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments on this. I still can't reply, but I appreciate every single one. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a time jump. We get a snapshot of Kara's new life before Lena crashes back into it in her usual dramatic fashion

****

* * *

 

**_3 years later_ **

 

_Variety magazine, excerpt._

_Kara Danvers, star of the Power Girl franchise, has announced her engagement to her Wicked co-star, James Olsen. The darling of stage and screen is marrying the actor, who is almost equally famous for the spin off television series based on an alternate Earth where he plays a cyborg hero, in July next year._

“Jimmy, have you seen my earrings?” Kara said, trying to pin her hair up the way Alex always did so that it looked chic and neat. Currently it looked like a haystack.

 

“Which ones, babe?” he called from their shared bathroom, where he was doing up his bow tie. Kara smiled at him. He looked so handsome it was unreal.

 

“The ones with the green stones,” she replied, turning back to the mirror.

 

“I think I might have knocked one of them behind the dresser,” James replied.

 

She sighed, getting down and onto her hands and knees. She found the earring almost immediately, but she also found an old newspaper back there, its pages turning yellow with age. She pulled it out, blowing cobwebs from it, and saw that it was the first review of her run on Wicked.

 

_Luthor and Danvers might be the next big thing, if they can find a vehicle worthy of their joined talent. Their chemistry is palpable, and while Mike Matthews does a passable Fiyero, it wasn’t Fiyero that I wanted Elphaba to kiss by the end, it was Glinda. For this old fogey who’s never even noticed the subtext in this show before, that’s really saying something._

Kara’s heart thudded in her chest. She’d almost forgotten this review. She’d almost forgotten Lena. Except that she hadn’t, not at all. She just didn’t allow herself to think about the woman directly. It still hurt, a lot.

 

She put on her earrings and then her shoes.

 

“You ready, babe?” James asked, smiling widely as he looked her up and down. “You look good enough to eat.”

 

Kara blushed. She knew that her gown was pretty, and she knew how sexy James found her. He demonstrated it to her often. But some part of her felt a little wrong, letting him be with her like this. Because it wasn’t the same as…

 

She didn’t let herself finish the thought, smiling bashfully as she looked up at him.

 

“You do too, baby. That tux is… wow,” she said, standing back to take him in. He was amazing. Fit, beautiful, talented. Everything she could ever want, and she knew she was a fool for not appreciating what she had. She knew it would be fairer to him to let him go, but he seemed so happy with her, part of her felt like she was doing the right thing by just going along with it.

 

“Okay, baby. Let’s go see if we can start your attempt at an EGOT with an ‘O’,” James said, smiling.

 

Kara smiled back. In truth, she wasn’t attempting to get an EGOT. She was just trying to do a good job. She had, at her agent’s suggestion, sat down with some songwriters earlier that year and was preparing for an album release, and early indications from reviewers were positive. But Power Girl wasn’t going to win her an Oscar. If it did, she’d be disappointed in the Academy.

 

“Come on, Cyborg Superman,” Kara said fondly, linking her arm with James’. “Time to go and pretend we deserve to be there with all of those movie stars.”

 

Kara was stronger than ever, her core muscles incredibly overdeveloped because of the ‘flying’ she’d had to do in the Power Girl movies. The second one had just finished filming. The rig they used to make her look like she was defying gravity wasn’t actually painful until you were suspended for twenty minutes or so, then everything started to ache. It was the hardest physical work she’d ever done, but she loved it. The look on kids’ faces when they saw her in the costume (although she really, really hated that boob window) made her heart lift, and she felt better than she had in years.

 

They stepped out of the limo into a sea of camera flashes. James guided her carefully, his sunglasses allowing him not to be dazzled by the cameras. She smiled and posed and signed autographs and took selfies until their bodyguard urged them inside.

 

The Dolby theatre was grand and they were surrounded by actors and actresses of a calibre so amazing that they both felt like running back home.

 

“Do you feel like a total imposter?” Kara whispered, after Meryl Streep shook her hand, telling her she’d loved her in Wicked.

 

“Yeah,” James said, wide-eyed.

 

There was food and drink everywhere, which Kara took advantage of, soon feeling full and tipsy. The awards were long, and she found herself fidgeting after a while, but a smile from James settled her down. She practised her smiles – huge and disbelieving, if she won, and a little sad but respectful for a loss. She really didn’t expect to get a best actress nomination for something like Power Girl, but the Academy did love their white actresses with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was just thankful that she hadn’t had to blow anyone to get the gig, unlike so many actresses before her. Taking on Olivia Marsdin as her agent was proving to be one of the best decisions of her career – most of the male producers in Hollywood were terrified of crossing the elegant-yet-bad-tempered agent.

 

The nominations for best actress were announced, and Kara dutifully smiled into the camera, trying not to appear cold. It was still a battle, even now, to summon enough feeling to look like there was something behind that smile. She wondered if Lena was watching, and her smile wavered.

 

To her relief, she didn’t win. The second most worthy person won, simply because the woman who should have won was in a movie about a gay woman, a movie which dared to have a happy ending. Kara smiled, resigned, and James kissed her on the cheek.

 

“Maybe next year for the EGOT, baby,” he murmured in her ear, and she smiled up at him. She didn’t deserve him, she knew. Her smile grew more strained.

 

When they got to the after party thrown by the film studio, Kara was surprised by the round of applause as she entered. She was the studio’s biggest star at that particular moment in time, she knew, so she smiled graciously and accepted the applause. Sometimes she wondered if it was all worth it. It didn’t seem to mean anything, not matter how hard she worked. Success was just a thing that came along with the hard work, and no matter how hard she tried she didn’t find it fulfilling in the way that the stage had been. Especially when…

 

She turned her mind to something else briskly, and shook hands with the various producers and money-men who had bankrolled the Power Girl movie, and who were rolling in money as a result. James brought her some champagne, standing by her side dutifully like he always did. Again, she thought about how she didn’t deserve him. He should have been praised in his own right instead of being eclipsed by her star. He was better built for this, with his easy ways and his gorgeous smile. He looked down at her, eyes shining with love, and her stomach twisted a little with guilt.

 

She was tipsy when they got home, and as usual she ignored the television when James switched it on in their bedroom. He liked to check the state of the world before bed, whereas she really couldn’t care less. If the world was ending, she’d rather have a good night’s sleep first.

 

“Kara, isn’t that your ex?”

 

Kara turned to look at the television, eyes bleary. It was Lena, her face on the screen, followed by Lex’s and the faces of several other people that Kara didn’t know. Her heart sank, and she asked James to turn up the volume, her voice shaking.

 

“Lex Luthor, notorious environmental terrorist, launched another attack on the world’s largest oil company this evening, after being released from prison 3 years ago on a technicality. He attempted to kill the board of the same company he targeted during his first rampage, setting multiple explosives throughout their buildings, cars and on a company plane. His sister, actress Lena Luthor, remains in a critical condition following one of the explosions.”

 

Kara was trembling. She pulled out her phone, looking up the details on a news site. Lena had been suspicious of her brother’s activities, despite him undertaking years of therapy and his psychiatrist declaring him well. She had followed him to the first location, a car belonging to one of the board of directors.

 

“It is believed that Miss Luthor attempted to disarm the device because there were children trapped in the vicinity,” the news report said.

 

A detective on the scene was heard to say that Miss Luthor was ballsy but stupid.

 

Kara’s whole body was cold. Her phone began to ring, and when she saw that it was an unknown number, she rejected the call and turned off her phone. The press would be all over her now. She watched her phone shake in astonishment for a second before she realised that it was her hands that were shaking.

 

“Hey, baby. She’s still alive, you know. We can go see her, right now if you want, okay?”

 

Kara nodded automatically, not listening. Lex Luthor had hurt yet more people, and he might have killed Lena. That’s what they meant when they said ‘critical,’ right?”

 

James handed her some dark clothes, jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. She changed automatically, and by the time she was ready, Alex was at the door. Maggie was at home looking after their twins. Alex handed her a baseball cap and sunglasses.

 

“I called ahead, the hospital are expecting us. You’re still her emergency contact,” Alex said, pulling Kara to her in a hug.

 

“Why would she do that?” Kara wondered aloud.

 

“Who knows?” Alex said, shrugging. Something about her expression, however, told Kara that Alex knew more than she was saying. She chose to ignore it at that moment, but she made a mental note, foggy though her brain was right then, to find out what her sister was hiding.

 

The drive to the hospital felt like it took hours, but was actually less than 30 minutes. Kara allowed James to guide her to the right area, pushing his way through the cameramen who had plagued her last few weeks with Lena.

 

Soon enough, Kara was standing in front of a harried-looking doctor.

 

“Miss Danvers, is it? You’re Miss Luthor’s emergency contact?” the doctor asked, looking at a chart, his hair and beard unkempt.

 

“Yes,” Kara said. “Though I’m not sure why.”

 

“That’s something you’ll have to take up with the patient, ma’am. Are you willing to act in the capacity she has asked you to?” the doctor asked, peering at her over his glasses.

 

Kara thought about it for a moment. There wasn’t really anything else she could do. Lex was in hospital and might not live, and if he did he was going to be in prison for life. And the other option was Lillian, unless Lena had been seeing someone else since they broke up. The thought brought a lump to Kara’s throat, and she coughed.

 

“I… yes. Whatever you need.”

 

The doctor nodded gravely, before spouting off a huge amount of medical jargon that Kara barely understood. Lena had already had emergency surgery to save her life and repair more organs than Kara wanted to think about, but her spine was also damaged, and the doctor needed to know whether to go ahead with life-saving surgery that might leave Lena paralysed.

 

“Shit,” Kara said, pinching the bridge of her nose. How was she supposed to decide this?

 

“Hey, Kar. I didn’t know her well, but she seemed like a strong woman to me. Do you think she would be able to live a full life even if she was paralysed? Because I kind of think she would,” James said, quietly. Alex nodded behind him, eyes quietly certain. Kara turned back to the doctor, nodding. He gave her a pile of paperwork to sign, and she started when she saw her name as Lena’s designated medical proxy. It didn’t make any sense. Lena hadn’t reached out her, not once since she’d walked away. Why attach herself to Kara in this way?

 

Alex gave Kara another hug as the doctor took the paperwork and told them he’d give them an update as soon as possible.

 

“She’s a fighter. She’ll be fine, sis,” Alex said.

 

“Have you been in touch with her, Alex?” Kara asked quietly. James was down the hall getting coffee from a vending machine.

 

“Yeah,” Alex said, dropping her head. “I have.”

 

“Why are you just telling me this now?” Kara asked.

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you. She… she called me a while ago. Nearly a year ago, actually. To find out how you were. Lex was better and he was moving out, so she was getting ready to come back to Broadway. I told her about you and James and she begged me not to mention that she’d been in touch.”

 

“I didn’t know she went back to work,” Kara said quietly, eyes on her fingernails.

 

“She didn’t, or at least not to Broadway. She got a job up North somewhere, Seattle I think? Something way beneath her talents, but it got her back in the habit, I guess. She auditioned for something recently – I can’t remember what – and she got it. She went back home to sort some things out before she moved back to New York. I can’t… I didn’t realise she had any suspicions about Lex, because I would have told her to stay the hell away from him,” Alex said, regret etched in the lines of her face. “I think she wanted to get back in touch, to be friends at least, to apologise, but she decided it was better to leave you alone, I think, once she heard about you and James.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding. She shook her head a little, trying to clear it. She had just returned from the Oscars, from her promising, privileged new life. Her head was spinning from the rapid transition from new life to old.

 

“So, do we know why she still had you as her emergency contact?” James asked, sitting down, oblivious to the tension in the air.

 

“No,” Kara said. “I guess it’s just because she didn’t have much in the way of family, so it was me by default.”

 

“Surely her attorneys should be handling this, though?” James pointed out.

 

“Maybe. But if she left me on there, I’ll make the best decisions I can for her,” Kara said.

 

“Maybe you should call her attorneys, just in case you get yourself in legal difficulty,” James said.

 

“Hmm.” Kara thought about it. She was making a potentially life-changing decision for Lena, and her being Lena’s medical proxy could just be an administrative mistake. She fished a card out of her wallet, one left from when Lena had left her their apartment, and she dialled the number of the high-class attorneys that Lena had on retainer.

 

“Mr Douglas’ office, Anna speaking.  How can I help you?”

 

Kara jumped a little, expecting an answerphone and not a secretary at – she looked at her watch – 2.12 am.

 

“My name is Kara Danvers, I need to speak with whoever deals with Lena Luthor’s business?” she said hesitantly.

 

“Of course, Miss Danvers. One moment.”

 

Kara stared at the phone in bemusement. So Mr Douglas was actually available at 2am? Apparently for Lena Luthor’s money, everyone was available 24/7.

 

“Miss Danvers. How lovely to hear from you directly. I have some great news!”

 

Mr Douglas’ voice was booming, far too happy for the occasion. Kara blinked.

 

“Hello, Mr Douglas. Did you say good news?” she asked, incredulous.

 

“We have eyes on the ground in Siberia, and I can confirm that your aunt _has_ been released. She’s on her way to a local airfield, and once we can get her somewhere civilised, Miss Luthor’s plane will be there to pick her up. It’s on the way to Japan as we speak.”

 

Kara gasped, her heart thudding in her chest.

 

“My aunt. Astra?” she asked, breathless and wheezing.

 

“Yes,” Mr Douglas said, sounding concerned. “I thought you’d be pleased, Miss Danvers. We’ve been working on this deal for over three years now.”

 

Kara took a deep breath, sliding down the wall until she was sitting on the floor.

 

“I never knew anything about it,” she said, faintly. “I called to tell you about Lena, to ask if I am correct to be making her medical decisions for her.”

 

There was a long, startled pause on the line.

 

“What happened to Miss Luthor, Miss Danvers?” The man’s voice was crisp and business-like now.

 

“You can check the news for the details, but long story short, Lex is crazy and tried to finish what he started. Lena got caught in an explosion and she’s in surgery right now. She… I don’t know why, but she made me her medical proxy, and they asked me to make a decision. She could be paralysed or she could die, and I don’t know if I…” Kara trailed off, breathing too fast, her heart thumping.

 

“Miss Danvers. You’re my client, too. Miss Luthor has always been insistent on that. I drew up the papers that made you her medical proxy a long time ago. It was no mistake. I checked with her only a few months back and she wanted to leave it that way. Now, as to your aunt’s return – I will keep you in the loop as best I can. You can expect her on US soil within 48 hours or thereabouts. I will ensure that my assistant keeps me apprised of Miss Luthor’s condition. If you need anything from me in the meantime, you call me right away, okay? But for now, go and sit somewhere quiet and try to calm yourself. You’re no use to anyone if you end up in a hospital bed yourself.”

 

Kara found herself nodding, though the attorney couldn’t see her.

 

“Miss Danvers?”

 

“Yes, sorry. I’ll do that. Thank you, Mr Douglas. For my aunt, and for… for caring about Lena.”

 

He said something reassuring, but she was already tuning out, pushing herself up and returning to James and Alex.

 

“She… she arranged for my Aunt to be released from prison,” Kara said, sitting down, hard. “She’s on her way to the airport. Lena did that.”

 

“I know,” Alex said, eyes on Kara’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to be hurt if it didn’t work out.”

 

“She’s left the prison now, and the attorney says he has eyes on the ground, whatever that means,” Kara said dully.

 

“Jesus. I can’t believe she really pulled it off,” Alex breathed.

 

“What are you guys talking about?” James asked, trying to be patient but not quite managing it.

 

“I’ve told you about Krypton, and what happened there,” Kara said, taking off her glasses and polishing them.

 

He nodded.

 

“My aunt was there. We were away on a daytrip to the zoo, and when we came home it was all… I don’t know what happened, but the next thing I remember is Hank taking me away from where my mother’s house had stood. I haven’t seen or heard a thing about Astra since.”

 

“And Lena spent a fortune trying to find her for you?” James asked, looking puzzled.

 

“It looks that way,” Kara said, spreading her hands, trying to hold in her tears. Why would Lena do this? Why would she walk out on Kara but then do this impossibly generous and thoughtful thing?

 

“Why would she do that? You guys haven’t seen each other in years,” he said, eyes narrowing.

 

“I don’t know,” Kara said. “I haven’t seen her since the day she left.”

 

He nodded, but he looked unsettled, and Kara couldn’t help but feel the same. It didn’t make sense, and it made her stomach turn over when she thought about it.

 

The doctor sent an intern out a few times to update them, confirming that Lena was still okay and fighting. A few hours later, he himself came out to confirm that the surgery had gone well.

 

“There’s no way to tell if she’ll be able to walk, now or ever. Wherever she lives, it needs to be wheelchair accessible and she is going to need nurses around the clock, at least at the beginning,” he said, taking off his glasses and wiping his brow. “She’s a fighter, your lady, I can tell you that. A lot of people wouldn’t have made it through the first surgery. And she contracted these injuries trying to save the lives of schoolchildren. She – and you – have my respect,” he said, taking off his scrub cap and nodding at Kara, who was too gobsmacked to even respond. James glowered next to her, taking her hand in his, almost holding her ring finger up for the doctor to see. The man was oblivious, however, and he rattled off instructions as to Lena’s care. Kara nodded along, not knowing what the hell to think or to do.

 

“You can see her now, if you like. Just one of you,” the doctor said, at the end of his spiel. Alex nudged Kara.

 

“She obviously still thinks of you, Kara. Go check on her,” she murmured, too softly for James to hear.

 

Kara shrugged, following the doctor, letting go of James’ hand with a rueful smile.  She heard him grumbling to Alex in the background, and she shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t her fault that Lena had done any of these things. Making Kara her medical proxy and emergency contact, finding her aunt in some godforsaken Russian gulag, any of it. Kara had left Lena completely in her past, she told herself.

 

Her first sight of Lena in over 3 years made her gasp, but not for the reasons she’d been startled the first time she saw Lena. Back then, it was because of how beautiful she was. But now she looked as pale as a corpse, her eyes black underneath and her face scratched and bruised. There were various wires attached to her body, all the way up and down her torso, and she seemed to be in some sort of a cast to keep her back still.

 

“She’s got a 50/50 chance of walking again. It’s down to how well she recovers,” the doctor said bluntly, as Kara stared at her ex-girlfriend.

 

“I don’t know how to… I don’t know what to do.”

 

The doctor touched her shoulder sympathetically.

 

“She can afford the best nurses, according to the gossip rags. The rest of it is just down to attitude, or so my experience has taught me. Well, almost all of it. If nothing goes wrong after the surgery, it’s down to her, and those supporting her,” the doctor said.

 

“I should call her attorneys and arrange nurses,” Kara said.

 

“Yes, probably. Make sure wherever she lives, it’s wheelchair accessible and somewhere she feels comfortable. It can make all the difference,” he said, and then he was gone.

 

Kara sat down gingerly in the chair next to Lena. She looked tiny, her face whiter than the sheets she was wrapped up in.

 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Lee,” she whispered. “You were trying to help him, and that son-of-a-bitch nearly killed you. I’m still mad at you for leaving me, but you didn’t deserve this.”

 

She took Lena’s hand in hers, warming it between her own too-warm hands.

 

“I still love you, even after all these years. I’ve tried not to, but I can’t seem to help it. Please, just, be okay, will you?” Kara begged, kissing Lena’s fingers gently.

 

A few minutes later Alex knocked at the door. Kara looked up, Lena’s hand still in hers, fingers still touching her mouth.

 

“How is she?” Alex asked.

 

Kara shrugged.

 

“I don’t know, really. The doctor says she’s got a 50/50 chance of walking again. She needs somewhere she feels comfortable, he said. With wheelchair access.”

 

“Your old place was wheelchair accessible,” Alex said.

 

“It was,” Kara agreed.

 

“The attorneys still have the deeds, but they’re holding them for you,” Alex said.

 

“How do you know that?” Kara asked.

 

“The last time I spoke to her, she asked me to mention it to you. For you to consider it a wedding present.”

 

Kara winced.

 

“She really… she’s something else, isn’t she?” Kara said, laughing. Her voice cracked and the laugh turned into a sob. Alex moved to her side, pulling her into a hug.

 

“She cares about you a lot, Kara. I know what she did, but she still cares about you.”

 

“Then why did she go, Alex? I would have understood, if she wanted to spend time with him, to try to get him better. But she didn’t give me a chance,” Kara croaked.

 

“I know. But she figured him being around would make things too difficult and it would eventually break you up. She wanted to spare you the pain. I mean, you remember what the press were like. Calling you sick for being with the sister of the man responsible for the deaths of your whole family. I don’t agree with what she did, but she was trying to spare you, Kara.”

 

“How fucking stupid was that?” Kara asked, snarling.

 

“That’s exactly what I said,” Alex shrugged. “I’m so sorry, Kar.” She let go of Kara, stepping back.

 

Kara stared at Lena for another minute, and then stood, abruptly. She set Lena’s hand down carefully on the bed and then kissed her forehead gently.

 

“I’ll leave you with her. I should call her attorneys again,” Kara said.

 

“Okay,” Alex agreed, sitting in the chair Kara had just vacated.

 

Kara wandered down the corridor of the hospital, finding James sitting in the waiting room.

 

“You okay, baby?” he asked, standing and pulling her to him. He felt too big, suddenly, too much.

 

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “She’s doing okay. I have to go call her attorneys again, so they can arrange for home care and set her up with somewhere to live.”

 

“Isn’t there someone else who can do that?” James asked, face wrinkling up.

 

“No, but someone has to. Might as well be me. Her attorney would probably contact the doctors soon enough if I didn’t call them, but I’m here so I might as well, right?”

 

James shrugged doubtfully.

 

“If you say so.”

 

Kara nodded automatically, calling the attorneys again. This time her call went straight through to Mr Douglas. She explained how Lena was doing, and he thanked her for the update, confirming he would have the apartment opened up and cleaned, and arrange a team of nurses to assist Lena at all times of the day.

 

“I’ll have the keys to the apartment sent to you tomorrow afternoon,” he said, and Kara was startled.

 

“No, it’s not for me. It’s for Lena. I won’t be living there. I mean, I live with my fiancé,” she said.

  
“Of course. But you could still hand the keys over, couldn’t you?” he coaxed, gently.

 

“Yes, I suppose,” Kara said reluctantly.

 

“That’s excellent. You’ll be pleased to know, Miss Danvers, that your aunt is in a small aircraft that should be landing in Japan in the next few hours. Then she’ll be in Miss Luthor’s private aircraft and on her way to you.”

 

Kara nodded, shaking her head and then acknowledging the attorney out loud once again.

 

“I’ll call you if I have any updates,” he said, before hanging up.

 

Kara took a deep breath. She didn’t know what to do. The thought of leaving Lena in that bed, alone, didn’t appeal to her at all. But Lena wasn’t hers to worry about anymore, despite the medical proxy thing.

 

When she sat next to James, he put his arm around her.

 

“Sorry if I’m a little freaked out by this, Kara. I just… I didn’t know she was still so involved in your life.”

 

“She’s not,” Kara protested. “Or at least, I knew nothing about any of this. I can’t speak to her motivations, because I didn’t know she was doing any of this. Maybe she was trying to make up for what Lex did first time round, when she arranged for my aunt’s release.”

 

“And what about making you her emergency contact, and letting you make her medical decisions?” James asked pointedly.

 

Kara shrugged awkwardly.

 

“I don’t know,” she said, her voice small.

 

“It’s okay, baby. We’ll get through this and then things can go back to normal,” he said, and she nodded. She couldn’t agree with him verbally, though, because it felt like a lie.

 

Alex returned after a little while and a nurse told them they’d have to go, since visiting hours were long over.

 

“Come back in the morning. She might have woken up by then,” the tiny woman said.

 

Kara raised her eyebrows doubtfully, but nodded. Alex drove them home in silence, and Kara stripped off as soon as she was inside their apartment. To James’ surprise, she pulled at his shirt and his pants almost frantically before leading him to bed, pulling him inside her again and again, trying to forget. James passed out after the second time, and Kara caught herself feeling nostalgic for the old days when she could have six orgasms in one night. She pulled her mind away from that direction, though, finding a vibrator in her drawer and using it quietly, lying next to her sleeping fiancé, until she was exhausted enough to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena gets settled in her new place, and Kara has a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments on this piece. I just wanted to clarify that Lena started searching for Astra when she was dating Kara, right back at the beginning. Her doing so has nothing to do with trying to manipulate Kara in any way. We'll get more of her point of view in time. :)

* * *

The next morning Maggie was at the door bright and early.

 

“You coming, Little D?” she asked, leaning on the doorjamb as Kara pulled the door open blearily.

 

“Coming where?” Kara asked, still half asleep.

 

“To the hospital, doofus. Alex called this morning. Lena’s stirring. Alex came with you last night, so I’m coming today. Jimmy coming?” Maggie asked, looking past Kara to see into the apartment.

 

“Uh… he’s still asleep,” Kara confessed. “Sit down for a few minutes and let me shower, then I’ll be right with you.”

 

Kara went back into the bedroom, chuckling as she looked at James, fast asleep with his butt in the air. She took a picture on her phone, deciding to send it to him later. She showered and changed quickly, putting on a tight pair of jeans and brown leather boots with a thick wool sweater. It was her favourite because it had a cowl which she could hide/cuddle into when it was cold. She put a long suede jacket on top, looking at herself in the mirror critically before she realised that she was trying to make herself look good for Lena. What _was_ that? She huffed at herself, walking out of the bedroom and leaving James asleep. She put a note on the coffee table.

 

“You sure you should be going without him, Little D?” Maggie asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked.

 

“You know what I mean,” Maggie said, eyes steady on Kara’s. Kara’s eyes filled with tears. “Aw, shit, kid. I can’t handle it when you cry. I just wanted to make sure you’re not going to do something stupid because of a pretty face.”

 

Kara laughed through tears.

 

“Yeah, because it would be the first time I’ve ever done that,” she said. Maggie laughed. They left the apartment quietly, and Kara tried not to feel guilty about her sleeping fiancé, exhausted in their bed after acquiescing to her selfish demands for sex, and here she was sneaking out to see her ex.

 

The journey to the hospital was longer this time, there being much more traffic at this time of the day. They pulled into the car park and Kara was grateful to see that there were only a few photographers waiting outside.

 

Maggie pushed her way through the photographers effectively, and Kara kept her head down, saying nothing. Whatever there was, or had been, between her and Lena – it was nothing to do with those bottom-feeders.

 

Lena wasn’t awake, but her brain waves and heart rate had apparently indicated that she would be, soon. Kara was surprised when Lena’s nurse offered to have breakfast brought for her and Maggie both, but apparently that was par for the course when rich people were in hospital. She ate her hospital breakfast quietly, watching Lena twitch and blink with her eyelids shut. She was definitely waking up.

 

“She looks small,” Maggie said, picking at her vegan breakfast, which seemed to consist only of hash browns, mushrooms and beans. Kara was much happier with her eggs and bacon.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, chewing her bacon contemplatively. It was strange to see Lena at all, let alone like this, vulnerable and alone. She took her ex’s hand absently, stroking her bruised and bloodied knuckles. “What do you think made her think she could defuse a bomb? And how is she not dead?”

 

“I don’t know what made her think she could stop it, but when she couldn’t she ran and threw herself on top of the kids she was trying to save. That’s why most of the serious damage was on her back.”

 

“Why do you have to be so stupid?” Kara asked, glaring at Lena. “You’re a singer, not a fucking bomb squad technician. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“I did it for you,” Lena slurred, and Kara froze. “I knew you’d try to save them if you’d been there, and it was my fault. He got access to my money to buy his way into all of those places, to buy bomb components, to do all of it. He played me, and I threw everything away for him.”

 

Kara stared between Lena and Maggie, eyes wide.

 

“Hey, Luthor, you awake in there?” Maggie asked, her voice gentle.

 

“Why aren’t you calling me Elsa? I know you started it, Sawyer,” Lena said, words still slurred.

 

Maggie chuckled.

 

“Good to hear your voice, Luthor.” She turned to Kara. “I’m gonna go get a nurse, okay?”

 

Kara nodded dumbly.

 

“Kara, are you there?” Lena asked, eyes closed.

 

“I’m here,” Kara said, stroking Lena’s knuckles.

 

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you, baby.  I thought I could help him, and I knew it would hurt you so bad, but I had to. It was already hurting you so bad, and the press were so awful, and you were so broken. And he was playing me the whole time. I trusted him, Kara, and I threw away the best things in my life for nothing. Now the world will hate me again, because it’s my fault they died, Kara.”

 

She started sobbing, horrible, wrenching sobs that sounded like they were being ripped from deep inside her.

 

“Hey, Lena. Stay still, okay? You had some surgery on your back, and you need to keep still, sweetie. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could to help him. He’s the monster, not you. Never you,” Kara said, kissing Lena’s knuckles gently.

 

The nurse came in then, a disapproving look on her face as she saw her patient in distress. She checked with the doctor and then sedated Lena, whose sobs died away slowly.

 

“What did you say to her?” the nurse demanded.

 

“Nothing,” Kara said, startled. “I told her she was stupid for risking her life, and she woke up and started apologising for all sorts of things and then she started crying. I didn’t do anything!”

 

The nurse glared at her until Maggie returned to smooth things over, explaining their situation and that Lena still felt bad for leaving Kara. The nurse nodded at Kara, then, and swept out of the room after writing a few notes on Lena’s chart.

 

“She’s so upset,” Kara said, through her own tears.

 

“Wouldn’t you be? She gave up everything for him, Kara. She gave up _you_ , and I know you probably don’t believe it at this point, but I believe that she really loved you. She just felt like she had a duty to help Lex, and she knew it would hurt you, so she let you go. It was noble, but fucking stupid,” Maggie said, shrugging. “I admire the shit out of her, but I wish she’d let herself be happy for once in her fricking life.”

 

“Me too,” Kara said, wiping away tears. “Me too.”

 

James called a little later, pissed because Kara had left him with just a note. She apologised, telling him that someone had to be there when Lena woke up.

 

“Yeah, someone. But why did it have to be you?” he asked, clearly angry.

 

“I was her friend first,” Kara said, shrugging. “She doesn’t have anyone else.”

 

James left it at that, but he was not happy, and Kara’s stomach tightened when she thought of what she would have to deal with when she got home. Passive-aggressive comments, veiled accusations, well-meaning but patronising ‘advice’. She shook her head. Lena wasn’t her responsibility, not exactly, but she would stick around until she got Lena settled at home in their old apartment. However shitty it might feel to be back there. James would just have to deal with it. Because of Lena, Astra was coming to the US, and Kara had never expected to see her aunt again. She owed Lena, and she would see the debt through. That was all.

 

She ignored the small voice in her head that told her it was much more than that, and she knew it. She had a fiancé, now, and Lena was in her past, and soon she’d be back in her past again. No harm, no foul, right?

 

She heard that voice her head say “sure,” but she ignored it, Lena’s hand in hers, slowly warming up.

 

“Just until you’re safe at home,” she murmured, kissing Lena’s fingers again.

 

***

 

Over the next day or so, Kara spent the majority of her time in the hospital. Her time at home was punctuated with arguments and passive-aggressive commentary from James. Lena continued to stir, but only for short amounts of time.

 

“She’ll come round,” Alex and Maggie both assured her, but Kara just frowned. Even if and when Lena did wake, she was going to be paralysed, a direct result of Kara’s choice to keep her alive with the surgery. Rao only knew how Lena would respond to that. Never mind dealing with what her brother had done. There had been 9 deaths, this time. Some of the oil company’s board, several bystanders, and two assistants. Lena would never forgive herself, because it was her involvement that allowed Lex to hurt people again. Without her (stolen) money and her support, he never would have managed anything like the series of attacks he’d orchestrated.

 

“When she wakes, what the hell do I tell her?” Kara asked. Winn was there on that particular day, and he shrugged.

 

“It’s really not up to you, Kara,” he said. “You’re not her girlfriend anymore.”

 

“I know that, Winn. But she left me in this position, where I was responsible for her health and I had to make the decision about whether she died or was paralysed. So clearly I do have some responsibility here. I wouldn’t still be here if she hadn’t designated me her next of kin. Not only that, she freed my aunt from some gulag in Russia. I mean, what is that? I haven’t seen or heard from her in years, and yet somehow I’m still so incredibly involved in her life, when it comes to this life and death stuff.”

 

“I know, Kar,” Winn said. “But it’s not your responsibility. You don’t owe her a thing.”

 

“She owes me a few explanations though, don’t you think?”

 

Winn shrugged.

 

“Maybe, but you can still walk away. You have a fiancé who loves you, a career that is headed for the stratosphere, and a family who love you. You don’t need to deal with her stuff. She left you, Kar, and I for one haven’t forgotten how broken up you were back then.”

 

“Me neither,” Kara said, eyes on her feet. She didn’t move, however.

 

Lena woke a few hours earlier, this time for good. She was lucid and speaking clearly, and the doctors were all happy with her progress.

 

“If she doesn’t show any more signs of neurological issues, you can take her home tomorrow,” the bear-like doctor who’d performed Lena’s surgery confirmed. Kara nodded. It was stupid that she was talking about bringing Lena home – it wasn’t her home, not anymore – but she had promised herself she’d get Lena settled at least.

 

The doctors and nurses left, then, and Winn mumbled some excuse, kissing Lena on the forehead perfunctorily before leaving. Then Kara and Lena were alone.

 

“Why… why are you here?” Lena began, nervously.

 

“I came to check you were okay. I might have left after that, I suppose, but then it turned out that I was your designated next of kin and your medical proxy in case of incapacity on your part. And then I spoke to your attorney about the legality of making medical decisions for you – because I figured it had to be a mistake? And Mr Douglas kindly informed me that my Aunt Astra was on her way to the US. So I figured you owed me some answers. Not only that, but Mr Douglas has asked me to make sure you get set up in a wheelchair-friendly home with some nurses. I have the key to your old apartment here,” Kara confirmed, expressionless.

 

“Oh,” Lena said, flushing. “I’d almost forgotten about the medical proxy thing. I set it up years ago, because the only other option was my mother or my attorney. We’d broken up, of course, but I figured you would always take care of me.”

 

“You did?” Kara asked flatly. “That’s nice. To be certain of something like that, knowing that it’s not about to be pulled away from you without any notice or any way for you to change it.”

 

Lena winced.

 

“For what it’s worth, Kara, I’m more sorry for that than I am for almost anything else. Apart from the deaths Lex caused this time. He played me, and I let him. I lost you and it was all for nothing,” Lena said, and then she started weeping helplessly. Kara was afraid she’d hurt herself, damage her spine further, so she held Lena still gently, making sure not to jar anything.

 

“We’ll figure it out, Lena,” she sighed, after a while when Lena had stopped shaking. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

She left the hospital for the evening an hour or two later, heading home. She expected another lecture from James, but what she found instead was a sight that took her breath away. James was sitting at their dinner table with Alex and Maggie and their twins, and opposite him was…

 

“Aunt Astra?” Kara breathed, dropping her bag to the floor. Her legs were wobbling, and she almost collapsed. Her aunt stood and whirled around, however, running to catch Kara up in her strong, thin arms.

 

She breathed a stream of _Kryptahniuo_ into Kara’s ear, words of love and devotion and loss, and Kara wept into her aunt’s shoulder, answering back in broken words from a half-forgotten language.

 

Eventually Astra dragged them to the living room, sitting next to Kara on their ancient couch. She looked only a little older than Kara remembered her, despite over a decade having passed. Her body was trim and strong, and the white streak in her hair was even more prominent than it had been back then.

 

“My darling girl. I never thought I would see you again,” Astra said, reverently, her accent thick. It was something like Russian, and also nothing at all like it. “I am so sorry that I left you that day. I have lived it a hundred thousand times in my mind and each time I have stayed by your side instead of leaving you. I have never regretted a decision more. My heart was broken and my mind, too, by the loss of all that I had known. By the loss of the other part of my soul, my twin, my heart. I do not deserve your forgiveness, niece, I know. But if you will just…”

 

Kara put her finger up to Astra’s mouth.

 

“Whatever happened on that day, whatever wrong decision you might have made – I think you’ve paid for it over the last 13 years. Rao’s blessing on you, my aunt, heart of my heart. I want you to be a part of my life, and you are forgiven for anything I’ve ever blamed you for. To see you again – it’s something I had never imagined,” Kara finished, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

 

Astra murmured again in _Kryptahniuo_ , her accent strong and the words delicate. Kara saw Alex’s face light up, hearing someone else speak the words of a language Kara had taught her when they were kids.

 

“What is she saying?” Maggie asked, subtly.

 

“I love you, heart of my heart,” Alex breathed, smiling.

 

Kara cried most of the evening, on and off, Astra along with her. They drank vodka shots and ate small mouthfuls of food, cheese, meats and bread as was the Kryptonian way, and they mourned for their people. James, Maggie and Alex stayed with them, observing in silence, mostly, the twins asleep in the spare room in their travel cots. It was a long night, but a cathartic one, and to Kara’s relief James said nothing about her visiting Lena, not even later when they were alone in bed. He simply congratulated her on the return of her aunt, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her as she cried a little, letting out more of the tension she’d been carrying. They both slept soon after.

 

The next morning Kara was up at the crack of dawn as usual, praying to Rao as she did every day at sunrise. This morning, however, she was joined by her aunt, too. She felt a serenity in her own heart that she didn’t remember feeling since she was at home with her family, and she thanked Rao for that, too.

 

“He is always watching over us, Kara,” Astra said, after they had finished with their prayers.

 

“I know,” Kara said, sadly. “It was hard to see that when I was the last one, though.”

 

“I understand. I felt it too, in that hellhole. The loneliness – I think all of the inmates felt it, but I felt it more keenly, I think. I knew I wasn’t the last, though I knew nothing of your cousin’s survival until I left the gulag. But I _felt_ like the last. I knew you would have a new family somewhere. I hoped for the best for you, despite my mistakes. Your life here – it is far beyond what I would have expected. You are happy, Little One?”

 

“I am,” Kara said, but it was a little hesitant.

 

“What is it?” Astra asked.

 

“My… friend. The one who got you out of there. I… I’m conflicted. She… we were close, once, but she… she left me. And now I find that she has spent Rao knows how much money on finding you and getting you released. And she’s sick, now, paralysed. She needs help, and she doesn’t have anyone.”

 

“No family? No friends?” Astra asked.

 

“No. Her family – well, I’ll let you read up on them when you get used to being in the US. Suffice it to say they are not good people,” Kara said, sighing.

 

“This friend, she saved my life,” Astra said, with a note of questioning in her voice.

 

“She saved your from jail, but I don’t think she saved your life,” Kara pointed out.

 

“It is the same thing,” Astra said. “I will help her. She has helped me for you, and so I will help her. For me, and for you, so your mind can rest easy.”

 

“You don’t have to do that, Astra,” Kara protested.

 

“It is done,” Astra insisted. “Come. We will go, now.”

 

Kara shrugged.

 

“Sure. Why not?”

 

Arguing with her aunt had always been an exercise in futility, Kara knew, so she went along with it. If Lena was unhappy with it, she’d definitely let everyone know. Kara showered quickly in the ensuite bathroom while Astra used the main one, and they were ready to leave in a half hour or so.

 

“You going back to the hospital?” James asked, running his hand over his scalp, very obviously biting his tongue.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said. “Aunt Astra wants to talk to Lena, and maybe help her with her recovery.”

 

“Really? Wow,” James said, frowning.

 

“Yeah. She believes that she owes Lena her life,” Kara said, shrugging. “She might be right.”

 

“Mmm,” James said, non-committal. He appeared to be blushing a little, and Kara had the urge to say something, to rub it in his face that he was trying to get her to leave Lena in a hospital bed alone when Lena had rescued her aunt from a gulag in Siberia.

 

“Okay, so, I don’t know when I’ll be back. Lena should be getting home today.”

 

“I guess I’ll see you later, then,” James said, his eyes narrowing in annoyance.

 

Kara breathed in, counting to ten. She wouldn’t let him make her feel bad about doing the right thing.

 

“I’ll see you later,” she said, smiling at him and leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips. He kissed her back stiffly, and she held in a sigh. Astra appeared, then, after apparently spending some time cuddling Maggie and Alex’s twins. Her hair was a mess, obviously snatched by tiny hands, and Kara couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

 

Astra smiled back, a little foolishly, smoothing down her curls carefully.

 

“Come now, Little One. I wish to meet this young woman who cares for you so much that she saved my life,” she said. Kara saw James’ expression darken, but she ignored it. It was true, if a little uncomfortable. Lena had, at some point, cared enough about Kara to begin the process to find Astra, and she still cared enough to see the process through.

 

They left without further ado, and Kara enjoyed introducing Astra to the subway.

 

“This is more disgusting than the gulag. Why would these Americans allow this to get so dirty?” Astra complained, moving her feet with a look of distaste on her face. Her shoes, simple Chuck Taylors from Kara’s closet, stuck to the floor.

 

“This is the real New York experience,” Kara said, laughing.

 

“And people wish to do this on purpose?”

 

“No-one really wants to, but it’s one of the fastest ways to travel,” Kara said, shrugging.

 

Astra scrunched up her nose, looking away from the detritus on the floor of the train.

 

There were still photographers waiting outside the hospital, but Kara just ignored them and Astra fixed them all with a look so fierce that they blanched, shrinking away, and didn’t dare to lift a camera and point it in her direction.

 

Lena was looking better, sitting up in her bed. There was a man in the room, a nurse by the looks of it.

 

“Hello,” he said, turning to smile at Kara. “You must be Miss Danvers. Mr Douglas asked me to introduce myself to you. I’m going to be assisting Miss Luthor in her rehabilitation. Harold Rosenberg. Call me Harry.”

 

Kara nodded, shaking the man’s hand. He smiled and said goodbye, leaving Lena looking from Kara to Astra, confused.

 

“Lena Luthor, meet Astra In-Ze,” Kara said. “You might remember her name.”

 

“I do,” Lena said, holding out one elegant hand for Astra to shake. She did so, her eyes serious. “It’s nice to see you, Miss In-Ze. It took a lot longer than I hoped, but I’m so glad that you’re free.”

 

“I owe my freedom to you,” Astra said, with the air of someone pledging their fealty to a king. “I will be your family, in this situation, so you do not have to deal with this alone.  Because you did not leave _me_ alone when I needed help.”

 

Lena stared at her.

 

“You… you don’t owe me a thing, Miss In-Ze,” she said, frowning.

 

“I owe you my life,” Astra said, firmly. “You have brought me to my niece, the last of my family. I could never thank you enough, not in a thousand years. This is the least I can do, as you say.”

 

“You… I have nurses, Miss In-Ze,” Lena began, but Astra held up a finger.

 

“They are family, these nurses?” she asked.

 

“No,” Lena said, “but…”

 

“We are family, now, and I will help.”

 

There was no arguing with Astra, and when Lena caught Kara’s eye, a pleading expression on her face, Kara just shrugged, grinning. It was pointless, and Astra would help whether Kara or Lena or anyone wanted it or not.

 

Lena was discharged not long after lunch. The doctors gave them a small bag of medication and a sheaf of instructions, and then encouraged them to allow Lena to get as much fresh air as possible, as soon as she could.

 

“The mind has a huge part in healing the body,” he said, smiling at Astra’s nod. “The harder you work at all of this, the better you will heal.”

 

Lena nodded, her jaw set in determination.

 

Astra insisted on lifting Lena from her bed to her wheelchair, smoothing her hair and murmuring something soothing in _Kryptahniuo_ when Lena whimpered a little.

 

Kara winced in sympathy, wishing there was something she could do to help. But Lena had a long road ahead of her, and unless Kara suddenly developed healing powers, there was nothing she could do.

 

Lena’s driver – not Thomas, thankfully – took them to the apartment that Kara and Lena had shared, once. Stepping through the door, holding it open for Astra to push Lena’s chair through, Kara felt winded. The couch was still there, the one she’d bought when she got the role in Wicked. A stupid thing to be so sentimental about, she knew, but she and Lena had made love on that very couch so many times that it… it hurt, to look at it, remembering what they had, once. What Lena had taken away from her.

 

The apartment had been freshly painted, new vases and pictures and other decorations strewn around. It looked different enough that Kara let herself breathe again.

 

“It’s been a long time,” Lena murmured, as Astra lifted her from her chair onto the couch, fussing behind her with pillows to keep Lena comfortable and upright. She hustled into the kitchen to get a glass of water so that Lena could take some pills.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, gesturing uselessly around her. “I didn’t expect you to keep it.”

 

“I didn’t,” Lena said, wearily. “It’s still yours. The attorneys held the deeds for you.”

 

“I don’t want it,” Kara said, clenching her teeth. “That’s why I sent the deeds back to them.”

 

“I know,” Lena said, shrugging. “I just hoped you’d come to your senses one day and at least sell it.”

 

“Come to my…” Kara cut herself off, squeezing the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “What does that even mean?”

 

“This apartment is worth almost 2 million dollars, Kara, at last check. You could use that money, I’m guessing. Most people could.”

 

“I’m already a multi-millionaire,” Kara said, rolling her eyes. “I don’t need an apartment. I already have one, with my fiancé.”

 

Lena winced.

 

“So, I guess we’re doing this now?” she said, sighing.

 

“No,” Kara said, flatly. “We’re not doing anything. But please, once you’re done with your rehabilitation, please just sell it, or transfer the deeds back to you, or whatever. It’s not my home. It hasn’t been for a long time.”

 

With that, Kara walked through the apartment slowly, checking that a hospital bed had been placed in Lena’s room, that the gym had been set up with all the additional equipment that the nursing company had suggested, and checked the bathroom for the additions to the shower – grab rails, a seat, panic button in case of accident.

 

Everything was in order, so she returned to the living room where Astra was setting up the television with Lena’s passwords for Netflix and Amazon and other streaming sites.

 

“Where did you learn about this stuff?” Kara couldn’t help but ask, seeing how her aunt typed in passwords on a tiny Bluetooth keyboard as if she’d been handling that sort of technology her whole life.

 

“I did a degree in the gulag. It is not so backwards as it once was, even in Russia,” Astra shrugged.

 

“Actually, that was my doing,” Lena said, holding one hand up shyly. “I found out that there weren’t any real educational courses at the jail, so while I was waiting for my people to make a little headway with the Russians, I paid for a programme of educational courses, stuff to help the inmates once they were released. I mean, why not?”

 

“Why not indeed, Lena. You are a very interesting woman,” Astra said, eyes narrowed. “So I learned the computer technology, and now I have the degree, and I can build the computer from parts. Once you are well and walking again, I will have a chance for a new life with a job. All I knew before was the military.”

 

Kara remembered how much Astra’s decision to join the Georgian military had upset her mother. To be a warrior for life – that was unheard of in Krypton’s history, but Astra had always been different. She had almost been exiled from their tiny country, but Alura had stood up for her sister and she’d been allowed to stay, despite most people’s distaste for her occupation. She spent most of her time away from home, in any case, so exile might not have made much of a difference to her.

 

A little while later, Lena’s new nurse arrived. She was a tiny Irish woman called Róisín, her hair as black as midnight, and she had the demeanour of a person who wouldn’t be letting Lena get away with anything. There was another nurse, Darla, who would arrive in 12 hours, and the two women would be swapping over every 12 hours until Lena no longer needed them.

 

Darla bustled off into the apartment to do Rao only knew what, and Kara decided that it was her cue to leave.

 

“I should go,” she said, stepping from foot to foot and fidgeting a little. “Aunt Astra, are you staying for a  while?”

 

“Yes, Little One,” Astra said, before Lena could protest. “I will stay.”

 

Lena looked at Kara helplessly, eyes wide. Kara shrugged, trying not to grin.

 

“Kara, could we talk in private for a moment, before you go?” Lena said, anxiously.

 

“Of course,” Kara said, trying not to sigh. Astra nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

 

“I think there’s going to be a lot of borscht in your future,” Kara said, moving to the couch and sitting on the edge, a few feet away from Lena. She adjusted her glasses, looking at her hands fixedly.

 

“I owe you an apology,” Lena said.

 

“For what?” Kara asked, looking up. She felt like her face was frozen, like she had a shard of ice where her heart used to be.

 

“For leaving the way I did. For being such an idiot, for thinking I could help Lex. For giving him the opportunity to hurt yet more people,” Lena said, quickly.

 

“It’s water under the bridge,” Kara said expressionlessly. “The part about leaving me. The rest of it – you don’t need to apologise to me for it. I didn’t get hurt by what he did.” (The words ‘this time’ stayed unsaid). “I just wanted to make sure you were safe, that’s why I came to the hospital.”

 

“Well, you stayed, and I wanted to explain to you…” Lena trailed off, wringing her hands. Kara’s apparent disinterest had thrown her off, it seemed. “It was never about love. I always… I loved you so much, Kara. But I’m a Luthor, and I wanted to help him, if there was ever a chance for him to be the person he used to be. I knew how much it would hurt you that I was helping him, that he was out of prison, so I decided it was better if I let you go. So you didn’t have to go through it all. The press – they were crucifying you, Kara, along with me, and it wasn’t fair. You were so distraught. I… I’m so sorry.”

 

Kara stayed motionless. No-one had ever hurt her anywhere near as badly as Lena had. And she thought… she thought she was doing it for Kara’s own good?

 

“Your apologies are unnecessary. I’ve moved on and I’m fine,” she managed eventually, her face like stone.

 

“You don’t seem fine,” Lena said. “The Kara I knew never stopped smiling.”

 

“Strangely, Lena, your actions have consequences,” Kara said, her tone lifeless. “That means that I’m not the Kara you knew.”

 

Lena bit her lip. It was a habit of hers that had always driven Kara crazy. Not anymore, though. Now it just made her angry.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Lena said.

 

Kara nodded, her face blank.

 

“Feel better,” she said, faintly, picking up her bag and walking out of the apartment. When she reached the outer hallway and there were two doors between them, she turned, punching the wall hard, three times, in quick succession. It hurt, Rao it hurt, but it made everything else hurt less, somehow.

 

She made her way home by cab, washing her hands carefully in the empty apartment, and wrapping her hand carefully after applying ointment to each knuckle. At least she hadn’t broken her thumb, she told herself. The first time she’d thrown a punch in training for Power Girl, she had done exactly that. It was a mild break, but it hurt like hell.

 

Kara ordered in a pile of takeout food, the stuff that James disapproved of, and watched a couple of terrible romantic comedies, while eating much more than she should have. By the time James returned, Kara was fast asleep, surrounded by empty takeout cartons. He cleaned them up, shaking his head, and wrapped her in a blanket before going to bed, leaving her sleeping alone.

 

When Kara woke the next morning, she was alone, and she cried for the first ten minutes of her day. It used to be that when she fell asleep on the couch, James would carry her to bed and kiss her awake, making love to her sweetly and then falling asleep with her in his arms. And now he didn’t even want her sleeping with him. It said a lot, and Kara was heartbroken and furious and lost, all at once.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and James make up, and Lena and Astra have a talk

* * *

She went to Lena’s early, finding a bemused Lena playing chess with Astra. From what Kara could tell, Astra was winning, and Lena was not happy about it.

 

“She shows her hand too early,” Astra said, her accent thick.

 

Lena’s mouth dropped open and she looked entirely pissed.

 

“I do not. I am a chess grand master, Astra! How on earth did you manage to beat me?”

 

“I was a general,” Astra said dismissively.

 

“How old were you?” Lena asked, mouth open.

 

“39 when I received my promotion,” Astra said, proudly. “They dishonourably discharged me, but they could never take away my achievement. There is no one-else who achieved this.”

 

“Your aunt is an impressive woman,” Lena said, one eyebrow up.

 

“She is,” Kara said, fondly. Astra stood up and wrapped Kara in a hug. Kara sank into it, squeezing her aunt tightly. It still didn’t feel real, that she could be back. It felt like a lie, or a dream.

 

“I hope you don’t mind if I stay sitting,” Lena said, after Kara and Astra had been hugging for a moment. Astra laughed, and Kara glared. “Sorry. Was just trying out some black humour. It’s always been my thing.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Kara said, glaring. Lena seemed to shrink into herself, and Kara softened a little. If she was crippled, she might need the comfort of a little dark humour, too. “Fine. Don’t get up. Rude.”

 

Lena smiled at her, surprised. Kara shrugged. Why not be pleasant? There was so much between them, so why not pretend they are friends?

 

At that moment, the night nurse, Darla, came in with towels and a basin.

 

“Time for a quick wash, Miss Luthor,” she said. Unlike Róisín, she was tall and rangy with short hair and a strong Southern accent. Kara didn’t know enough about Southern accents to be able to tell them apart, so she could only guess where she was from. “Oh, and you must be Miss Danvers,” she said, putting down the basin and taking Kara’s hand in her own. “It’s very nice to meet you, ma’am.”

 

“And you,” Kara said, bemused. Who did these nurses think she was? Lena’s partner? Because she wasn’t, and that needed to be corrected.

 

The woman shoo’d her into the dining room with Astra so that she could wash Lena. Kara let herself think for a moment about how that must feel, to lose your dignity like that. Lena’s life would be very different now, and from what the doctors had said, there was no way to know if she’d ever be able to walk again.

 

“What is it, Little One?” Astra asked, taking Kara’s hand.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Kara said, shaking her head. “Just a long night.”

 

“You speak trash,” Astra said, dismissively. Kara stared at her. “Did I not say it right? You speak foolishness. You do not speak the truth. You know that you are not well, that there is a lot on your mind. Tell me.”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“James is mad at me because I keep coming back to help Lena. He’s threatened, I guess, that I’ll go back to her. And I’m so mad at her, Astra. She left me and she didn’t give me a choice, and she went to look after her psychotic brother instead. I was so in love with her, Astra, and she broke my heart.”

 

“She says she is sorry,” Astra said.

 

“So?” Kara shrugged. “It doesn’t matter how sorry she is. It doesn’t change the facts. She broke me and it took me a long time to be normal again.”

 

“But you are not happy,” Astra said.

 

“I am. I have James, I have Alex and Maggie and the kids, I have you. I have a great career and I got nominated for an Oscar, Astra. That’s a big deal.”

 

“I believe it is. Actors are heroes in this place.”

 

“Yes. It’s all bullshit, I know that. But I get to do what I love. I’m happy.”

 

“You are not. You have settled for this, and you have let a part of yourself freeze up so that you won’t be hurt again the way Lena hurt you.”

 

Kara looked away. It was too close to the truth.

 

“When I was in gulag, I was starving and freezing, and I was the new girl. They wanted me, the women there, and the most powerful - she made sure that I knew I was to be hers. I had to beat her nearly to death to persuade her otherwise. It was not that I was so disgusted by the idea of a woman as a lover, it was that I did not want to have things pushed upon me. I wanted to make my choices. It does not take much courage to break a few bones in your own defence. But it is perhaps more honest than what you have done to defend yourself. To retreat, to make yourself less so that you will not be vulnerable. It does not suit you, Little One. You are a shining light; you always were. Let yourself feel the hurt and when you have done that, you will be better able to know what it is that you want. Better for you to work out how to be happy again, because this Kara I see here, she is not happy,” Astra said, cupping Kara’s jaw delicately. “My sister, she would want this for you. True happiness, not this lie that you present.”

 

Kara stared at her aunt for a moment before nodding. It was pointless to lie to Astra – just as pointless as it was to argue with her.

 

Lena smiled faintly at Kara when Darla let them back in.

 

“You look like a haystack, darling,” she said, somehow managing to look elegant and beautiful despite her position.

 

Kara blushed.

 

“I had a long night,” she said, shrugging.

 

“Let me guess? You got a pile of that Chinese from that place with the potstickers, what was it called? Wongs? And you also ordered a pizza from Saporito’s.”

 

“You don’t know me,” Kara said, crossing her arms.

 

“What happened? Did Saporito’s close?” Lena asked shrewdly.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, huffing.

 

“So where do you get your pizza from, now?”

 

“Paolo’s on Fourth,” Kara said, reluctantly. Lena smiled.

 

“I knew it.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but smile back, and Lena’s fond smile made her feel warm inside. She shook her head after a too-long moment of eye contact, and Lena looked away, her smile fading.

 

Kara suddenly wondered what she was doing there. She’d done her part, hadn’t she? Lena was settled, Astra was looking after her, and Kara could get back to her normal life now. She could leave now and never look back.

 

“Are you staying for lunch?” Lena asked, turning back to Kara. She looked uncertain and Kara hated it.

 

“Of course,” Kara said, without thinking.

 

Lunch was Astra’s borscht and thick, grainy bread that she had made that morning, slathered with butter.

 

“You better get used to this taste,” Kara said, nudging Lena, who was eating from a lap tray, naturally managing to look elegant, never spilling a drop of the liquid. “I don’t think Astra knows how to make anything else.”

 

Astra glared at her from the armchair where she was dipping her bread into the soup.

 

“I can cook anything. You have not had food like mine before, Kara Zor-El.”

 

Lena stared at Astra and Kara.

 

“That’s your birth name,” she breathed. “It sounds so different in your accent.”

 

“Yes,” Kara said. Truth be told, her eyes had filled with tears upon hearing her real name pronounced correctly. Lena touched her arm, squeezing it, and Kara smiled at her gratefully. If nothing else, it appeared that Lena still knew her.

 

Kara didn’t leave until late that afternoon, but when she got home James was there, and he did not look happy.

 

“Hey,” she said lightly. “How was your day?”

 

“Fine,” he said, not looking at her. “I had a couple of meetings. Nothing too exciting.”

 

“Anything you want to do?” Kara asked, pulling her shoes off and setting them neatly on the shoe rack by the door.

 

“There’s a couple of roles that aren’t gang bangers or drug lords. But nothing that I think will advance my career,” he said, shrugging.

 

Kara winced.

 

“You’d think that after Moonlight and Hamilton and Hidden Figures people would have realised that diversity sells,” Kara said, sighing.

 

“Yeah, cos you would know all about diversity,” James shot back sarcastically.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean, honey? I’m a bisexual woman in a society where my sexuality is erased, even in my own community. It’s not the same as being a person of colour or being disabled, but it’s part of the same problem. I fully acknowledge my privilege. You know as well as I do that people want to see straight white people on television because it makes them feel comfortable. You and I have talked about this a hundred times before and never once have you stuck me on the other side of the argument, James. Is it maybe that you just want to start a fight?” Kara asked, looking him directly in the eye.

 

He huffed, dropping his gaze.

 

“Sorry. I know you’re not one of those white feminists. I know how you feel about all of this shit. I shouldn’t have said that,” James said, dropping his gaze.

 

“Okay,” Kara said, sighing. She went to sit next to him on the couch and took his hand. “Do you want to just get it off your chest?”

 

“No,” he said. “I know what Astra means to you, and Lena, she did that for you, she brought her back. I know I should be grateful on your behalf. But something feels… off.”

 

“In what way?” Kara asked, massaging his knuckles with her fingers. His hand was huge in hers, and she suddenly remembered, with longing, the way Lena’s hand felt in hers, and then she felt bad.

 

“Like… like she’s been waiting to get you back, and now by finding Astra she’s done this thing that no-one else can ever equal; she’s brought your family back to you.”

 

Kara was struck by his insight, but it also made her uncomfortable. She’d hoped she would just be able to brush this all off, to help Lena get back on her feet (either figuratively or literally) and that James would be none the wiser about her lingering feelings for her ex. It appeared that he saw a lot more than she had ever realised, and that made her uncomfortable.

 

“Honey, I’m with you. Lena left me a long time ago, and I have no desire to go back to someone who hurt me so badly. I’m happy with you, and I thought you were happy with me. We’re getting married, aren’t we?” Kara hugged his arm between both of hers, tugging on it a little. He looked down at her, smiling reluctantly.

 

“Yeah, we’re fine, baby. I know this isn’t you. Lena was the one who decided to bring you into all this. Did she say why you are still her next of kin?” he asked, forehead wrinkling up.

 

“She said that she did it not long after we broke up, because she had an accident of some sort and couldn’t bear to put her mom’s name or her attorney’s. She doesn’t have any one else. It doesn’t make much sense to me, I have to be honest, but I can understand why she didn’t trust her mother to make emergency decisions. And I probably know her better than anyone else. But why she would think I would help after everything – that, I don’t know.”

 

“But you did,” James pointed out calmly.

 

“I did. Even after everything, I couldn’t just leave her to have some attorney make a decision that would affect her whole future. I know her well enough to know that she would rather live, no matter what, as long as she still has a chance to do something useful. An attorney – especially one who’s due for a huge handout from her estate – might not have made that decision.”

 

“Why didn’t she choose Lex?” James asked. Kara laughed, snorting. He shrugged. “She trusted him enough to leave you and her job to help him rehabilitate. But not to make emergency decisions for her. What is that?”

 

“I don’t know, James. Give what we know now, though – she might have saved her life by deciding on me and not him. He might have arranged an accident for her and even if she survived, he’d be in charge of her recovery. She would have had no chance.”

 

James looked uneasy at that thought.

 

“You’re right. I’m glad it was you, even if it feels wrong.”

 

His body relaxed a little and he shifted, wrapping his arms around Kara.

 

“I love you. I couldn’t bear to lose you, Kar.”

 

“I love you too, honey,” she said, looking up into his brown eyes, hating herself for the sadness she could see in them. “I love you.”

 

They fell asleep on the couch later that evening, and when James woke up, he carried Kara to the bedroom and undressed her, waking her up and making love to her sweetly. Afterwards, when he was asleep, she wept quietly into her pillow. She couldn’t have said why.

 

***

 

Lena was paralysed. It was a fitting punishment, she couldn’t help but think. She’d been stupid enough to believe Lex, and now too many people had paid the price for her misplaced belief that her big brother was still in there somewhere.

 

She had had ample time to think since returning to her (their) old apartment. She had a role lined up, a re-imagining of Jesus Christ Superstar, and she was to be Mary Magdelene. It was one of her favourite roles, one she’d sung at Juilliard. She’d been looking forward to it. Lex had given the impression that he was well, attending daily therapy appointments and anger management groups and doing voluntary work, picking up trash and reading to the elderly and generally acting like a contrite, rehabilitated offender. He was rarely out of Lena’s sight or the sight of his driver, Max, but as had become blatantly obvious after what had happened, Max was on Lex’s payroll. Technically, it was her payroll, but she hadn’t even noticed that Lex had been siphoning funds from some of her more obscurely-located bank accounts.

  
She couldn’t play Mary Magdalene now, clearly, and weirdly she’d been replaced by Siobhan Smythe. The woman always seemed to be one step behind Lena, so she was probably over the moon now that she knew Lena wasn’t going to be a rival anymore.

 

“Maybe I could play Wheelie Magdalene?” she asked herself out loud, laughing to herself. She didn’t deserve to be alive, but since she was, she might as well live her life in a wheelchair, in constant pain, permanently catheterised. Astra In-Ze and her nurses were experts in making her feel like a real, valued human being, but she knew that she was lower than dirt. That’s why she never mentioned when the pain became too much. Astra seemed to know, most of the time, but occasionally she wouldn’t notice and Lena was able to feel the righteous burn of the pain from the parts of her spine that were still intact. It made her grit her teeth in a strange sort of pleasure, because she _deserved_ it. People were dead because of her, and those children, the ones she’d managed to save – they’d be traumatised for life. Just because they’d been unfortunate enough to be the children of oil billionaires. Like a person could help where and to whom they were born.

 

“Imbecile,” she said to herself, shaking her head. How could she have let him fool her? She’d lived with the Luthors since she was four, and she knew very well how they operated. How had she let him fool her with those puppy dog eyes and lies about them being a family again? How?

 

“It is not your fault, young one,” Astra said, sitting next to her and placing a bowl of chicken soup in front of her along with a dark bread. Maybe it was rye? Lena picked a piece up, smelling it. It smelt a little sweet, a little earthy. When did Astra even do this? There was always fresh bread in the apartment, different kinds each day.

 

“It is,” Lena said, shrugging. “I fucked up and people died.”

 

“So did I,” Astra said.

 

Lena lifted an eyebrow.

 

“You were in the military. That tends to be an occupational hazard. You can’t win every skirmish,” Lena said, dismissively.

 

“I do not speak of the army,” Astra said contemplatively. “I mean what happened to my people. I took leave but I heard word of an attack before I left. Though I warned our Council, I did not do enough. They did not take any notice of me, and I did not try to persuade them. I took Kara away for a day, to the zoo I think, and when we arrived back to our home, it was a graveyard. Nothing but burning and bones. My sister, my beautiful Alura. She was the best of us and she was just… gone. I found her necklace, I took it from the charred corpse that was once my sister,” she said, pulling it out from beneath her shirt. “She died because of me. My husband, my parents, my friends. Everyone who I had ever known was buried in that mass grave, and each death was my responsibility, Lena Luthor. I knew the way the world worked; I was not naïve like they were. I deserved what happened, and yet it happened to them and not to me. I did not believe in Rao for a long time after that.”

 

“What changed your mind?” Lena asked, since she had observed Astra undertaking a number of strange, calming rituals since she moved herself in.

 

“My niece. Somehow an American newspaper crossed my path. It showed a picture of her. And of you, now that I know who you are. It was a review of your show with the witches. I did not know my Kara’s surname, but I knew she was my niece. To know that she had lived, that was… it made the world seem a better place, and I prayed for the first time to thank Rao, and since then it has made my heart lighter to pray. I feel closer to them, to my own people, somehow.”

 

“I can imagine,” Lena murmured.

 

“My point is that you are not responsible for the actions of others, Lena Luthor. Your action was to trust a person you loved, and when you realised the harm he aimed to do, you tried to stop it and you were paralysed as a result. There are not many who would try to defuse a bomb without any training. I believe some might believe you foolhardy, but I believe you to be brave. You had enough knowledge to do it, perhaps, with enough time?” Astra asked, tilting her head a little.

 

“I believed I might be able to stop it. I studied science and I did a lot of engineering when I was younger. When I realised I didn’t have enough time, I just ran, and tried to cover those children’s bodies with mine.”

 

“And you saved them. Only one child was badly injured, and even so he only lost a foot. You almost died, and you are here, unable to walk. You do not deserve this, no matter how much you berate yourself for it. You are a good and just person. Kara would not love you otherwise.”

 

Lena scoffed at that.

 

“She can barely look at me. She hates me,” Lena said, holding back tears with difficulty.

 

“I may not know her so well as an adult, but my niece loves with all her heart. She does not hate you. You hurt her and she still feels it. She loves you, though.”

 

“I hope you’re wrong,” Lena said. “She deserves better than me.”

 

“Hmm.” Astra pursed her lips doubtfully, side-eyeing Lena. “Eat your soup. You are too thin.”

 

Lena rolled her eyes and spooned out some of the delicious soup. It was a strange set up she had here, but she was already fond of Astra, despite the woman’s quirks.

 

Kara hadn’t looked her in the eye for more than a few seconds since they met again. Lena knew she had said something while she was half-conscious in hospital, but Kara hadn’t said a word about it. She wondered if Alex or Maggie knew what Kara had said. When she finished her soup and bread, under Astra’s watchful eye, she texted Alex to see if she would consider coming to visit.

 

_Consider? Are you crazy, Luthor? I just figured you wanted some alone time to brood. I know how much you love that._

Lena laughed to herself. Alex would never change.

 

_I do like a good brood. But I’ve missed our video chats. And I miss the twins. You don’t have to bring them, of course._

_In that case, Maggie and I will be by after work. With the kids._

Lena smiled.

 

_I can’t wait._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations and arguments and babies. Oh my.

* * *

Kara popped by on her daily visit not long after Lena’s text conversation with Alex.

 

“How is she?” she asked, speaking to Astra and to Darla.

 

“She’s fine,” Astra said, frowning. “And she is sitting in the chair, and can speak for herself, too.”

 

“Hmm.” Kara looked at Lena briefly and wandered off.

 

“Yeah, she’s madly in love with me, Astra. I see that now,” she muttered, sarcastically. Kara, who was just inside the door of the kitchen, froze. Who was in love?

 

Darla laughed, and Astra joined in.

 

“Love has many faces, Lena Luthor. Some can look like hate,” Astra said, shrugging.

 

Just then, there was a knock at the door. It was Lena’s therapist, and he and Astra bundled Lena into her wheelchair and into the gym room for Lena to undertake her rehab for the day. Kara sat gingerly on the edge of ‘the’ couch, wishing she’d thrown it out before leaving the apartment years before.

 

“This is going to be loud,” Astra warned, when she returned from pushing Lena’s chair.

 

“What is?” Kara asked, puzzled. Then she heard it. Lena was yelling, presumably at Harry the rehab man, and her language was foul. Kara winced. “Her language hasn’t improved after all these years.”

 

“She knows more swear words than I,” Astra said, looking impressed.

 

Kara laughed, surprising herself. It was funny how things could make you laugh even when you didn’t expect humour.

 

“She’s something else,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“She is a very interesting woman. Smart and strong and capable. You say she left you?” Astra said, one eyebrow up.

 

“I did say that. She left me so that she could go look after her crazy brother. You know the one who sold the weapons to the regime that killed everyone we cared about?”

 

“I know this, Little One. What is it that you feel she could have done differently? What if I were the Lex Luthor in your tale? Would you try to rescue me from myself, or would you leave me to the devils in my head?” Astra asked.

 

Kara sighed.

 

“I would help you, of course. That’s what family does.”

 

“And if I had hurt others, and Lena was among them? What would you do then?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kara said, stubbornly.

 

“Did you love her?” Astra asked, bluntly. She lifted up a pile of wool and began to knit, humming contentedly.

 

“I loved her more than I’d ever loved anyone before. And she just walked out and left me without looking back. She broke me just as much as losing Krypton did.”

 

“I know that, my darling. But she did not do it for selfishness, or for fun. She did it for duty, and she hurt herself very deeply in the process.”

 

“And how would you know that, Aunt Astra?” Kara asked angrily.

 

“I see it. So would you, if you spent more than a moment with her. If you stopped glaring at her. If you looked her in the eye now and again. You would see the pain in her eyes and you would understand that what she did hurt her at least as much as it hurt you.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Kara said bluntly.

 

“Perhaps not,” Astra said, wrapping wool around her hands. “But if you can see that you would do the same in her position, you can forgive the pain she caused.”

 

“I might, one day,” Kara said. “But it doesn’t matter, Aunt Astra. Lena is my past. I’m marrying James.”

 

“And is James truly what you want, Little One? Because I see little between you and your husband-to-be. You and Lena, however – you spark so brightly that I can barely look at you when you are in the same room. It is a different kind of love entirely, and that kind of love is not something you should waste,” Astra said.

 

Kara stared at her.

 

“I love James. He has stood by me through everything. She left me in pieces and he helped put me back together. I love him, and I’m marrying him.”

 

“It is your choice, Little One. But I ask you to ask yourself honestly if that is what your heart truly wants.”

 

There was silence then, for a long time, as Kara’s thoughts races and Astra continued to knit, classical music playing in the background.

 

There was a knock at the door a little later, and Alex and Maggie bustled in with their twins in tow. Kara picked up her niece, Rosa, who was named for Maggie’s aunt, while Astra grabbed their son Jeremy, named for Jeremiah Danvers. They played with the babies, tickling their tummies and blowing raspberries on their bellies, both delighted. It was hard to tell whether the babies or the Kryptonians were happier.

 

“Hi Maggie, hi Alex, it’s nice to see you,” Maggie said, sarcastically, hands on hips. Kara looked up, grinning, and gave her the finger affectionately.

 

“It’s nice to see you, Alex and Margaret,” Astra said solemnly.

 

“Lovely to see you too, Miss In-Ze,” Maggie said politely.

 

“Call me Astra, please,” Astra said, tickling Jeremy’s foot and laughing in delight at the giggles the little boy let out.

 

Kara lifted little Rosa, dancing around the room with her as she sang a Kryptonian lullaby. Astra joined in, singing sweetly in harmony. There was a strange feeling in the room, suddenly, and Kara turned to see Lena being wheeled into the room by Harry. There was a odd look on her face, like she was seeing something that she desired more than anything.

 

“Hey,” Kara said, raising one hand slightly in an awkward wave.

 

“Hi,” Lena breathed, looking from Kara to Rosa and back again. She seemed to regain her composure, then. “And who is this beautiful young one?” she asked.

 

“This is Rosa,” Maggie said, winking at Kara. “Let’s get you sitting and then you guys can get to know each other.”

 

Lena nodded and Astra stood. After a few moments Lena was securely sitting on the couch. Maggie placed Rosa carefully in her arms, and Lena stared down at the baby in awe.

 

Kara suddenly thought she understood why Lena had looked so awestruck when Kara was holding Rosa, because she was feeling something very strange, too. A desire, a need to fill an emptiness in her own heart. Seeing Lena with the baby made her ache for that emptiness to be filled with children and love and a wife.

 

Rao, no. Not a wife. A husband, the man who loved her and who had stood by her through everything.

 

Lena looked up at her and the world suddenly stopped, because her eyes were a window to something else, to something that Kara needed so badly, and she stood, staring, because she didn’t know what else to do. The way that Lena looked at her – it was as if she needed that same thing, too. Kara almost took a step forward when Alex cleared her throat.

 

“So, Elsa. How’s the rehab going?”

 

“It’s fucking terrible,” Lena said flatly. Everyone laughed, even Harry.

 

“On that note, Miss Luthor, I will see you tomorrow for another torture session. Make sure she takes her pills, Darla, Astra. She will need pain relief after that.”

 

Astra nodded, determined, and she passed Jeremy over to Alex wordlessly before going to find Lena’s pills and water. Lena grumbled a little but she dutifully took the pills and swallowed the water.

 

“So, the rehab’s going well then? How does it feel, being back here?” Alex asked.

 

“It’s a little surreal, I admit,” Lena said, looking around at the apartment. “I never expected to come back here. But it was the best option in the circumstances.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “Your attorney said that, too. Isn’t that right, Kara?”

 

Kara looked up, startled. She’d been lost in that moment where Lena was looking at her, and she didn’t know what everyone had been saying.

 

“Sorry, what?”

 

“The attorney – Mr Douglas? He suggested the apartment, right?”

 

“Um… yeah, I think he did,” Kara said, rubbing the back of her neck. Everyone was watching her, and she felt exposed.

 

“He said it would be good for you to be somewhere you felt safe and comfortable,” Alex said, pushing on with whatever point she was trying to make. Kara stared at her feet. She had felt safe here, once. Before Lena pulled the rug out from underneath her.

 

“Alex, I think maybe we should make some tea,” Maggie said, somehow sensing Kara’s mood. She pulled her wife out of the room. A moment later Astra and Darla were gone, too, on the pretext of talking about Lena’s treatment.

 

“Do you ever feel like everyone around you is trying to tell you something?” Lena asked, sardonically.

 

“Uh-huh,” Kara said, looking around her at the empty room. “Either that, or someone farted.”

 

“My bad,” Lena said, holding up a hand.

 

“Actually, it is kind of stinky in here,” Kara said. “Maybe one of the babies?”

 

She looked at little Rosa, still in Lena’s arms, and smiled. They looked like one of those paintings of the Madonna and her baby. Lena was effortlessly beautiful, even like this, with a fine covering of sweat on her face from pain and her hair askew from a grabby baby. Kara couldn’t look away.

 

“Are you okay?” Lena asked, quietly. She didn’t look up, giving Kara the opportunity to ignore the question if she wanted.

 

“No,” Kara said. “Are you?”

 

“No,” Lena admitted.

 

“Kind of a stupid question, I guess,” Kara said, gesturing at Lena helplessly.

 

“Well, it wasn’t how I was hoping to spend this month,” Lena agreed.

 

“What were your plans, then?” Kara asked.

 

“Jesus Christ Superstar,” Lena said, touching little Rosa’s curly black hair reverently.

 

“Oh. Shit. I’m so sorry, Lee. I know you wanted to play Mary Magdalene again someday,” Kara said, sympathetically.

 

“It’s fine. It’s not like I deserve a job like that, after everything that Lex did. Do you know, I can’t even sing, now? I tried, when Róisín was busy in another room, a few days back. I don’t have the strength. I had to sleep for a few hours afterwards. My diaphragm muscles are pretty much fucked.” Lena trailed off, putting her fingers over Rosa’s ears. “Please don’t tell your moms I said the F word in front of you, sweetie.”

 

“She won’t. She’s a cool niece,” Kara said, leaning over to touch Rosa’s hand gently. The little girl grasped her finger, pulling her off balance slightly, and Kara was forced to scoot over a little or to let go. She chose to scoot, leaning down to kiss Rosa’s head gently. She realised a little too late how close she was to Lena, then, and she froze. Lena’s eyes were only a few inches from hers, and she looked as startled and as lost as Kara felt.

 

The silence lasted much longer than was comfortable, and Kara was wide-eyed and trembling at the proximity to Lena. Her brain was telling her to move away, but her heart was telling her to move closer.

 

“Kara, I…” Lena breathed, closing her eyes, and a puff of breath touched Kara’s lips. It was enough to startle her into backing away a little, though most of her just wanted to lunge forward and kiss Lena.

 

“Sorry, what were you saying?” Kara asked, letting go of her niece’s hand and backing up to the other end of the couch.

 

“I just… I wanted to say thank you, for acting as my medical proxy. I knew that you would make the right decision because you know me.”

 

“I didn’t know how to ask you about that,” Kara admitted. “I knew that when we knew each other, living paralysed would have been your choice rather than giving up. But then I wasn’t sure if you’d changed more than I knew. I’m… I’m really glad I made the right decision for you.”

 

“Thank you, Kara. You could have easily passed the responsibility on to my attorney. Most people would have.”

 

“I’m not most people,” Kara murmured.

 

“You’re right there,” Lena agreed, smiling. It was one of the smiles that had always cut straight to Kara’s heart, making it thump. Kara closed her eyes, overwhelmed.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lena asked, voice soft.

 

“I’ll be fine. Things are just a little… overwhelming, right now. I’m really sorry about your singing voice. I hope it’s just temporary.”

 

Lena looked away, swallowing. “How’s James?” she asked, unexpectedly.

 

“He’s fine,” Kara said shortly.

 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” Lena said, seemingly sincerely.

 

“Thanks,” Kara said, stiffly. “I should go. He’ll be wondering where I am.”

 

“Don’t you want to spend a little more time with these two cuties?” Maggie asked, as she walked back in with a pot of tea.

 

“Another day. I’ve been neglecting James,” Kara said, standing up and moving to the door. “You guys have fun.”

 

She threw a smile at Maggie and Lena and fled without saying goodbye to Alex or to anyone else. She started running as soon as she left the apartment building, and didn’t stop until she reached her own building 40 minutes later. She was red-faced and her heart was pounding, and she still felt like she should keep running.

 

James wasn’t home, and Kara sighed as she took in the unkempt apartment. She threw herself into cleaning it, before taking a long shower and going to bed. She dreamt of Lena, of sex with Lena, specifically, and she woke in the middle of the night, tears streaming down her face. James slept next to her, oblivious, as Kara cried her heart out into her pillow.

 

_“I’ve never felt like this before, Kara,” Lena said, as Kara moved inside her, slowly, enjoying the delicious tension she could feel in Lena’s body._

_“I love you,” Kara managed, because then Lena was coming, and Kara was, too, and her world shrank down to a pinprick, to green eyes focused on hers, to a soul focused entirely on hers, because that’s how it felt in that moment. Sometimes the sex was fun, sometimes it was sweet, and sometimes it was just hot. But this time was transcendent, and Kara held Lena close while she wept, overwhelmed at how it all felt. Overwhelmed with love._

***

 

James argued with Kara again that morning. She was dressed and ready to leave, and he had a few things to say about it.

 

“I barely see you, Kara. We’re both on breaks from work right now but you never know how long that’s going to last. Your last shoot was nearly a year. What happens if you get another movie?”

 

Kara shifted uncomfortably.

 

“My aunt is there, James. I haven’t seen her since I was 13 years old. I don’t know when she’s intending to move out of Lena’s place, so… I can’t just not see her.”

 

“So now it’s Astra you’re going to see?” he asked angrily.

 

“It’s both of them, James. What would you do if you found out that Lucy was paralysed and alone?” she asked, throwing her arms up in disgust.

 

“I’d help, to a degree. But not this degree, Kara. This is just… it’s too much. She has nurses and Alex and Maggie and Astra. She doesn’t need you, too. What happened to how much she hurt you, and the way you didn’t want to get involved in her life again?”

 

“I don’t!” Kara yelled. “I don’t want to get involved. But I _am_ , Jimmy, and that’s just the way it is. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it doesn’t mean I’m getting back with her, it doesn’t mean anything except that someone I still care about is hurting and I want to help. Not only that, but I fucking _owe_ her, because she gave me the last member of my family who remembers anything about my culture and my people. I love you, but if you keep on about this, I…” she trailed off, gritting her teeth.

 

James looked shocked. There was silence for what felt like an age.

 

“I know what Astra means to you, Kara. And I know that if someone around you is hurting, that you’ll always help. But I also remember when she left. I remember how cold you were, and how broken you were. I know you think she’s a good person, and maybe part of her is, but I also saw what her brother did. Sometimes blood is just… bad. Sometimes people are just bad. So just… watch yourself, okay? Because I don’t want to see you hurt again. And I won’t say another word, if that’s how you feel.”

 

Kara sighed in relief.

 

“Thank you. I love you, James.”

 

“I love you too, Kara.”

 

Kara made her way across town on the subway, laughing a little to herself as she remembered Astra’s disgust at how dirty the trains were. They really were filthy, but such was life in this city. She picked up some coffee and danishes from a nearby deli, knowing that Astra, very much like herself, was always hungry.

 

She knocked on the door and Róisín answered, standing aside for her to enter.

 

Lena looked up, smiling luminously as Kara stepped inside, holding up coffee and snacks like a shield.

 

“Hi,” Lena said, quietly.

 

“Hey,” Kara said, setting down a coffee in front of her. “It’s one of those fancy ones you like.”

 

Lena smiled up at her, one of those genuine smiles that she rarely showed to anyone. Kara swallowed, smiling back.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“A little better,” Lena said. This time, her smile wasn’t genuine.

 

“You’re lying,” Kara said flatly.

 

“Yeah,” Lena admitted.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I’m in a lot of pain.”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“Astra?”

 

Her aunt appeared as if from nowhere. Her hair was a rat’s nest, and Kara took a moment to enjoy the sight, smiling.

 

“What have you been doing?” she asked, fondly.

 

“I was cleaning the tub. It’s like no-one has been here for years,” Astra grumbled.

 

“No-one _has_ been here for years,” Kara reminded her.

  
“That explains it,” Astra said, shrugging.

 

“Okay,” Kara said. “Lena’s in pain, and she’s lying about it to me. Has she taken any pain pills today?”

 

“No, she has not. You are in pain, strong one?”

 

Lena looked up at Astra, startled.

 

“I am,” she admitted, biting her lip.

 

Kara’s heart thumped. She ignored it.

 

Astra glared at her for a moment.

 

“Do I need to have my niece here every time I ask you if you are in pain? Since I cannot tell when you lie?” she demanded.

 

“No,” Lena said, clearly lying.

 

“She’s lying,” Kara said.

 

“I see,” Astra said, folding her arms. It was easy, in that moment, to see the woman who had become a General at 39.

 

Lena shifted uncomfortably, taking a drink from her coffee. Then she shrank into herself a little under the weight of Astra’s stare.

 

“Fine. I’ll tell you in future,” she said, crossing her own arms and looking away.

 

“Is she telling the truth now?” Astra asked.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, after looking at Lena’s face for a second.

 

“Now, you are having pain pills, and if you lie to me again, I’ll make borscht twice a day,” Astra said.

 

Lena turned, appalled.

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“Try me.” Astra moved closer to Lena, eyes boring into her.

 

“Fine,” Lena said, sighing. Kara nodded when Astra looked at her quizzically. Astra swept off to grab pills and water for Lena, and Kara couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

“I wouldn’t lie to her again, if I were you. She could eat borscht for every meal happily. She’s been in a gulag for almost 17 years,” Kara pointed out.

 

“Clearly, this is an evil plot. She must have met some of Lex’s other victims in there, and now they’re trying to kill me with an overdose of beets,” Lena said sourly.

 

Kara laughed, much to her own surprise, and Lena laughed with her. It was a light, tinkling laugh, and it was something that Kara had been yearning to hear, without knowing it.

 

“I’m glad you can still laugh,” she said, after a moment.

 

“There isn’t really any other option, the way I see it,” Lena said quietly, suddenly looking bleak. “Otherwise you might as well have delayed the surgery and let the blood clot kill me.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Kara said, impulsively taking her hand. “Please. Never say that.”

 

“Why not?” Lena asked. “I know your life would be a lot easier without me in it.”

 

“Simpler, maybe. But not easier, because I would be grieving right now,” Kara said gently.

 

“Grieving for the woman who walked out on you? Why?” Lena asked, frowning.

 

“Because I still care about you. I always will. I don’t think I know how not to,” Kara said honestly.

 

“You’re too good for this world, Kara Danvers,” Lena said, pulling her hand back from Kara’s grasp, slowly.

 

They sat in silence as Astra bustled in and out, watching Lena carefully as she swallowed her pills. Lena rolled her eyes and then took a long draught from the coffee, finishing it quickly. She took one of the pastries from the bag, her favourite with cinnamon and raisins. She began to pull it to pieces, eating it one tiny bite at a time, and Kara bit back a smile. She’d always found that particular habit incredibly cute, like watching a chipmunk or a squirrel nibbling on a nut.

 

Astra came to sit with them, drinking her own coffee with a happy sigh, and she and Kara ended up talking about Alura and Zor-El and Jor-El, how they used to try to one-up each other in any given situation, and the apartment was filled with laughter and the joy of happy memories for a little while.

 

Lena shifted uncomfortably after a while, and Kara realised that it had been more than 4 hours since the last time she’d had her pills. She looked at her watch, astonished that she could spend so long in conversation with her aunt and her ex. It was… comfortable, warm, and she was stunned at how much she missed being in Lena’s presence. Lena’s laugh had always made her heart soar just a little, and sitting there, watching Lena listen avidly and laugh at the funny parts, made Kara wonder why she didn’t feel that way with James. He hadn’t been particularly interested in Astra, though he was polite and charming as ever. It seemed like he didn’t really understand how important Astra was to her, how much she needed a link to her past, a person to talk to who had been there. Her cousin Clark was almost 14, and he remembered nothing about Krypton. He wore their family crest in some sort of misguided attempt to link with his people, but Kara had shaken her head when she saw it displayed on the pocket of a shirt and then on a t-shirt. They wore their family crest on special occasions or religious days, not every day, and certainly not on a t-shirt, like it was the graphic for a band.

 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Lena asked, touching Kara’s arm gently.

 

Kara jumped a little.

 

“Sorry, yes. I just… drifted off a little,” Kara said, dredging up a smile from somewhere. “You need your pills, am I right?”

 

Lena looked startled, but nodded. Astra was gone so quickly it was as if she had some sort of super speed, returning seconds later with more pain pills. Lena took them gratefully this time. When Astra left the room to put the glass in the dishwasher, she fixed Kara with a curious look.

 

“How did you know?”

 

Kara touched Lena’s forehead gently, right between her eyes.

 

“You get a tiny line here when you’re especially tired or in pain,” she said, stroking Lena’s forehead slightly with her thumb automatically. She swore internally when she realised what she’d done.

 

Lena took a breath, one that hitched just a little, and Kara took her hand back.

 

“You always knew me best,” Lena said, turning away.

 

_I thought I did._

Kara ignored the thought. She understood Lena’s reasons for leaving, even if she didn’t agree with them. She couldn’t exactly blame her too much. Astra was right to say that Kara might have done exactly the same thing in those circumstances. She rubbed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. Her dream and subsequent fit of weeping had left her overly tired.

 

“Do you want to take a nap?” Lena asked, touching Kara’s knee gingerly. “You look tired.”

 

“I’m fine,” Kara said, which she of course followed with an enormous yawn.

 

“Do you want me to tell Astra?” she asked, hands on hips in a fair imitation of her younger self.

 

“No,” Kara said, hanging her head.

 

“My bed is in our old room. Go. Sleep. I’ll have someone wake you in time for dinner, so you can get back to James. You’re very welcome to eat here, though.”

 

Kara nodded and stumbled her way to their old bedroom. She stripped off, entirely out of habit, and flopped onto her stomach under the covers. The bed was a brand-new double hospital bed, but it somehow didn’t smell like plastic or medicine. It smelled of Lena, that light, citrusy smell that she brought with her everywhere. Kara inhaled it, unconsciously revelling in it, and was asleep in moments.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara spends more time with Lena and Astra, and some radical changes occur in Kara's life, leaving her floundering.

* * *

Lena tried to stay calm, but today her discomposure was nothing to do with Harry and his evil exercises. Today it was because Kara was asleep in her bed. Not only that, but she was naked in there, because Astra had opened the door on the way past, just to check on her niece, and had laughed when she saw Kara’s ass sticking up in the air, her head buried deep in the pillow in front of her. The sight had made Lena freeze, and then she felt an intense shot of lust hit her. God, she had missed Kara, but she’d really missed the sex, the intimacy, the closeness. When Lex had initially been declared well by the psychiatrist – not cured, but well – Lena had had a few dates, but nothing had led anywhere. And besides, she was still madly in love with Kara.

 

Lena laughed as she huffed, doing another rep of the hateful devil exercise that Harry was making her do, thinking about how she’d dreamed of coming back to New York for Jesus Christ Superstar and maybe running into Kara outside the theatre one day, a real meet-cute. She had daydreamed this great reconciliation with her, and then Lex had turned out, once again, to be significantly less than morally flawless, and her ill-thought out daydreams blew up spectacularly, along with half the board of an oil company.

 

“You’re awfully chipper today,” Harry said, as he massaged the knot from her lower back gently.

 

“I’m in a good mood,” Lena said, deadpan.

 

“Of course you are, Miss Luthor.”

 

“Call me Lena. I’ve already cast a curse on your whole familial line for eternity, I think we’ve passed the formal stage,” she said sardonically.

 

“You have a great sense of humour, you know. It’s good. It’ll keep you sane,” he remarked.

 

“Is that supposed to be reassuring?” she asked.

 

“Not at all. It’s just a good thing to have. No matter what shitty things happen in life, if you can laugh at it all even a little – you’re golden,” he said, shrugging.

 

Lena made it through the rest of the exercises with much less swearing than usual, allowing her thoughts to drift to Kara, asleep a few rooms away amidst Lena’s sheets. It was probably creepy to think of it, but she knew that Kara’s scent would linger in her bed, and a part of her wanted to go to bed right away to surround herself with it.

 

“Whatever you’ve been doing today, keep it up,” Harry advised, as he handed her a towel to mop the sweat from her brow. “This has been miles ahead of the rest of the sessions.”

 

Lena smiled at him sadly. She could hardly think about Kara every time she went into her rehab. She was in far too deep already, thinking of Kara day and night, dreaming about Kara forgiving her. It was time to move on, because Kara was with James and they were going to get married, and that meant that Lena needed to let go.

 

Róisín gave her a bed bath after the rehab – she was dripping with sweat from the pain and exertion – and then got her settled back on the couch, propped up with cushions. Lena was relieved that she couldn’t smell beets cooking, for a change.

 

Astra popped in to check on her and she asked what was for dinner.

 

“A sort of goulash. As close to the original as I can manage, anyway. I hope Kara will stay. It is from home, and only she knows how it is supposed to taste.”

 

Lena nodded, remembering the paroxysms of delight that Kara got into after they had Ethiopian food, about how it had tasted similar to her own people’s cuisine. She wondered if Kara had ever gone back to their favourite place with James. She hoped not.

 

Astra roused Kara and she did stay for dinner. As Lena could have predicted, Kara cried a little at the first taste of the goulash and the side dish, which was collard greens with onions and an unusual mix of spices.

 

“I haven’t tasted this in forever,” she said, eyes wide with amazement. “Thank you so much, Aunt Astra.”

 

“You are welcome, Little One,” Astra said. “I thought it was fitting, since it is the anniversary next week.”

 

Kara froze.

 

“I… I’d almost forgotten,” she said, shaking her head. “How could I forget that?”

 

“Life goes on, Little One,” Astra said. “It is a good thing to forget the pain and focus on the joy you had while we were all together.”

 

Kara nodded, but Lena could tell she was still troubled by forgetting about the anniversary of the worst time of her life. She made a mental note to talk to her later, if they had a moment of quiet. And if Kara didn’t run off to be with James.

 

She had to grit her teeth when she thought about James. She still wanted to eviscerate him every time she thought about him touching her Kara. The thought of him actually marrying Kara made her want to scream.

 

After dinner Lena watched as Kara and Astra did some sort of elaborate ritual at the balcony as the sun was setting. They were just silhouettes, making slow, sacred movements. The setting sun made them look like they were bathed in fire. Lena sent a prayer up to their god that Kara would be safe and happy for the rest of her life. Even if it wasn’t with her. She could handle that, she thought. If she only ever saw Kara in the newspaper or in her movies or on stage, but Kara was happy? She could handle that.

 

When Kara stood, stretching and turning a bright smile on Lena, she groaned internally. It was like this was Rao’s answer – you cannot live without her and you know it. She shifted uncomfortably, trying to move her upper body enough that she was comfortable, while her legs sat there, useless, dead lumps of flesh. At least she wasn’t having phantom pain today, because that was the fucking worst. There was no way to stop it; painkillers didn’t work. How do you stop a pain that your own brain is manufacturing?

 

“Are you okay, Lee?” Kara asked, face suddenly close to Lena’s.

 

“Oh, yes. I was just lost in thought,” Lena said.

 

“You looked like you were about to cry,” Kara said.

 

“Well, I haven’t had much to think about that might make me smile,” Lena pointed out gently. _(Except for you, her traitorous heart said.)_

 

“You make a very good point,” Kara said. “I think this calls for hot chocolate.”

 

Lena smiled at that. Kara made the best hot chocolate, thick enough to stand a spoon up in. She dosed it with hazelnut syrup and cream for Lena and caramel and marshmallows for herself.

 

“I’ll be right back.”

 

Kara disappeared off into the kitchen and Astra replaced her a moment later, looking at Lena closely and checking her eyes and temperature. Her attention should have been overbearing, but Lena just found it charming. It must have been a thing about the Kryptonians, she thought, that they were all adorable and incredibly caring in a way that only the most cynical or jaded could possibly find annoying.

 

“You look better when you smile at my niece,” Astra said. “She makes your heart beat better.”

 

“She does,” Lena admitted. She smiled, a little sadly. “I want her to be happy. And I don’t make her happy. I hurt her worse than anyone. She deserves better than that.”

 

“I know this, strong one. But she is strong too, and she has known real loss and real love. This boy she is with, it is not real love. Love of a sort, but not of the kind that makes your heart beat better. He will be gone soon, and then what will your excuse be?”

 

“I don’t need an excuse, Astra. Whether she stays with James is immaterial. She deserves to be happy, and I screwed things up and broke her heart. There’s no coming back from that. Did you see her face that first day we stepped in here?” Lena pointed at where Astra was sitting. “I sat in that chair with my bags and I told her with a straight face that I was leaving and I walked out. I don’t know how she walked in here.”

 

“You didn’t walk in here,” Astra pointed out, expressionless.

 

“One of these days, Astra In-Ze, one of your jokes is going to backfire and upset me,” Lena said, one eyebrow up.

 

“But not this day,” Astra said, smiling smugly.

 

“No,” Lena said, smiling and shaking her head. Kara’s aunt was something special. She had layers upon layers, and her incredibly deadpan humour was one of the best things about her, in Lena’s opinion. She felt like part of Lena’s life in a way that she shouldn’t have, really, given that she’d only met her a week or so ago. It was a shame she was so hellbent on her and Kara finding each other again. It wasn’t going to happen, and Lena would like to forget about the whole idea, as things stood. The less she dreamed about it, the less broken she’d be when she opened a magazine to see a feature on Kara and James’ wedding.

 

“Things will be as they should one day,” Astra said, nodding firmly and standing. She went to the kitchen and came out a moment later behind Kara, who was holding two huge mugs of hot chocolate.

 

Lena took the first sip of hers, smiling as she realised that Kara had substituted hazelnut syrup for hazelnut liqueur – only a little, so as not to interact with Lena’s painkillers. It tasted divine, and she smiled, her lips curling up, as she savoured the taste.

 

She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, Kara was staring.

 

“Do I have something on my face?” Lena asked.

 

Kara reached out and swept some cream from her lip with a finger. She put it in her mouth, sucking the cream from her fingertip, and the whole time she and Lena stared at one another, transfixed. Lena’s mouth was dry, her heart thumping, and she swore she could feel a tingling all the way down to her feet in that moment, despite that being an impossibility.

 

“So, my darlings. Tomorrow we take a trip to Central Park, because I need to see this place that is on my television all the time in Russia. Friends and people meeting mothers and people in suits who talk to payphones and cameras. It is all very confusing without the sound,” Astra said, snapping them both out of the moment.

 

“They didn’t let you have sound?” Kara asked, affronted.

 

“They did. One of the inmates stole the remote control for reasons I would not like to… speculate, about? So we had to change things manually. But the prison officers heard us arguing about whether we should watch Seinfeld or Frasier one day and he turned the volume down and it never would go back up.”  Astra shrugged, and Lena wrinkled her nose in distaste at the thought of what an inmate might do with a stolen remote control. _Ew._

 

Kara left shortly after that, her eyes on Lena the whole time, and when Lena went to bed, she couldn’t help but think about Kara taking the cream from her lips and sucking on her finger. It wasn’t intentional, she knew that, but all the same it had been incredibly arousing, and it reminded her of what she and Kara had once shared. They had been everything to each other then, and she wanted them to be again. But she knew she didn’t deserve it. She fell asleep hours later, still thinking of Kara’s tongue delicately sweeping across her lips, collecting cream and sucking it into her mouth.

 

***

 

Kara had barely slept the whole night. James wasn’t home, and he hadn’t left a message about where he was going or when he’d be back. Kara felt bad, but the problem was that she didn’t think she felt bad _enough_. James was going to be her husband, the father of her children. But all she could think about was Lena. Lena’s eyes, Lena’s smile, Lena’s everything. It was pointless to deny that she still had feelings for her ex-girlfriend. It might even be love. The intervening years hadn’t dampened her feelings much, if at all.

 

She woke too early, getting up and going for a run to get rid of some of her excess energy. She showered and ate, and later walked uptown to Lena’s apartment. She knocked on the door and the first nurse answered. What was her name? Róisín, that was it. She smiled widely at Kara.

 

“She’s been doing so much better since she saw you, sweetheart,” the little nurse said.

 

“She’s a strong-willed lady. She doesn’t need my presence to get better.”

 

The nurse looked at her sceptically.

 

“You keep telling yourself that, love,” she said, quirking an eyebrow at Kara.

 

Kara shifted irritably, finding Lena being fussed over by Astra. She was dressing Lena in a coat and boots. It wasn’t remotely cold.

 

“Aunt Astra, we aren’t in Siberia. It’s nice out there,” Kara said.

 

“I told you,” Lena said, crossing her arms huffily.

 

“You are weak and your body is fighting illness. We do not want to add any more difficulty to this fight,” Astra said. It was clear that her choice was made, and no-one was going to change her mind.

 

“Fine,” Lena said. “Good afternoon, Kara.”

 

“Hi,” Kara said, uncharacteristically lost for words. Lena was wearing a crimson coat that would have reached mid-calf if she was standing. It made her eyes look even brighter, and Kara could barely bring herself to look away.

 

They walked the few blocks to Central Park, Astra pushing Lena’s wheelchair. The air was fresh and pleasant, not as smoggy as usual. Kara took in a huge lungful, letting it fill her with energy.

 

“You’re such an odd one, Kara. You’re like a plant in the sun,” Lena said, turning her head to look at her fondly.

 

“I like being outside,” Kara said, shrugging. “You know that.”

 

“I do,” Lena said. She smiled and looked away.

 

They had a pleasant walk and grabbed some tacos from a truck selling unusual combinations. Lena had some sort of sushi in hers with a spicy sauce, whereas Kara and Astra stuck to more traditional combinations like shrimp and spiced chicken.

 

They sat by the lake in the park, and Kara bought some corn from a random dude to feed the ducks. To her delight, there were ducklings there, too, and though they were too little to eat the corn, they flapped around the mother ducks, cheeping in excitement.

 

When she stood and turned, Lena was watching her with a strange look on her face. It wasn’t a look she could easily identify, but it was the way Lena used to watch her, back when they were falling in love. It made Kara’s stomach clench. She had missed Lena so badly. She had forgotten how special Lena had always made her feel. She stood, frozen, until Astra called her a rude name in Russian and told her to move her butt.

 

They arrived back at the apartment a little wind-blown, but none the worse for wear. Astra carefully took off Lena’s coat and boots, making sure she was comfortable, before saying she had to go out and buy something special for dinner. Kara was staying, she stated, and Kara rolled her eyes.

 

“You will keep Lena company, Little One, yes? The nurse is gone until the evening, a family emergency.”

 

“Okay, Aunt Astra,” Kara said, sighing.

 

When Astra was gone, Lena turned to Kara.

 

“You don’t have to stay, Kara. I’m just sitting here. There’s not much trouble that I can get into.”

 

“Well, I don’t want you to get bored. And what if that taco makes you unwell? You want to poop on the couch?” Kara asked, smirking.

 

“Yes, of course,” Lena said, straight-faced. “You know it’s my life’s ambition to poop on a couch.”

 

“Well then, maybe I should leave you to it,” Kara said.

 

“Shut up and make me some tea, Zor-El,” Lena said, rolling her eyes.

 

Kara curtsied sarcastically before walking into the kitchen. She made some lemon and ginger tea, sweetening it with honey, and she brought it in, placing one cup on the table next to Lena and one on the coffee table in front of her own chair. She sat and switched the television on, finding a comedy that she knew Lena enjoyed on one of the many channels she paid for. Just then, Kara’s phone buzzed, and she had a look at the display. It was a message from James.

 

_I got a job in Vancouver. I’m going to be gone for a few months. If you want to come see me, I’d love for us to talk. But I don’t expect to hear from you. I think you’re in love with Lena, and I think you know that. I only want you to be happy, and it’s not fair of me to hold you back if she’s what you want. Maybe I’m wrong, but… I don’t think I am. I love you, Kara, and I always will. If you prove me wrong, I’ll be delighted, but if not, I hope you’ll send me an invite to your wedding to Lena._

Kara stared at the screen for a long time. She wasn’t aware of it, but tears were running down her face silently as she stared at the message, trying to make sense of it. James was gone, he had a job. That part was fine. The rest – that was messed up. He was basically dumping her by text.

 

You haven’t given him much of an opportunity to talk to you lately, a voice in her head reminded her. She sighed quietly, hating herself for hurting him.

 

“Kara, are you… are you okay?”

 

Lena was leaning towards her, touching her knee to get her attention. Kara turned to her.

 

“Sit back, Lena. You need to sit straight so you don’t damage your back,” Kara said.

 

“You’re crying, Kara,” Lena murmured, wiping away some of her tears with one hand. She settled back into her chair, then.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt the show.”

 

“Fuck the show, Kara. What’s happened?” Lena demanded. She took Kara’s hand and laboriously pulled her closer.

 

“James just broke up with me, I think.”

 

“You think?”

 

“He’s in Vancouver filming. He told me that…” she paused, choosing her words carefully. “He said he wants me to be happy, and that he thinks he’s holding me back from that.”

 

“Oh,” Lena said, sounding surprised. “That…  I thought you were solid, you and James.”

 

“So did I,” Kara said, miserably. “We’re supposed to be getting married. The invitations went out a few weeks back.”

 

“Mine must have been lost in the post,” Lena quipped, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Yeah, that’s what happened,” Kara said, sarcastically. Lena smirked.

 

“I’m really sorry, Kara. If he can’t see how amazing you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

 

It was too much. She was sitting next to the woman who had almost broken her completely, and she was saying that Kara was amazing, and it was too much. She burst into sobs and Lena pulled her as close as she could manage, running her fingers through Kara’s hair and whispering comfort into her ear. After a while Kara’s sobs abated, lessening into little hiccups.

 

“It’ll be okay, Kara. He’ll see sense. You’re the best thing to ever happen to him, I know that. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, sweetheart. He’ll come round.”

 

Kara clung to her, trying to calm herself down. Lena was so soft, and warm, and she smelled amazing.

 

“Do you mean that?” she asked, through sniffles.

 

“Of course I do, Kara. I have never regretted anything in my life as much as I regret walking out that door. I missed you so badly afterwards, but I had made my bed and I had to lie in it. I’m so sorry.”

 

Kara sat up, lifting her head from Lena’s shoulder. She moved closer and touched Lena’s face gently.

 

“I never stopped missing you,” she murmured. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, Kara,” Lena said, but she was hesitant, now. Kara moved a little closer still, dipping her head and kissing Lena, once. It was lingering, and Lena’s eyes fluttered shut. She moved to chase Kara’s lips as she moved away, and Kara took that as encouragement. She kissed her again, harder, and Lena whimpered a little against her mouth. Kara opened her mouth, sliding her tongue inside of Lena’s mouth, and they both began to make little noises as they kissed. It was a moment later when Lena

pulled away.

 

“Hey, you. We… we can’t do this, not now,” Lena said gently, resting her forehead on Kara’s. “Not now, because I want it to be right if we ever do it again, Kara. I want to be with you and I want to do it right, if you still want that. But not now, not a rebound. And not when my back is still healing, because… if I ended up paralysed permanently because we had sex… well, I’m not sure you would ever forgive yourself. No matter how awesome it was,” Lena continued, her voice just above a whisper. Kara couldn’t help but chuckle, and then she started to cry again, helplessly. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Couldn’t even if I wanted to,” she said, and Kara laughed again, choking a little on her tears. Lena ran her fingers through Kara’s hair over and over, murmuring, “I’m still here, darling.” Kara wasn’t aware of it, but she fell asleep shortly after, her head in Lena’s lap, with Lena mindlessly stroking her scalp and playing with her hair.

 

Despite her sorrow, it was the safest she’d felt in years.

 

***

 

Astra woke her gently a while later, and the apartment was filled with the heady scent of a lamb and garlic dish called Fattah that originated in Egypt and was adapted by the Kryptonian people. It was traditionally eaten from a communal bowl, but in deference to Lena’s disability, they dished it out on separate plates. Kara moaned in pleasure at the first taste.

 

“Aunt Astra, why did you never cook on feast days?” Kara asked, shaking her head. “You’re amazing.”

 

“Nostalgia is a wonderful flavouring,” Astra said wryly. “And besides, your mother was ten times the cook I am.”

 

“I disagree,” Kara said, around a mouthful of lamb so tender it melted in her mouth.

 

“We shall agree to disagree, then,” Astra said, with a small smile. Kara smiled back.

 

“I have to agree with Kara. This is beautiful,” Lena said. “I’ve never tasted anything like it. How much garlic did you use, exactly? It’s like it’s an ingredient instead of a flavouring.”

 

“It’s one of my favourites. I needed it today,” Astra said. She sighed softly.

 

“It’s almost the anniversary,” Kara said, nodding. “I needed it, too.”

 

“It is. I miss them. Not my husband, because he was not a pleasant man. I would not have wished that end on him, however. But my sister, my friends, my family… it is something I can never… grasp, in my mind. Not truly. The loss of everything and everyone I grew up with, it is… a loss one cannot ever truly articulate to another,” she said, taking Kara’s hand for a moment. “You are the only one who knows this pain, Little One. Your cousin was a baby, and for him it is empty words of the dusty past. You lived it with me.”

 

“I did,” Kara said. “I miss them every day. I pray for them every day.”

 

“I can’t begin to imagine what it was like,” Lena said, quietly. “You are the strongest people I know.”

 

“Thank you, Lena. From you, this means a lot,” Astra said, nodding respectfully.

 

Kara smiled wanly, acknowledging Lena’s words. After a moment of silence, they returned to their meals.

 

After dinner, Astra presented a cake she had made, cinnamon and cardamom and star anise and other spices blended into an indescribable flavour that brought Kara right back home to her mother’s kitchen. She smiled as she remembered the feeling of being entirely secure, of knowing that she was loved and safe and protected by her family and everyone around them.

 

“Thank you, Astra,” she managed, through a tight throat. “I missed this.”

 

“I did, too,” Astra said. “Your mother used to tease me that if I didn’t come back fom the military in time, she would not make these cakes for me anymore. I used to hurry back from my leave each time, for fear she would follow through on her threat. She never did.”

 

“She never would have,” Kara said, grinning. “She loved you too much.”

 

They stood and hugged each other, neither wanting to let go.

 

“I love you, Little One,” Astra said, squeezing Kara tightly.

 

“I love you too,” Kara said.

 

Astra let go and moved to kneel in front of Lena, gathering her carefully into her arms.

 

“You gave me back my family, Lena Luthor. You are my family now, too. Thank you.”

 

Lena squeezed her, looking startled, and a few tears escaped her eyes.

 

“You are most welcome,” she said. “And thank you, for looking after me and making this horrible time a little better.”

 

They all smiled at each other and sat down, watching a funny sci-fi film until Lena started yawning. Astra went to go to her and lift her into bed, but Kara shook her head. She asked Lena if it was okay, and then she lifted her carefully in her arms, carrying her to her bedroom. Lena was too light, as if she’d been wasting away for years. She didn’t weigh anywhere near as much as she had, before.

 

“You need to eat more,” Kara said.

 

“I haven’t had much of an appetite,” Lena said. Her face was only inches from Kara’s, and she had to hold back from kissing her. She got Lena settled on top of the sheets, and then helped her change into her pyjamas, averting her eyes from Lena’s nakedness. Once Lena was dressed in her bedclothes, Kara pulled the comforter over her body and kissed her forehead.

 

“I didn’t say it, but I’m more than grateful for what you did with Astra. You gave me my family back. I’ve seen my cousin a few times before, but he was a baby, like Astra said. Seeing her again… that’s something I never expected. And the fact that you did that even after we weren’t together – it shows me that you still care, even though I was convinced for a long time that you didn’t. So thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome, Kara. It was the least I could do, considering how much I hurt you.”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“That’s not why you did this, is it? You started the process long before you left. That’s what all of your business meetings were before Lex was released.”

 

“You caught me,” Lena said, hands up in surrender. “I did it initially because I was in love with you and I wanted you to be happy. And then later, it became a way to make amends.”

 

“Well, I’ll never be able to repay you,” Kara said.

 

“That’s not what it’s about, Kara,” Lena said.

 

“I know. But still. I will never be able to give you anything close to what you’ve given me.”

 

“Kara, come here,” Lena said. She held out her hands.

 

Kara moved to her obediently, allowing Lena to take both of her hands.

 

“I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. Doing this for you – finding Astra, bringing her home? It was a labour of love. I have been kicking myself since the day I left, and working on this made me feel a little bit better about everything. I knew that even if I’d broken your heart, I could maybe make things a better for you by getting Astra back. You don’t owe me anything, Kara Zor-El.”

 

“But I do,” Kara said, quietly. “You gave me back my family.”

 

“I gave you back one member of the family you lost. The family you lost because of Lex’s actions. If anything, I owe you a debt that can never be repaid,” Lena said.

 

“Oh, shut up, Lee,” Kara said. She leaned down and kissed Lena. She put everything into it, every emotion she was feeling. All of her pain, all of her thanks, all of the joy she’d found with Astra, and all of the frustration she still felt over what Lena had done to her. When she was finished, they were both whimpering slightly.

 

“You are still really good at that,” Lena murmured.

 

“It was always better when it was with you,” Kara said, sitting back. Lena’s hands were still in hers. She  brought one hand to her lips and then the other, kissing Lena’s knuckles. “I’m going to go, let you sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lee.”

 

“Goodnight, Kara,” Lena said, smiling fondly.

 

Kara smiled once more before leaving the room.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets an offer she really can't refuse, derailing her plans to talk to Lena about their future together

It was the _worst_ possible timing. Kara was almost ready to talk to Lena about a relationship. She was almost ready to put her heart out there, and then Olivia Marsdin called.

 

“They want you, Kara. It’s the movie you’ve always dreamed of. Gay women as the protagonists, but it’s not about being gay, it’s about a man trying to steal the Presidency and two journalists finding out and breaking the story. It’s the dream, Kara. They had someone in the frame for the part, but she ended up turning it down.”

 

“Who has the other part?” Kara asked.

 

“Cat,” Olivia said.

 

“Jesus,” Kara breathed. “Are you trying to kill me?”

 

“No, I’m not, Kara. She’s one of the best actors out there; you know that. And as for love stories, it couldn’t be better. Young woman and older woman, former mentor and mentee, but no icky power dynamic. Your character, Linda, is already a distinguished journalist in her own right, and she meets Cat’s character, Ally, later in her career. It spans two decades, and honestly Kara I cried when I read it. I never, ever cry at scripts.”

 

“Does either one die, or end up with a dude, or go crazy?” Kara asked.

 

“No. Happily ever after, they marry, the whole shebang. Little blonde kids.”

 

“Okay,” Kara groaned. “I can’t not take this. When do I need to start?”

 

“Next week,” Olivia said. “I know that you’re looking after your ex, but you can’t let this pass you by, Kara.”

 

“I’m not going to. Where is it filming?” Kara asked.

 

“Mostly in DC. So it’s not too far. You can commute back most weekends, if that’s what you want. I’ll have it written into your contract.”

 

“Okay,” Kara agreed. “Thank you, Olivia.”

 

“Thank _you_ , Kara, for being the right choice for this. Power Girl is one thing, but this… this is Oscar territory. If it comes out half as well as I think it will… we’re going to be fighting off offers.”

 

Kara nodded and said goodbye. She sat on a chair at her dining table staring at her phone. She had a movie, and it was the worst possible time. And it was the best possible movie. With the worst possible co-star, if she really was going to try with Lena again.

 

She sighed heavily. She had talked to Astra and Alex the night before, and they had both urged her to go for it, to try with Lena. It felt right. James was right. She _did_ love Lena, and their past hadn’t changed that. It was time to move forward.

 

She took a deep breath and stood. Time to break the news to Lena and to Astra.

 

She took a cab across town to Lena’s apartment, making her way upstairs. Róisín let her in, smiling.

 

“Nice to see you, Miss Danvers,” she said, in her lilting accent.

 

“And you, Róisín.”

 

She went inside, finding Astra fussing over Lena, checking her temperature and blood pressure.

 

“How is the pain today, strong one?” Astra asked. Kara stood back, watching them interact.

 

“It’s not too bad,” Lena said.

 

“Liar,” Kara said, arms crossed. “You’re lying again.”

 

“Good afternoon, Little One,” Astra said.

 

“Hi, Aunt Astra,” Kara said, smiling.

 

“Hey,” Lena said quietly. Kara smiled at her.

 

“You gonna take your pills, or what?” Kara asked, eyes narrowed.

 

“Fine, I’ll take them,” Lena said, shaking her head in annoyance. Astra went to get them, and Kara sat next to Lena.

 

“Could we talk for a while?” Kara asked.

 

“Of course,” Lena said.

 

Astra returned with Lena’s pills, glaring at her until she took them, and then she disappeared into one of the other rooms.

 

“She always was good at reading a room,” Kara murmured.

 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Lena asked.

 

“Well, something’s come up,” Kara said. “I got a job offer.”

 

Lena’s face went blank. She nodded. “Go on.”

 

Kara described the movie, what it was about, who her co-star was. The fact that there was buzz about it already in the industry.

 

“It’s exactly the kind of movie I’ve always wanted to star in. And I know that there probably couldn’t be a worse time, but I think that I have to take it,” Kara said, apologetically.

 

“And you think I’m going to try to stop you?” Lena asked incredulously. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime, Kara. If I weren’t stuck in this chair right now I would fight you for it.”

 

Kara grinned.

 

“It really is. The script… I’ve only read the first few pages, but it’s so clever already, I just… I can’t imagine turning it down.”

 

“So don’t turn it down. Kara, I’m making an assumption here, and perhaps I shouldn’t, but if you’re worried about whether I will still be here when the filming is over, you needn’t. I would wait for you forever, if I thought for one minute that you might want me back,” Lena said, voice ringing with sincerity.

 

“Your assumption is correct,” Kara said, quietly. “I feel like we’re right at the start of something, and I don’t want to derail it by leaving. I can’t honestly say that I know why I kissed you yesterday, Lee, but I know that I want to see where this goes.”

 

“Kara, we’ve been apart for three years. A few more months, even a year – it’s nothing. And besides, I have plenty to concentrate on. I’m determined to walk again, and with your aunt’s help, and Harry’s, and the nurses, I’m pretty sure I’ll get there. So you can go and do the movie, and you and I will be just fine to talk about things when the time comes.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kara asked, frowning.

 

“Absolutely,” Lena said, taking Kara’s hands in hers. “I will be here, or, you know, maybe in the bathroom, when you come back. But in this apartment, definitely, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, smiling in relief. “You’re my favourite, did you know that?”

 

“I do know that,” Lena said fondly. “And you are mine, and I want you to be happy, darling. So please, take the job and get gone.”

 

Kara nodded at her, smiling. They were going to be okay, she could tell. Maybe not right away, because there was still a lot of ground to cover. She was still hurt by Lena’s abandonment, and it would be a while before she was able to feel secure in any sort of relationship with her. But time would heal that, too.

For the next few days, she varied her time between Lena’s apartment and her own, packing away clothing that she would need for the shoot, which was expected to last at least six months, with a further two for possible reshoots or additional scenes that the director wasn’t sure about yet. Her releationship with Lena, though still mostly platonic, was warm and sweet and Astra was now watching them with approval, nodding with satisfaction each time she saw them interacting.

 

A few days before Kara was due to leave, she had a call from Cat Grant.

 

“I want to talk to you about this role. I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” Cat said, sighing.

 

“I’m at Lena’s apartment. Come see me,” Kara said.

 

“Send me the address,” Cat said crisply.  

 

Róisín greeted Cat at the door, as Kara and Lena were embroiled in a game of chess that had already lasted for several hours.

 

“Cat!” Kara exclaimed, bounding to her feet and hugging the tiny woman fiercely. “You look amazing,” she said, drawing back and taking in Cat’s outfit and hair.

 

“Thank you, Kara,” Cat said quietly. “So do you.”

 

Kara smiled at her.

 

“Have you ever met Lena?” Kara asked, standing back and waving an arm in Lena’s direction.

 

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t get up,” Lena said dryly.

 

Cat stepped forward and shook Lena’s hand.

 

“I was so sorry to hear about your accident,” Cat said.

 

“It wasn’t exactly an accident,” Lena said wryly.

 

“I know. I was just trying to be polite. How about, I’m sorry your brother is a psychopath and managed to convince you that he had good intentions when he was still crazy?”

 

“Much better,” Lena said, laughing. “I knew I would like you, Cat Grant. Kara always speaks so well of you.”

 

“I’m sure,” Cat said, dryly. She sat down, and Kara went to the kitchen to make some tea. Astra was in there, baking, and she shoo’d Kara out of the kitchen, saying she would make the drinks instead.

 

Kara went back into the living room, find Cat and Lena talking. They clearly liked each other and that was all to the good, as far as Kara was concerned.

 

“So, I came to talk to you about this part, Kara. I have some concerns, given our shared past,” Cat said, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“I’m sorry, Cat. I know that I… it was a difficult time for me, and I am so, so grateful to you for snapping me out of it,” Kara said.

 

“And what about now, Kara?” Cat asked, eyes narrow.

 

“Now, Lena and I are friends. I am 100% ready to do this movie. I’m prepped and I want to do it. You and I are professional enough to do an amazing job here, or at least that’s my belief. But if you’re not comfortable, I understand. I’ll back out.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Lena asked. “You don’t have to tell me, but clearly something happened between you both.”

 

Kara shrugged. “If you want to talk about it, Cat, we can. I don’t have any secrets. I just haven’t talked to Lena about that time in my life; or at least not yet.”

 

“Kara kissed me,” Cat said. “Months after you broke up. I had received a number of calls from concerned friends and colleagues who told me that Kara looked like she was starving to death. So I came to the show, and I saw her. I arranged for her to take some time off, and I brought her home with me. She was drunk and heartbroken and she kissed me. We talked about it afterwards, and nothing else happened. But I wanted to make sure this wasn’t some ill-advised attempt at re-capturing the past.”

 

Lena looked from Cat to Kara for a moment.

 

“I think that you can trust that Kara is over it,” Lena said. “We’re not back together, but I know Kara well enough to know that she didn’t make the decision to take this job lightly. If she says she’s fine, she’s fine.”

 

“Okay,” Cat said. She leaned back and relaxed. “So, which one of you do I have to fuck to get a decent latte?” she asked, with a half-smile on her face.

 

“That would be me,” Astra said, stepping into the room holding a tray of hot drinks and cakes.

 

“Oh,” Cat said, staring. There was a long silence, with Astra standing, regarding Cat intently, and Cat just looking… stunned.

 

“Are you two just going to stay there like statues, or are we actually going to get to drink that coffee?” Lena asked, looking from Cat to Astra in amusement.

 

Astra snapped out of her reverie, moving to put the tray on the coffee table. She served them their preferred drinks, somehow having divined that Cat wanted a latte. Cat took a sip, her eyes widening, and she looked from Kara to Astra in confusion.

 

“Who is this goddess who knows my coffee order and somehow looks a little bit like you, Danvers?” Cat asked, eyes wide with wonder.

 

“Her name is Zor-El,” Astra said. “And she is my niece. Astra In-Ze, at your service,” she said, bowing a little from the waist.

 

“I am _very_ pleased to meet you, Astra In-Ze,” Cat breathed.

 

It was all Kara could do not to giggle. This was such a meet-cute.

 

“I don’t think there’s going to be any sort of a problem with this movie,” Kara murmured into Lena’s ear. “I think Cat’s focus is going to be elsewhere, as is mine.”

 

Lena chuckled, turning her head to smile at Kara.

 

“You’re my favourite, Kara Zor-El,” she said. “Even if you did kiss Cat Grant and not tell me.” She mock-pouted.

 

“Have you told me about everyone you’ve kissed since we broke up?” Kara asked, smiling gently.

 

“No,” Lena admitted. “But I’m joking, anyway. I think you and Cat would make a beautiful couple. But I’m glad you’re not.”

 

“Me too,” Kara said.

 

“And one day, we’re going to talk about why you were starving yourself to death,” Lena said, eyes narrowed.

 

Meanwhile, Cat and Astra were looking at each other silently, as Cat drank the latte Astra had prepared.

 

“How long do you think it’ll be before they’re fucking for real, instead of just eye-fucking?” Lena asked quietly.

 

“Not very long at all,” Kara said.

 

(Cat was back at Lena’s apartment by 9am the following morning, and the following night, she didn’t leave. Kara and Lena exchanged high fives.)

 

***

 

The shoot was gruelling. It was really, really cold in DC. The film was meant to be wintery; the director had given them some spiel about how the winter was a character in the film, and Kara and Cat had exchanged eyerolls.

 

“You know, this isn’t going to get any less embarrassing,” Cat said, conversationally, as Kara tried to cover her breasts so that the crew wouldn’t leer at her. “It’s better just to think of it like ripping off a bandaid. The whole country is going to see your tits soon enough, so you might as well just get used to it.”

 

“Cat, I… I’m not sure I thought this through when I said yes,” Kara said, squirming as Cat moved, sighing. Her knee had been in a… delicate place.

 

“Look, Kara. I’m not your girlfriend, I’m not your mother, I’m not your friend. I’m your co-worker. This is the big leagues. You don’t get a job like this and then flake out. You need to put on your big girl panties and own your sexuality the way you own everything else about you. Just… pretend I’m Lena. Because this is just as awkward for me, you know. I’m banging your aunt, you might remember.”

 

Kara groaned. The Director yelled something, and Cat moved back on top of Kara, pulling Kara’s leg up a little to cover her groin from the camera.

 

“Now, are you ready, Kara, or do we have to recast this?” Cat demanded, impatiently. She had every right to make demands, Kara had realised, because she was bankrolling a large part of the film’s budget. Kara nodded, swallowing, and then let her mind go blank except for thoughts of Lena. She followed the script, touching Cat’s breasts and pulling her hair and biting her lip, but in her mind, it was Lena’s tongue in her mouth, moving insistently against hers, and when she grabbed Cat’s ass, it was Lena’s rounder cheeks she was squeezing. The love scene lasted a few minutes, and by the end, both women were gasping.

 

“Excellent. I think we nailed it that time, if you’ll excuse the pun, ladies. Now we need to do the other angles.”

 

Kara took a deep breath, pushing her hair back. Hair and makeup appeared as if from nowhere, repairing her face and undoing whatever she’d just done to the ‘just-fucked’ look they were trying to give her.

 

“Ready?” Cat asked, slightly unsteadily.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, eyes closing involuntarily. “Ready.”

 

The sex scenes were done early in the shoot, in the first five days, and Kara was grateful that all they had to do after that was a few makeout scenes. There was no more nudity, thank Rao, because she was pretty sure her heart couldn’t take it.

 

That night, after the most intense scenes, Kara Skyped with Lena. She was sitting on her bed, for a change, and Kara asked her why.

 

“I was really tired,” Lena said. “I think I might have been overdoing it in therapy.”

 

“Why?” Kara asked.

 

“I just… I wanted to be able to come see you on set,” Lena admitted. “I hate the idea of you and Cat… you know.”

 

“You and me both,” Kara said. “It’s so awkward, because it’s so… real, you know? It’s raw and it freaks me out, having to be like that with anyone else but you.”

 

“I’m glad it’s not just me,” Lena said, wiping a tear from her face. “I really hate it, Kara.”

 

“Me too, sweetheart. But I promised you a long time ago that I would never do a thing like that. I know how much it would hurt you,” Kara said, eyes intent on Lena’s. Which was to say, about four inches below Lena’s face, because if she wanted to seem like she was looking at Lena, she needed to look at the camera, not at her eyes. But Lena’s eyes were way too captivating.

 

“I know, Kara. But we’re not… anything, you know? You don’t owe me anything.”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“I know that we didn’t… we haven’t made any decisions, Lee. But firstly, my aunt and Cat are together, even if they’re just fuck buddies, and I’m not getting in between them. Because ew. And I told you that I wanted us to talk when the movie was done, and that’s still what I want. If that changes, you’ll be the first one I tell. I guess it just comes down to whether you trust me or not.”

 

Kara watched Lena carefully as her… friend, her almost-something more, went through a series of emotions. Fear, insecurity, a little anger. And then… trust.

 

“Good,” Kara breathed. “I trust you, Lena. Even though Róisín and Darla are both very attractive, and Harry has his eye on you, I’m sure of it. I’m coming back when the shoot is over, and we’re going to talk, and hopefully we can move forward, together. Does that sound like something you would want?”

 

Lena nodded mutely, tears welling up in her eyes.

  
“So tell me, how was your day other than the torture with Harry?”

 

Lena told her about her day, how Astra had beaten her at chess again, and how she couldn’t work out why she couldn’t see it coming.

 

“She was a general for a reason,” Kara said, shrugging.

 

“But you’ve never beaten me like that,” Lena pouted.

 

“I’m a lover, baby, not a fighter,” Kara replied, grinning. “I leave the military strategies to my aunt.”

 

They began to talk every night after that, when Kara’s schedule allowed, and occasionally both Kara and Cat would take a few days off set and go back to visit their friends and family. Which invariably led to them both spending time in Lena’s apartment. Kara and James’ apartment had been sold, and Kara had moved her things into Lena’s, with the proviso that she wasn’t putting pressure on Lena in any way; she was just leaving her options open. Cat and Astra spent a lot of time locked away in Astra’s room, but Lena and Kara just talked and spent time with Alex and Maggie and Carter and occasionally even Adam, Cat’s older son.

 

It was a strangely soothing time of Kara’s life. The movie was quite physical and required her to run and shoot a gun and fight men much bigger than her convincingly, so she was required to work out several hours a day on top of the filming. Though working out was mostly boring, she got through a lot of audiobooks, though she did get very tired of huge slabs of steamed chicken and fish being forced on her at regular intervals. By the end of the shoot, she was going to look like Powergirl all over again, she knew. But she also knew that Lena wouldn’t mind, so she gave it her all.

 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket during one long day when Cat was filming a long, intense scene where she was being tortured by the big bad’s henchmen. Kara wasn’t needed yet, but she would come in later in the scene and kick ass, killing several of the bad guys and rescuing the woman she loved. That scene would move into the lovemaking scene that they’d already filmed, when the movie was put together, she knew, and she had been watching raptly as Cat gave the performance of her life. She pulled out her phone to see a picture of Lena, standing aided only by crutches. It had been about 5 months since she left, and she knew that Lena had been working really hard on her recovery. She squealed in excitement, completely ruining the take, and Cat turned a weary, annoyed gaze on her.

 

“Please tell me that bag of puss in the White House was just impeached,” she said. Everyone, cast and crew, were standing still, staring at Kara.

 

“Um… no? But Lena… she’s walking, with crutches,” Kara said, her face flaming. She was stunned when Cat stood up immediately and gave her a hug.

 

“I’m so pleased for you, Kara,” she said, drawing back and grinning. “But if you ruin another take I will have you murdered, capisce?”

 

The others laughed loudly, even the Director, and Kara sat down, relieved. She sent a quick text of congratulations to Lena before they started another take, and sighed in relief. Lena was really going to walk again. She could be who she was, before, and while Kara wouldn’t have hesitated to look after her if she’d been paralysed for life, she was glad that Lena would be able to work on stage again, if that was her desire. Kara rather suspected that it was.

 

_8 months later_

 

“So, I understand that you are in the running for an Oscar for the second year in a row?” James asked, grinning widely.

 

“Well, yes. I mean, the movie isn’t even out yet. But the director released an early cut for critics,” Kara said. “They loved it. I mean, I love it, so that’s just fine by me.”

 

“And what about Cat?” James asked, taking a bite from a meatball.

 

“Olivia says she’s positive Cat will get best supporting actress. Which is really annoying, because she was signed on to the project first. It think I had like, two more lines than she did. And most of our screen time was shared.”

 

“You know how this stuff goes,” James shrugged. “It’s like how many lesbians, or black men, or latinx can there be in any one television show or movie? They’re like Highlanders: there can be only one.”

 

Kara shrugged.

 

“So. Your new job turned into a serious franchise, huh?” she said.

 

“It did. And Lucy is working with me. I’ve honestly never been happier.”

 

“You guys got together?” she asked.

 

“We did,” he grinned. “We’re engaged, actually.”

 

“Congratulations,” Kara said, grinning. She stood up and rounded the table, pulling James up so she could hug him. He grunted as she squeezed his ribs.

 

“Thanks, Kar,” he said, standing back. “And you and Lena?”

 

“We’re not engaged, but we’re working on it,” she said, smiling widely. “She has more physical therapy to go, but she’s almost there. She can walk with crutches now, and they think it will be about another month before she’ll be able to walk completely unassisted. And a few months after that before she can do that for any protracted period of time. When she’s a bit more steady, I’m going to ask.”

 

“Man,” James said, rubbing his head. “That’s amazing. I can’t believe she’s back on her feet after everything.”

 

“Me either,” Kara said. “You know, I wanted to say something…”

 

“You don’t have to apologise, Kara,” James interrupted.

 

“Well, I really do,” Kara said sheepishly. “But I was actually going to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the kick in the ass that I needed, back then. I was on the verge of screwing it up, you know. I was ready to walk out of there and not go back. I was going to go and get a job somewhere on the other side of the country, and stay away until she had recuperated.”

 

“You’re welcome, Kara,” he said, with his easy smile. “I can’t say I was happy about it back then. But I knew it was time to step back. You should have seen the look on your face when you saw her on the television that night. You looked like you’d lost your whole world – again. I think I knew right then that I was going to lose you. Or rather, I realised that I never had you in the first place.”

 

“I really am sorry,” Kara said. “In another universe, I think we would have had an amazing life together.”

 

“You’re right there, Kar, but in this one, we were both meant for different things.”

 

Kara smiled at him.

 

“I don’t deserve you, James Olsen,” she said.

 

“Nope,” he said, grinning. “But I’m still your friend, even though you done me wrong.”

 

She shot him a filthy look, shaking her head. They both stood a few minutes later, and James wrapped her in a hug.

 

“I love you, Kara Danvers. I look forward to seeing that Oscar in your display cabinet.”

 

Kara smiled the whole way home.

 

***

 

“Honey, I’m home!” she said, throwing the door open exuberantly.

 

“Miss Danvers, would you get a grip? Some of us are old and are liable to have a heart attack if you scare us like that!”

 

“Sorry, Roís,” Kara said, leaning down and bussing the tiny Irishwoman’s cheek loudly. “Don’t die. I love your cooking way too much for you to die.”

 

“Thanks,” Róisín said, lips pursed, but with a twinkle in her eye. “She’s in the gym.”

 

“Thank you,” Kara said, smiling. She strode down the corridor and opened Astra’s door first, so she could greet her aunt. She quickly backed out, however. She’d seen enough of Cat Grant’s naked body when they were filming; she didn’t need to see her aunt and Cat screwing. “My eyes,” she muttered, rubbing them as if she’d been burned.

 

“Knock the door next time, Little One!” Astra yelled. Kara chuckled. She stepped inside the gym, finding Lena lying flat on her back, lifting an impressive amount of weight, her biceps and triceps flexing on both sides, Harry encouraging her on.

 

“Four more reps, Lena.”

 

“Fuck you, Harry,” Lena said pleasantly. She finished her reps and pulled herself upright carefully, grabbing a towel and wiping the sweat from her arms and face. She grabbed her crutches and lifted herself up, turning around slowly.

 

“Hey baby,” she said, hopping over to Kara, lifting her head for a kiss. Kara leaned down, meeting her lips, and then she licked the salty aftertaste of Lena’s sweat from her own lips.

 

“Hey you,” she said. “How has she been today, Harry?” she asked, smiling over at the physical therapist.

 

“You know how she is, Kar. Abusive, mean, and hard-working. She’s going to be upright permanently and causing all sorts of havoc soon enough.”

 

“I certainly hope so,” Kara said, kissing the crown of Lena’s head.

 

“I need a shower,” Lena said, looking up at her through her eyelashes. “I don’t suppose you’d like to help?”

 

“Ugh. I don’t need to see that,” Harry said, making exaggerated vomiting noises. “I’m out. See you tomorrow, ladies.”

 

Kara and Lena waved him off, already almost completely focused on one another. Kara lifted Lena gently, giving her time to pick up her crutches, and carried her through to their bathroom. She washed Lena carefully first, but then they made love carefully and spoiled her efforts, so she had to wash Lena all over again again.

 

“You’re incredible, Kara Zor-El,” Lena breathed, as Kara held her body up. “I never thought I’d get to have this again.”

 

“You’re the incredible one,” Kara said. “They said you probably wouldn’t be able to walk again, and here we are, on the road to recovery.”

 

“I had you in my corner. How could I not get better?”

 

“I love you,” Kara murmured. She helped Lena dry herself, then went to the kitchen, where she helped Astra with dinner. Her mind wandered a little as she chopped and peeled vegetables. Since the shoot had finished, she had spent a lot of time talking to Lena, trying to work through the things that had happened, Lena leaving, Kara changing into a harder, unhappier version of herself, and Lena’s disability. Sure, her recovery was going well, but there was no guarantee that she would walk again unaided, and they had talked through the ramifications of that as well as talking honestly – almost bluntly - about Lena leaving and what it had done to Kara, and to Lena herself. With the help of honest dialogue, therapy and the support of family and friends, they had managed to get to a place where they both trusted each other implicity and were both committed to a future together, despite the pain they had both experienced.

 

Alex and Maggie had joined them for dinner, bringing the twins, who were walking now. Kara looked around the room, smiling at the scene around her. The kids were causing chaos, Astra and Cat were making out on the couch like teenagers, and Alex and Maggie were talking quietly and adoringly. It felt like home. It felt like family. She turned her head and saw that Lena was smiling up at her.

 

“What are you smiling at, dork?” Kara asked, taking Lena’s hand in hers.

 

“Did you ever think, that first night, when I was so mean to you, that we would ever be friends? Let alone this?” Lena asked.

 

“No,” Kara said. “I never had any idea.”

 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Lena said, smiling at the people around them. “It’s like…”

 

“Family,” Kara breathed.

 

“Yes,” Lena said.

 

They entwined their fingers, smiling, and Kara couldn’t help but hum a few bars of ‘For Good’, Lena singing along. Maybe Galinda didn’t get Elphaba in Wicked, but Kara got her Lena.

 

_Because I knew you (because I knew you)_

_I have been changed for good…_


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into our girls' futures

 

Epilogue

 

_Excerpt from Variety_

_Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor, newly engaged couple, just scored the coveted leads in NBC’s new musical television show. The show, “Her name in lights,” sounds like a retread of “Smash,” at first glance, but in this particular show, they’ve chosen to ignore the old tropes of the casting couch and Directors sleeping with starlets – probably due to the plethora of sexual harassment allegations against Hollywood producers, directors and showrunners. The two women are fighting for the main part in this musical, about the life and times of Joan of Arc, when instead of gouging each other’s eyes out and sleeping with each other’s boyfriends, they fall in love. The show is highly touted to be this year’s Emmy winner, from early viewings, so make sure you have a seat in the dress circle before the lights go down!_

“Can you believe we’re here?” Kara asked, looking at the extravagant set in front of them. It was partly the wings of a theatre, partly dressing rooms, and one section was a tiny double recording booth, filled with cameras that could probably count their nose hairs.

 

“No,” Lena said, honestly. “I have no idea how I went from paralysed to… to this.”

 

“Me either,” Kara said. “Though Jimmy keeps teasing me about getting an EGOT.”

 

“You are halfway there, baby,” Lena said, fondly. Kara had won the coveted best actress award for her role in the movie she starred in with Cat, and her second studio album had won a Grammy award. She didn’t think, even now, that she deserved the Grammy. But she wasn’t about to turn it down.

 

“And what about you, my love? Are you going to make a run at the EGOT, too?” Kara asked, grinning.

 

“Only if you’re by my side, beautiful,” Lena said.

 

“Places, please,” Cat said, crisply, clapping her hands directly behind their heads, making them both jump. Lena cursed loudly. “And keep a civil tongue in your head, Ms Luthor.”

 

“If you do that again, I’m telling Astra,” Kara said, eyes narrowing as she turned her head to look at Cat. Cat’s face paled.

 

“Fine,” she said. “But please, get on the fucking sound stage, or this episode is never, ever going to be finished.”

 

Kara huffed, but she stood, offering her hand to Lena, who was dressed in a stupidly tight outfit, her breasts spilling out of the top.

 

“Are you sure this outfit is necessary?” Lena asked, again. Cat held up a hand.

 

“Lena, you know why this outfit exists. It’s to show that the original director of the show was a misogynistic prick who wanted to see your tits as much as possible. As soon as we fire his character, you get to dress like a human woman, not a fucking Barbie doll. We’re doing political commentary here, people, not just fluffy theatre drama. Come on. Just try not to breathe in too deep. And Kara, pull those sleeves up. I want to see those biceps,” Cat said, grinning.

 

“I feel like a piece of meat,” Kara groaned, obeying.

 

“Good,” Cat said, face straight. Then she dissolved into laughter. “Pull them down, I was just fucking with you. What kind of a double standard would that be?”

 

“Asshole,” Kara muttered, pulling Lena up towards the sound stage where they took their places. Cat had turned into even more of a tyrant since she started directing, but she was damn good at it, and she had a clear vision of what she wanted. Kara and Lena trusted her implicitly, heaving bosoms aside.

 

“So, are you ready to hate me again?” Lena said, cocking her eyebrow.

 

“Of course,” Kara said, smiling. Cat called out for action, and Kara’s face went hard, and she and Lena fought, throwing verbal barbs at each other, sneering, until both were in tears, and then Kara slammed Lena against a wall, grabbing her hair, kissing her until she was a whimpering mess.

 

“Cut!” Cat said, and Kara pulled back reluctantly. She turned her head to look at Cat, who was smiling, lips curving up in that way they did when she was really, really pleased.

 

“I’m going to enjoy getting that past the censors,” she said, grinning. “Well done, ladies.”

 

They were finished for the day, but judging from the look in Lena’s eyes, they weren’t going anywhere just yet. She pulled Kara along the narrow corridors to their actual changing room and had her bent over the table and crying out loudly in moments.

 

“What the hell was that for?” Kara asked, breathless.

 

“You know what that was for. You bit my neck in that spot, where we agreed you’d never bite when we were working,” Lena growled. “Now, open your shirt and pull up the sleeves. I want to see those biceps, and I don’t care if I’m exploiting you. You’re mine, Kara Danvers.”

 

Kara nodded, wide-eyed, and pulled up her sleeves, ripping open the tight-fitting shirt. She’d catch hell from wardrobe later, she knew, but she couldn’t resist Lena when she got like this. Lena pushed her back onto the couch, straddling her, and then it was all Kara could do not to faint, because Lena was breathing in, and the tight basque that she was wearing gave way, her breasts spilling out. Kara sent out a quick prayer to Rao for her good fortune before diving in. This was going to be a great show, and an even better marriage. She grinned up at her fiancée, who grinned back, a predatory look on her face, and then Kara stopped thinking altogether.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of this little fic. Thank you all for the comments, kudos, and for generally being lovely. I am sorry, once again, for my lack of response to questions and comments; it was a dumb fault with my computer which I still need to get fixed. But anyway. Thanks for the lovely response and I hope the ending was satisfying enough for you all. :)


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